Reality Check

Aug 18, 2011

I needed a reality check so I finally got on the scale yesterday.  It's been a long, long time and I knew there would be a weight gain.  I've gained 21 lbs from my lowest weight of 175. My goal weight has always been 180.   I've been going through lots of body image stuff this year.  So I was pretty happy with some weight gain.  I've just celebrated a year of sobriety so you can imagine all the emotional ups & downs that does with that.  My fiance has been dealing with depression and that's hard to watch.  I'm letting my daughter finally grow up and not fixing all her problems.  Started smoking a few months ago, so if you think that helps curb your appetite, I'm hear to tell you it does not.  So physically I've got the tummy buldge over jeans and back buldge around my bra, buying bigger sizes (underwear, bras, pants, dresses). Scary...yes.....giving up...NO WAY!  My life has changed for the better because I had surgery.  It's been 2 years.   I asked myself what has changed....and the answer is pretty much "everything".  I hardly exercise and I used to do this "daily", absolutely loved bike riding and would even go on long rides up to 30 miles.  I used to belong to a gym, had a trainer, walked (other than a quickie walk with the dogs).  I was always moving my body.  I eat out 98% of the time.  Been away from OH for awhile. Haven't logged my food or weighed in "forever". That's crazy!  I'm now a night eater.....obsessed with dry cereal and granola before bedtime.  I do pretty good at work, eat a good and healthly breakfast/lunch, but after 4:30pm, all hell breaks loose.  I'm hungry almost immediatly after I eat.  I can't eat as much, so the sleeve still works, but I just save the leftovers and eat them later. So, today is a new day, a day I need to start getting back to basics, just for today, it's honesty and awareness.  I will stay close to the board.  My goal today is "no cereal/granola tonight. I will email Dr. Osano today to let her know where I'm at and stop hiding out from her.  It's time to get honest with myself and you.  I don't want to get too crazy like the old diet days.  I just want to take this one day at a time and get back to basics.  I read on OH the other day where someone said "watch the underwear", that's where you can tell the weight gain first....so, so true!  I'm not depressed about my reality check.....I feel empowered about getting honest!
Love you guys!

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