Why do I wait so long to share?

Aug 08, 2010

I have just passed my 3 year anniverysary.  I am still holding onto the last 50 lbs.  I have been holding onto it for the last year and a half.

I have been a support group leader for Littleton Support Group since March of 2008. 

I have been strugling with a lot of issues this year but I don't think it's caused me to eat any different.  What is HAS done is made me more aware of how I'm feeling physically.  So I am on a new mission....

Right now I am at 226.  I originally started at 309.  I am Type II Diabetic, High Blood Pressure, Thyroid issues, and I have PCOS.  So far in my loss of 83 lbs - I had been taken off of the Glucophage for Type II, taken off Diovan HT, kept at the same Thyroid Medication.  After 3 months I had to have my Gallbladder taken out but didn't notice anything different about what I couldnt eat afterwards.

After about 6 months I was put back on Lisinopril for the High Blood Pressure, I was put back on Glucophage for the Type II diabetes AND my Thyroid has gone from 1 pill to 1 1/2 pills.  I am also severely Enemic and being sent to a Hematologist.  I was Vitamin D deficient for a while and was told to stop taking the B12 everyday because I had too much B12. 

Recently I had an Angiogram due to family history and have been told that my heart is GREAT! 

So now I need to get off my lazy ass and start moving.  I am not the epitomy of a great RNY patient as I have done this 83lb loss with only walking occasionally. 

I feel as if I am now back to my 309 lb self.... How?  I am totally discusted with the way I feel physically.  I am back to feeling out of breath every time I walk a flight of stairs.  I'm still wearing a size 20.  And I can't get below 221.  (Not to mention trying to get below 200!!!)

What motivates a person?  My kids should be all the motivation in the world but I don't feel it.  My husband should be....still don't feel it.

I am doing some soul searching right now.  I have gone out walking 3 times in the last week and it feels good to do so - but it's not enough to get this metabolism to wake up again.  I just can't find what's going to "get me going"....  I think I'm a bit depressed - not majorly but I've been through a lot this year - and I cant see why I wouldn't be....

If I wake up tomorrow with the "thing" that's going to get me going - I will be sure to share with you.  Until then....

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