Understanding these emotions.

Mar 11, 2013

We went out to dinner the other night. I enjoyed it, but the entire time I kept thinking how I couldn't possibly eat these things very soon. I wasn't that upset about it. I ate and I didn't feel ashamed, but I did just listen to my body. I realized a routine of dining and feeling horrible for a few hours after. Only then after this time passed was I able to be decent company. I don't want that to be my life anymore. No more feeling immobile because of what I've ingested. 

I had a nice mixed drink too. I thought to myself, well I won't be drinking like this anymore, juice and rum? I don't think that will be on the menu. 

I'm trying to view each day realistically and think about what I'm eating. I think to myself, "well, this is the last time I'll be able to eat this!". But,  when I do actually make the switch. I feel like I should have already been eating differently. Its having an effect on my "last meals" I had wanted to make sure I had some of my favorites before saying goodbye. I'm starting to realize there are really only a couple things I want to taste before I begin. I had a piece of cheesecake with that dinner out. It wasn't even that great. I don't like how my body feels after I eat these things now. I imagine I'm mentally preparing myself. I've been obsessing about this process. 

I hope I find a happy medium pre -surgery. 

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