The Emotive One

Oct 04, 2013

The emotional rollercoaster is still functioning. However now instead of feeling like it's a mood swing I feel like I am just realizing how often I was taken advantage of prior to my surgery. I feel more confident now and more secure in myself and I find that I'm being offended left and right by natural behaviors by my loved ones. Nothing has changed for them - they are the same. Same as we can be with time changing everything. The behaviors are the same. I'm realizing I don't like some of it - not at all. 

I'm not the babysitter that you can call the day of or night before and still be available. 

I'm not the babysitter to use instead of paying for childcare while you spend your money on frivolous things - things some of us will never see in our lives. Pay for what you need. 

I'm just so angry. I've paid. I've done my time. I've worked my ass off and I feel like it's not recognized. I feel a lot of things right now but mostly I feel anger at presumptions. 

I'm managing these things okay. I may not be speaking frequently to my family but I am managing for myself. I am controlling my urges and haven't turned to food once in these emotions. I want to - hell yes I want to. I refuse and I refuse to allow stress in my life that would put me in the situation where I would even consider it. I will be selfish with me for a while until I am comfortable giving myself to others again. There I said it and I mean it. 

Today is a rest day after four nice workouts this week. My right leg has a pulled muscle in the groin area - so lifting that leg is difficult without a ton of pain. Rest and hopefully that will resolve itself through rest and massage today. Tomorrow I need to get back to it. Wish me well! 

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