4 hrs to go

May 11, 2010

In approx 4 hrs I go under the knife. It feels pretty surreal right now. The process seemed to take forever. It felt like this day would never come. Well, here it is. There is still that small part of me that keeps thinking maybe I am not making the right decision. Than I read others success stories and I know this is the right choice. I have told everyone at work about the surgery. Most are happy for me. There are always the couple who have to put in the "You don't need it" bit. Well, I have to remind them that they do not have to live in this body. Of course the are skinny/tiny girls. I just want to say "bite me". I am doing this for me and me only. I keep going over in my mind-have I gotten everything done that needs done before I am in the hosp for the next 4 days. Guess it better be at this point. My older daughter is very distraught about the surgery and actually wants to stay at the hospital with me. I have to constantly reassure her that everything will be OK. God I hope I'm right. She'll never forgive me if something goes wrong. We are as close as a mother & daughter can be. I don't think she would be OK without me. (and vise verse). Just for the record, my kids are my absolute world. I would not have a reason to get out of bed in the morning if it weren't for them. Please god let me get back to them safely and quickly. This will be the longest I will have ever been away from them in their entire lives and mine. It makes me feel selfish to be having this surgery because of that, even though I know they will be OK. When I get back it will be like I never left. I hope to get back on & write as soon as I can post surgery. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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