..and what a long way we've come baby!

Let's see...  Currently I am about 205 pounds and wearing a size 12 jeans and mostly L shirts, some mediums if I want fitted.
My tummy can pretty much handle anything now...FINALLY except I still have to be careful about chicken and eggs.
I havent puked in at least 3 months thankfully. LOL

I've been running, I did a 5k in February and ran/walked it.  Since then I've ran 2 miles without having to walk at all...amazing.
The most amazing thing is my fearlessness though!  I bought skates and I'm training with the local roller derby team. I WILL bea  derby girl!  I am very average size in the crowd too...it's VERY odd.  The coach seemed concerned that I could still be losing and might be "too small" at some point. LMAO It's like I'm in an alternate universe!!!  I am in LOVE with the derby even though I've never hurt so bad in my life! There is no workout that compares to skating and learning to fall....aka throwing yourself at the ground for 2 hours. It's FUN. It makes me feel empowered and tough like nothing can stop me.

I lost my job a month ago but I'm ok and I KNOW I will find another SOON. I got an apartment for my kids and I!!!  I get my keys in 1 week from today!!!  This is a BIG HUGE deal as it's the first time since my separation a few years ago that I'll be on my own (with my kids of course). I will actually miss living with my mother in a lot of ways but also there are things that will be MUCH better not living here AND I know it's good for me.  We are moving bout 12 miles away to another city technically and I will be driving my kids to their old school for the last 2 months of the school year....boy do I hope my vehicle can handle it!

I am SO SO SO busy ALL the time it's hard to imagine when I can fit in working a full time job....but I know I'll figure it out.
I usually feel good these days, tired with pretty low iron but still good overall.

I want to blog so badly so I dont know why I dont keep it up! I guess it's just one of those things that gets lost in the shuffle sometimes.



I dont think this is a very good comparison pic me wearing the DARK before you cant tell how much bigger I was but I promise it is a big difference.

I posted pics in an album on here maybe those show it better!

:) YAY It's so great to be able to be seated ANYWHERE and never have to worry about not fitting. It's WEIRD to go clothes shopping with friends and not be able to try on anything because those store only go down to a size 16....which is WAY too big.... sooo weird.... I am NOT used to it but I AM hapy about it. 

Well, I am fighting my 2nd go 'round with bladder and kidney infections but this seems to be due to me being dehydrated. I can drink TONS anf still be dehydrated....I can see my need for fluids is SO SO high that I should never stop drinking and THAT is hard.   I am happy to report that I can drink water just fine once more.... I do better with bottled water but I can pretty much down it.   Eating is really up and down...I do fine for a while, eat tons and then eat barely anything and have terrible reflux at other times.  My weight is barly moving.   I once saw 222 but it bounced back to 225-227 right away and today it was 230 even! This last month I lost between 2-5 pounds....seems sad  except that I DID go down another size in clothes so it's hard to be too upset.  I know I'm looking really good lately...and feeling great too!

I ate crab legs for dinner... 1.5 pounds and half a stick of butter..no joke. LOL  I overate though and felt really awful for about an hour and now I am fine.  I had barely eaten today and I got a little too excited and ate too fast....no more of that!!! It's fine though and Im glad I finally got my crab legs!

I  am going to Denmark this summer and I am SO excited!!! I just cannot wait to go.  I am SUPER busy though these days and I need to fin the time to squish in another part time job so that this trip will be possible! lol  Overall life is good.  I get TONS of male attention and the men already in my life trreat me a lot differently... its odd!!!  I fond they are sometimes falling all over themselves doing thigns for me....reallly amusing in a way. A lot fo other people jsut forgot that I was ever fat....isnt that weird? LOL Its not like this was years ago! My drivers license pic is unrecognizable....really.

Well, off to chug some more water and pop some more vites.  *peace*

Sorry I missed one.  In another stall I guess 2 weeks no weight change and Ive aqctually gained inches... have been working out..only thing I can think of.

Feel pretty terrible sadly... I am anemic and weak and tired...  have stupid yeast infection kicked my ass.  My new iron pills seem to absorb better but I think between the fact that they dont bind me up anymore and thwe fact that I ate some fruit....OMG  bathroom issues..... blah  I've been having those stupid newbie "my DS is broken" panic attacks.   Afraid I will be stuck at this weight and never see onderland....but I know Im probably just being silly....I mean how could me DS have stopped working and Im jsut 3 months post op LOL nahhh it'll be ok maybe my weight loss week is next week.

well, due to my crankiness and sch I havent wanted to post.  I feel like I am always sick to my stomach, eating more then before which is both good and not good.  STRUGGLING with fluids....badly struggling...wow... so bad.  so bad. so bad.  Im trying really hard.

Well, What can I say?  I cleaned up my eating after the holidays almost to a text book degree here.  I feel better every single day.  I LOVE living life.  I feel more a part of life than I have in MANY MANY years. Everything looks different to me now.
I joined a gym on Monday and have been working out every day. I was working out every day before that too..or ALMOST every day but having the gym to go to is really helpful because I know I will maximize my workouts and get is better shape. I also get to tan now....  something I've always been against and lectured others on so now I'm getting some flack quite rightly!  I dont have much excuse here other than to say that Im TIRED or looking tired and pale....its WARM in there! OH SO WARM!!!   and its free vitamin D.... Psshhh  Im all over it.

The working out regularly has done EXACTLY what I had hoped for....I am not weak or physically fragile feeling anymore, FINALLY.  I've been losing weight like crazy all of a sudden 1-2 pounds a day and I KNOW I need to stop the daily weighing but its SO FUN!

Im swimming every Saturday, rollerskating every Sunday, working out 3/4 days during the week and LIVING LIFE, LOVING LIFE.  I am even ready to tackle the world to find a way tog et my BF here darnit !!!

well, I've considered myself plain "obese" for a week since my BMI was 40.0 but I suppose yesterday it became official. It is now 39.6 and I have 88 pounds to go to "normal"

Life has been mostly good, always drama due to my family but I think my positive outlook just makes everything
much better for ME than it could be.

I spent NYE playing games and hanging out with my kids and one of their friends. We had fun!  I made crab rangoons
and even was able to go out and buy the awesome red sweet&sour from our favorite chinese place. They sold me this HUGE container of it for $3....awesome!!!!

My mom said "this year sucked but next year is going to be a lot worse" I was puzzled I guess since in MY mind next year is going to be WONDERFUL.... it HAS to be and then I guess I realized that it's all in how you look at things.  I understand that she is depressed because we are losing our house in 5-6 months now...yes it sucks and yes it'll be hard on me too but it is what it is.  I see it just as an inevitable thing and then the possibilities of what will happen to me because of it.  I expect to get a good job this year...soon!  I expect to get my OWN apartment for the kids and I. I expect to get a divorce officially. I expect to work my butt off doing anything possible to make it that NEXT Christmas I can bring my boyfriend here to spend it with us.  It's all a bunch of opportunities in life and I'm moving forward!  I expect to become NORMAL weight this year and be the healthiest I've ever been.  I expect some days to be tough but overall I expect to be happy...  :)

You know I've found that really miserable people HATE happy people.... I used to think I could spread the positive thing but its not possible because some people are just super unhappy even if nothing is wrong...they are always looking for things to be miserable about.  For some reason I bet there are a lot LESS people on OH like that then in the real world because I think it would take someone with a positive vision for their life to be able to make the decision to change their body drastically.  well, I might be rambling since I'm not fully awake yet.

ANyway, Peace&Love, Happy New Year to all. I wish us all health and happiness and the abilities to enjoy the little things in life.