Boy it isn't easy!

May 13, 2011

It has been awhile since I posted anything.  I have to tell you, that since I lost being apart of my support group and with the loss of my parents last year, it has been so hard not to fall into old habits.  I have found myself grazing at night mostly.  I just want to eat anything I can.  There is no reason.  I guess stress, depression, who knows.  It is hard though.  This month will be 7 years since my surgery, I truly cannot believe that.  I know in some ways since gaining some weight back that I feel like a failure simply because I allowed myself to get into a routine of such deep depression.  I still have major issues with my previous jobs.  The last two jobs I had just put too much on me.  It wasn't worth all that I endured.  So many hurtful people and for what, nothing.  I was dealing with all that while attending to both my dying parents.  I don't think anyone can even begin to imagine the pain and separation I have felt over these past few years.  I still cannot seem to understand the harsh treatment or nastiness I have had to face.  It only makes me go into a hiding mode.  That is what has happened.  I don't even want to see people anymore or do things.  It is like my life is diverting back into something I hated.  I need to stop it now before I cannot get out of this cycle again.  I have found it so much easier to not have friends because I have major issues with trust even more now after being stabbed in the back over and over.  Gosh, I have to figure out how to combat this.  I know what I need to do, but it is easier to feel safe and not worry about being hurt.

Those who have asked, you can find me on Facebook

I am a lot more picky on who I'll allow on my list, so if I don't know you, please shoot me a message when requesting to be friends.

Also, I'm still not able to reply on OH to private messages because OH has blocked me, if you have sent a message and I do not reply, that is why.  You either need to email me directly  [email protected]  or sign up on my facebook page.  Like I mentioned in my last blog, I don't come here often at all anymore...

I'm leaving this quote for anyone reading to ponder, and it might help you to understand how I am feeling at this moment.

"Choose to align yourself with people who are like-minded in their search for simplified inspiration. Give those who find fault or who are confrontational a silent blessing and remove yourself from their energy as quickly as possible. Your life is simplified enormously when you don’t have to defend yourself to anyone, and when you receive support rather than criticism." - Dr. Wayne Dyer


About Me
Augusta, GA
Surgery Date
Aug 13, 2002
Member Since

Before & After
rollover to see after photo
November 2003; Before being on MTV's True Life
615 Poundslbs
I've got my life back, no more wheelchairs! I've lost 411 pounds!!

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