So I go into work this morning and find out that a coworker has been talking trash about me to other people I work with and I am pissed!

Now I am well aware of my character defects and when I am over tired and/or stressed I can be snappy (lately I am both - to the max). I am open and upfront about this with everyone who knows me and I always ask that if I "piss in your cheerios" to please care enough about yourself and me to tell me. If I truly meant to do that (and in the last ten years I know I have not set out to purposely hurt anyone's feelings) you will know because I will try to justify my behavior....and I am so acutely aware of what I am doing that I will be forced to apologize eventually....and while I am fighting not to have to apologize I will be tortured until I say I am sorry. Therefore I try very hard to get the "I'm sorry's" over with as soon as I realize I screwed up and hurt someone.

That said when someone intentionally hurts me, defames my character just for the sake of making themselves feel superior.......it REALLY pisses me off! I am not perfect. I am not always pleasant....who the hell is? But I am soooooo much nicer than I was 18 years ago. I have learned so much about treating others as I want to be treated myself and I hate it when I am disrespected for being fallible.

This woman told two other woman that, basically I am a bitch and you'd never know it unless you work with me. She doesn't even belong on my unit. She has been there for a month or so because she supposedly hurt her back and is now on light duty. She doesn't even know me. I was so upset...not angry but really hurt. Than I just thought about how miserable she is and she just has to take it out on other.... "Hurt People Hurt People!" I told my friend that I was miserable before I had the surgery and I was angry and anxious all the time but she said I was always positive. I always look for a positive way out of the fear and angry. I've learned so much in 18 years about my part in my own happiness or my misery...all I can do is pray that she finds the same but she is toxic to me and I need to step away.

She is scheduled to have surgery in a couple weeks and she will be gone from my Unit and it'll all be over. So just for today I can be kind and tolerant to her but I do not and will not extend myself anymore, not to have my trust and my feelings trampled.

Okay I'm done ranting....tomorrow is another day and I pray for tolerance and patience.