Pounds are leaving me...

Sep 23, 2009

Day 4: I am still being diligent to eat according to WLS guidelines that we all should be following, but which many of us several-years-out grads start breaking.  We are shooting ourselves in the foot, as they say, when we do this. We want to be successful for a lifetime, but I feel that what happens is  we get comfortable in our new bodies.  We  begin to think we are normal, thin people. However, we aren't "normal" in the sense of the word that we are no longer addicts. We still have a "monster" living inside us; we have him in a cage, and he's heavily sedated just after WLS! The monster gradually becomes more and more awake as time goes by, but the good news is that he's still in the cage!  He's going to roar now and then, we're not going to like it as he claws and tries to get out, but we still have control! The problem is that we don't think we do, we panic when we hear him growl, which causes us to give up and give in to what he's growling at us to do.

I know this because this is how I have felt at times. I wasn't getting depressed and sad and giving up, but I was secretly thinking that I might be losing control, that I might gain weight back and become obese again. I didn't want it to happen, but when I would half-heartedly try to eat right, I didn't have success in keeping the urges or the pounds at bay. I got on the scale last week and it said 178! I freaked, as I had at one time gotten down to 147. Granted, I was too thin at 147 (a plastic surgeon said I was nothing but skin and bones) but thirty pounds up is too much! Ideally, I should weigh 154 or so. That's the weight at which the American Diabetes Association says puts me at very low risk for developing diabetes.  My family has a strong tendency to develop diabetes, and it has killed several family members, most notably my mom. I was told in 2005 by several doctors that I should expect to develop it at any time. I had wls in July 2006, and guess what? My blood sugar is very good, my blood pressure is excellent, and I have no adverse health conditions.  However, if I gain weight, my health conditions can change and I can become sick.

All of this to say, I have to figure out to shut the monster the heck up!  I began a few days ago by tracking my calories/exercise on my iPhone with the LoseIt! app. I had always been dread to write down everything and go to Fit Day to try to find the foods I was eating, etc. However, I totally love, as much as I can, this super-easy LoseIt! app.  It makes it as easy as food tracking can be, and the icons for food are adorable.  I love the eggplant icon. So freakin' cute.

I also went to the grocery store and got things to make WLS-friendly foods. I made Eggface's stuffed bell peppers....dear heaven, they are fabulous. I am in love. Got other things, too, and have been avoiding the snacking. Last night was my anniversary dinner with husband, and we went to a yummy restaurant. I ordered a big salad that had walnuts, dried cranberries, gorgonzola crumbles and raspberry vinaigrette dressing and had them add grilled chicken chunks on top. Another fabulous discovery! So incredibly delicious!
Anyway, the best part is that it's working. I am able to resist the little urges the monster sends my way to have a snack. He is roaring more quietly, and he hushes more quickly now. I weighed this morning, and am down from 178 to 174.   My pouch still works and my body CAN still lose weight.

What this proves to me is that, though the nasty monster is loud and tries to scare me, he is still in a cage, and *I* happen to be the owner of the key.

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