Do you think...

that people that have seen you as being obese will ever see you as being thinner? I know we shouldn't worry about what others think, but lets face it part of WLS is to deal with all the negative feedback from others by being obese. Example, there is this one guy that I am attracted to, and I've been losing the weight steadily since we've met but I wonder if in the "end" if he will see a new me or still see me as obese. I'm active either way...whether I am thin or obese, but I know once more weight comes off I'm like a spinning top...love to go out and do things such as camping, hiking..etc, these are things we have in common but not sure if he'll see me in that fashion. I guess I'm dealing with that "Best Friends" stage...if you've seen the movie you'll know what I mean...the movie has Ryan Reynold's and he was obese as a teen was in love with this one chick but she only seen him for the best friend wasn't until he had lost weight that he had the confidence to seek her out...though he did it completely wrong...but still it was a good movie. Is it wrong to want the attention of a guy that is attractive both inside and out, and not want to settle for just anybody because that's all that there is? I'm finding that I am changing whom I find attractive...perhaps maybe it's because now I feel that in the future there might be a chance? It's sad to say, that weight matters in situations like this..that they just can't see beyond the flesh and get to know you as the person. Perhaps I am chasing the unobtainable dream....maybe it's me that needs to get in touch with reality....I'm open for comments...just be kind!!! ~K

I think they will if they truely are your friends. It's an adustment like everything else though. Remember most of our friends have seen us lose weight more than once and gain it back plus some. My opion is don't change how you act with him if he's your friend now he'll always be your friend..there's always a chance it will develop into something more as time goes on. Enjoy what you have with him now. Anna

Thanks Anna, we've just met about a few months ago...we get along fine and he is a great guy, alot of women are attracted to his personality cause he a very nice guy and very respectful...and single!!! So, I may be caught up in the whole newness of meeting him and being that I am changing physically the emotions (Hormones) get going...but yea, I think keeping it as friends is the best policy first and see what develops later down the road. Thanks for your reply... Kelli

Kelli thanks for posting this....I was also wondering the same thing! so anyones input would be greatly appreciated! Sue

Kelli, I married my best friend. When we met, I was in a serious relationship and there was no romance. Our friendship grew strong and I think we have the best marriage. We've been together 12 years and he has loved me the same thin, gaining, obese and now losing. I think he is a great friend, that is essential in a lasting relationship. You asked if he will see you as thin or obese.... I think he should see you as YOU. You sound like you have a lot in common and you have fun common hobbies. Have you asked him to join you in these hobbies? Maybe you need to show him your adventerous self? No, I don't think you should "settle" My mom always said that you will know when you found the right person if you feel "lucky" to have him and he feels "lucky" to have you. You aren't settling. Regardless, PLEASE don't think "I feel that in the future there might be a chance" or you are "chasing the unobtainable dream" because you are losing weight now. There are wonderful men that love women fat, thin, etc. for who they are. I do agree, there has to be attraction in a relationship. You can't control what you are attracted to, and nor can he. But, I think a man will find a women that is confident, adventerous, full of life, humorous, intelligent, trustworthy, appreciative, attentive, etc. much more attractive than a woman that is thin and lacking in the personality traits. Best of luck! I hope things work out the way you like. Give yourself more credit for who you are and what you have to contribute to a man and others vs. physical pounds. He may begin to see you in a new light with weightloss, and that is great if that is what turns his head to see you---on the inside. I think there is soooo much more in a relationship than the mutual attractiveness although, I agree with you that that is often necessary to see further into someone. Have fun! Lisa

Thanks Lisa, it's funny we know we should believe in these things but sometimes it just takes someone else to put things in perspective. I've been talking to him about the things I am going to do, stuff that I know I like to do and things he likes to do...he is excited that I am doing them...so perhaps the next step is to offer him to see if he wants to partake in any of the fun I am having...baby steps baby steps!!! I do know that if things do not go as I would like them to, I have gained a good friend in life. Thanks again Lisa...and I am happy to hear that you have a loving relationship that is based on friendship, those are always the best. Kelli