Pity Party For One, Please!

Hello everyone. I don't really know what hs been wrong with me today, but I've been in a funk and need out. I just feel awful.... no matter the wow moments I've had lately, the FAT girl is returning and I want her gone! I see my skin just flinging around on my arms, its sooooo embarrassing! I'm all jiggly cuz the solid fat isn't there anymore and my sister made the comment that I had excess skin on my toes!!!!!! Ugh But here are some positives that happened today none-the-less! At work I practiced my googly eyes at numerous Drive Thru customers and got googlies back. One even drove off without his soda! Then while at school I was freezing and didn't have a sweater, so had to get a MJC sweatshirt from the bookstore. I just grabbed the XXL since thats what all my other stuff is... rip off the tag and throw the shirt on. It's too darn big! The shirt goes down past my bum and the sleeves are so long- can't return it since I tore the tags off. Last night I got the best thing ever.... I gave my # out to a hottie Here was the convo: remspt: sup yo? Jaci: sup yo? Jaci: lol Jaci: did you get all of my crazy messages? lol remspt: yeah...the lamb is looking better Jaci: lol good! Jaci: sooooooo July 9th good for you?????? remspt: I think so Jaci: lol goooood and the time fram is good? remspt: yeah. I'll call if something changes remspt: oh wait i don't have a number Jaci: lol did I ever give my number? Jaci: lol lemme furni****: Jaci: ready??? remspt: yeah Jaci: 209 xxx-xxxx Jaci: and.... should I be getting yours???? just in case? remspt: 559 xxx-xxxx Then this is a bit later during the convo: Jaci: ok buddy boy of little words tonight, I've gotta hit the hay- working tomorrow, then class, then house sitting ugh! but oh well! So I'll talk to you later remspt: wait Jaci: waiting... remspt: I gotta get up early start running water in the vineyard and still get to work on time remspt: quit whining Jaci: lol I'm not whining that much he he he remspt: lol..g'night Jaci: I gotta be at work at 6, work from 6-3, feed the bunnies, be at class in Modesto by 5:30- 9:30, come home change, run to merced to house sit, come home thursday to work with sofia..... then off to my second job he he he Jaci: I get to rest on Friday sorta remspt: alright alright remspt: you got a pretty good schedual Jaci: but its fun lol have fun with the vineyard! remspt: i give you permission to sleep Jaci: night remspt: night Jaci: lol thanks for the permission master *bows* remspt: thats right! Jaci: lol Jaci: ok, leaving for good now remspt: k bye He has been kind enough to offer to work with the girl I'm helping i showing her lamb and he's coming to MY House in July!! I don't know if he wanted it just in case, but it still was nice to give it out. See all these good things are happening to me- I read your replies to my posts and it seems like I make all of you smile, or laugh, or whatever but I just can't make ME smile or laugh! What's wrong with me!?? I know I should be super excited and happy, but for some awful reason, I'm not and you guys are the only ones I can really share with. I feel kind of stupid talking about it with others- I mean look at this great opportunity thats been given to me and I'm complaining!? Someone wake me up! Maybe I'll be better after I get some sleep, but I wanted to get this out......... If you have any advice or anything... PLEASE share!

oh, Jaci. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{BUG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know how you feel, and I am sorry I don't know how to make it go away. I wish I did! I feel the same way, i am always getting compliments and people saying how proud, but i just say, yeah whatever...I wi**** was easier, but it isn't! This is VERY difficult emotionally, and physically, all i can tell you is that you have come to the right place to vent for sure, because we are the only ones that truly do understand! AND we love you! Karyn

Thanks alot Karyn, I really appreciate it

Your funk will go away. Try to just focus on the positives. I think sometimes it's hard for us to adjust to all the changes. When you know you still have a lot of pounds to lose, it seems neverending. The end is in sight, though! Keep up the good work. Everybody seems to get down a little at times. I seem to get aggravated more in the past month or so, and sometimes pop off and say things I shouldn't (mostly just speaking what is on my mind. I need to stop. I guess I am getting a little too much self-confidence lately. I was never shy to begin with, though.) Hang in there. Your overloaded schedule may be affecting you some. Keep an eye on that. You may need a little more "me" time for yourself. Karla

I hope its not my schedule, but I will definately keep an eye on it Karla, thanks.

Jaci, First, Congrats on the number (oh, he wanted it, if he did not he would not have given you his!) Second, I know what jyou mean when you talk about the funk, I feel the same way, and I feel bad which makes me feel even worse. SO you are not alone! The one thing I know for sure is that it will pass, and I am sure it will hit you again, but it will always pass. Just take your time work through all things you hid under your weight (because ever one does), and tell your self everyday you did this for yourself and this in not a new you. It is the who you have been hidding! Good luck! Much Love, Melissa PS How is school working out? Is LB, still boring you?

Thanks alot Melissa. School is great, have an A so far lol, for more weeks to go! LB is still boring

Hang in there Jaci! I think this is a temporary funk and that it will go away...I have ups and downs emotionally too. As for the jigglies, yeah, any illusions I had that because I am tall and well-proportioned I wouldn't have many skin issues are now out the window. I have the jiggles all over. It sucks. But, I have to say it's much better than being FAT! Also, you are so funny. "practicing my googly eyes..." Beth

Oh sweetiepie {{{{{{{{{{{Jaci}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} sending you a big cyber-hug. Take a long bubble bath and pamber yourself today. Maybe get yourself a peticure. You need to feel like a girly-girl. Remember your sister is just jealous and will send out hurtful jabs whenever she can to make herself feel better. Just keep that in mind and consider the source. And you are young. You have a long time to save $ for PS if you need it. And in January we can compare armflab. And I bet you I will win hands down Now smile Cookie and do something nice for YOU. You deserve it. And remember, there are a lot of folks whole adore you. Me for one Regards and many hugs Ronna

Ok, here is my take on this...Put yourself out there, feel like you are hot, then "what was I thinking", and start finding flaws again. Sound familiar Jaci? I did it too, with that guy I told you about, the one I still haven't met. What is the problem with us? It takes a long time for someone with little or no self-confidence to gain it even when we do look hot, and you do girl. Ronna is right, she suggested a pedicure, which I just did Tuesday and I also got a full-set of nails, put my contacts in (haven't worn them for over a year) and I put makeup on, which I rarely do. I felt so much better about myself. You are a sweet, wonderful person....This is just a small bump in the road and we will have them..... Take care... Marsha