Self Esteem

So, I was wondering if anyone else was having some issues with this? I was much more confidant when I was larger. Weird, huh? I guess it was just the attitude of "This is me, I am fat, accept it and get over it or don't" And if they couldnt accept it I would move on to someone who would accept me. Now, I don't have that attitude to fall back on. Also, I am WAY more self consious of my weight. Perhaps because when I was M.O. I basically ignored the issue and tried to never think about it. Now, all day I think about what I weigh, how much I eat, etc. I figured that if anything my confidence level would rise post WLS, and it has done just the opposite. Fallen dramatically. I am so self consious and never was before. Anyone have any sort of thought/reaction/idea/support or suggestion? I feel like everyone is losing and feeling great about themselfs and I am going in the wrong direction. Am I alone?

Hi there! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! My self-esteem seems to go in waves. Some days I am flying high and feel great and others I am so self-conscious and just can't accept a compliment or feel good to save my life. I don't know what causes it or how to fix it, but MM, you are not alone! One of my friends said it's maybe our brains need a little time to catch up to the large amount of weight that we have lost so fast, and strangely that makes some sense to me. We went so long being heavy and now that we are losing, we can't see the change as others are and we haven't gotten to the point where we feel comfortable in our (saggy in my case) skin. I think that things will change and that I will feel good all the time, but personally I'm not there yet and I am trying to get there. It will happen for us, I am sure of that. But if you need someone to chat with, I am here! By the way, you are looking great!! HTH! ~amber~

AMEN girls...this is getting harder everyday. I am going back to counceling cause I am just so angry all the time. and guys are coming out of the woodwork telling me i was fine the way I was.. good grief. My husband is having a really hard time with me getting little. I just can't win these days. Deborah

Everybody is a little different. You'll get better w/ time, especially as you get near goal. My confidence has gone up, but never was really low. Your brain probably has to catch up w/ your body. You may feel more pressure because you're not the fat chick anymore, your more like everyone else. Hang in there. Karla 337/233/150

I think what we are going through is perfectly normal. Remember, alot has changed in our bodies--physically, mentally and spiritually--in a very, very short period of time. Getting to know and understand our new bodies, especially during this time of dramatic restructuring, is difficult. Yes, we experience excitement and pleasure at finding ourselves different, but there is pain in loosing our old selves. I told my mom the other day that every once in a while, I notice a man looking at me now. That really freaks me out because why would he want to look at a fat woman. But we're not fat anymore. Sometimes I want that super giant banana split with all the trimmings that my daughter is eating but one bite makes me sick and I get mad because I can't have what I want anymore. But I've learned I don't need it. A lot of times I look in the mirror and see the fat person and wonder when I will ever really feel good about myself. But then I look at the pictures taken before and I know I'm not that fat person anymore. Many of us learned to be the funny, everybody's best friend, fat person because we didn't seem to exist without being that kind of person. Now the real person inside all those layers of flubber is starting to emerge. There is pain in burying that old fat self. A part of us is dying. Being upset and mourning that person is normal. Not being happy and jolly all the time is normal. For some of us that was a facade to cover pain. Our hormones are changing as our bodies change. It's normal to be grumpy sometimes and not be the jolly clown sometimes. The other people around us seem to have that right, why not us??? Because we were the sterotypical happy rotund one??? Of course we are concious of our weight now! We all just went through hell to reclaim our bodies. If we aren't concious of how that weight affected us then and now then something may well be wrong with us. Such concern is natural. If we didn't have it, we know what our bodies are capable of doing and how our brains can betray us, else how did we get into this original shape in the first place? Our overconcern is what protects us from eating through the surgery and becoming what we were once again. Our confidence levels will rise. We must tell ourselves we have given ourselves a fantastic gift. Like Shrek the Ogre, we are onions. We are peeling layers off of ourselves. We must learn to know the selves we havent physically seen in many many years and learn to be that old self in new but older bodies. That takes time. That takes patience. That takes work. But the beauty of the time, patience and work is that we have been given the opportunity to have a new lifetime to explore our new selves. These last six months have been like an excelerated adolescence. What we did in ten years when we were young, we have done in a half year. So, give yourself time. Tell yourself in the mirror each day how wonderful you are. Be mad if you want--I bet that guy in the cubical next to you gets mad sometimes and no one tells him they liked him better before! Talk to friends here on the wonderful January board. Get a massage and notice how you FIT on the table now and the massuse doesnt have to search through the fat to get to the muscles. Savor the few bites of food that we really need to live and dont worry about wanting to eat the whole thing. We have the gift of years of HEALTHY living now. CELEBRATE! Hugs you all! Take care and remember--I think everything about each of you is wonderful! Go out and live like we never could before! Love you guys! DeAnna

Wow!!! Terrific insight. Thank you! Jen

DeAnna I love you!

You are absolutely not alone and I am a member of the club, too. I was always comfortable in my huge, round body. I never would have considered WLS except my health deteriorated (sp) very quickly. Now I'm obsessed with what I eat and how much slower I'm losing than everyone else. I very consious of my body and weight. I hear your pain and share it. RobinNJ

I really don't have a self-esteme problem. Haven't since I got out of my abusive first marriage. But I do know what it is like and it isn't any fun. Just give yourself time to figure out where you fit. Not being the fat chick any longer leaves you with a where do I fit syndrome. But you will figure it out and you will be fine. Hazel

Hi Mary I'm sure many folks are dealing with this issue. We all used our weigt as a way to HIDE from the world around us and now as we lose our weight we are kind of "out there" for all to see. If you are have problems dealing I would suggest you look into finding a good therepist. Cant' hurt Been through it myself a couple of times and it is well worth it if you can find someone who you connect with. You need to be GOOD TO YOU. And that is one way to do it. Sending many hugs, Ronna