update feelings and issues

Ok I am a horrible person but I have started seeing my theripst, psychiatrist, and pastor. I also made a stand and talked to my husband about feelings and fears about my losing weight and him not noticing. I told him I refuse to let let this be the reason we break up. He said he had no intentions of leaving me he is just getting used to the whole deal. we talk alll the time now. He reasures me I am beautiful and keeps his gurad up when we are out. I told him if he doesn't notice others will and I like to flirt. Ok before all this wonderful conversation started I exploded one night and shut myself off and met someone who said all the right things and made me fell really It has been just over a week and I have repented. Big time. We are now going to church more and started sunday school. Please forgive me for falling. But a huge weight has been lifted. Thanks... 6 month ck up is thursday....that should be fun. Deborah

It sounds like you are doing better and are on the right track...I'm glad things are better for you know. Karla

Tere are a lot of emotion essues withy loosing wheight. In myh situation its hyard because since my husband never reallyh cared thyat I was so large, then hes not making a big deal that Im 95 pounds lighter. I wish I had that exciting feeling of knowing I turn someone on. I know it sounds selfish but Trust me I understand where your coming from completely. Elsa

Hun, I could write a book with all the emotional ups and downs I have had since surgery. I have realized that the emotions are harder to work thru than the physical aspect. I respect you for posting this for everyone to see. I know that took a lot on your part. I have my one confidant, Kristi, that I tell everything to; other than her not another living soul knows the drama in my head. I guess what I'm trying to say is as guilt ridden as you are about some of your decisions...it's normal to desire some attention. Dawn

That is something that is going to be hard to let your self forgive yourself for, but please do. Our emotions are what got us in trouble in the first place. Just because we had surgery doesn't mean we have a magic way of dealing with then now, they just need to find a new way to be handled, since we can't eat thru them anymore. I know I too see the weight loss as a new chance to be seen by others, to make me feel good when I am looked at, to feel sexy and NORMAL! Yes, we all say we went into this for the health reasons, we did, but we also went into this to wear the size 10's again and to be able to throw away those cloths we hid behind. I too fantisise (sp) ofwhat it will be like when someone finds me desirable, other than my husband who has always found me that way even if I didn't. I feel guilty just at the thought sometimes, but I make that go away fast. I am a woman, a human, we like attention and gratification from others, even if we are told that isn't healthy. I think you have taken some good steps towards finding your new emotional path and you will come out not only beautiful when this is over, but stronger.

Ok Deborah........all I can say here is "Been there, done that"! Feel free to email me if you need to talk about it in private. hugs, kristi

Thanks Kristi. I just may do that. It is weighing on me.

You are looking forward with purpose---that's what a real woman does! Do you know the poem "Strong Women" by Marge Piercy? It is one of my faves--perhaps I search it on the web and cut and paste it here--anyhow, one of the best lines is (I'm paraphrasing, cuz I can't recall exactly) , "a strong woman isn't born strong but she enacts is as the wind fills the sails". That's you right now, baby (enacting strength)! Cathy

hey--here's a link to the poem if you're interested---I really love it!!! Cathy http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/strongwomen.htm

Thank you everyone. I love you guys. Wish I had someone close to talk to. I feel so empty.