What the F*** am I DOING?!?

Okay...I just read Ronna's post about what this board is about and decided to put myself out here to confess. I am normally very honest in my profile...but that is behind the scenes...where no one can flame me. Do you KNOW WHAT I DID THIS MORNING? I woke up and weighed, as usual. The scale STILL has not moved! I have been stuck at 200 F-O-R-E-V-E-R. You think I would be starving myself to get to Onederland, right? Well, despite eating better and resuming going to the gym, the scale STILL has not moved.... So back to my original question...do you know what I did!?! This morning I was so gloomy and frustrated...I pulled right into Burger King on the way to work this morning...ordered a croissan'wich with egg and cheese and a diet soda and ATE THE ENTIRE EFFIN' THING ON MY WAY TO WORK. **AND** I did not feel stuffed, afterwards! Now I am really scared. Maybe I will not break 200 and this it is for me. The last thing I need to do is blow it at this point! I am so mad at myself...and scared and really, really blah. Thanks for listening now flame away... Jersey

I am not going to flame you, hun. You have heard it before, but I will say it again; WLS doesn't opperate on our brains, only our bodies. You turned to food because it has been comforting in the past so we all expect it to be comforting now... but, as you have learned, the problem is still there and you feel guilty/scared now. I have had bad days (doritos, icecream, brownies, etc). But, in the past *every day* used to consist of those things. So, I now I think... "ok that is done and i will not have a treat for X amount of days" and then I try my darnedest to get back on track. I find it MUCH easier to get back on track now, then I did pre-WLS. When I would diet then, I would go right back to my old ways if I made a bad food choice. Now, I am more apt to see the big picture. You choose bad for ONE meal. (Which, by the way was probably loaded with protein if it had egg/cheese). That meal is done and obviously you realize that it was a bad choice, and you know now that it made you feel bad emotionally. Will it be worth it to do that again anytime soon? My guess is no. This is as much about emotions as it is about physical hunger. We all had issues pre-WLS and we will all continue to battle these issues post-WLS. I have considered joing something like Overeaters Annonymous or Weigh****chers just so I can have that support behind me. I know I have not conqured eating yet. I am trying to cultivate good habbits now and it may just help me do that. Perhaps you could look into that. Also, I have a womens center nearby that offers 1x workshops on emotional eating that I plan to go to. Check around, see if your local community college has some nutrition classes. I figure these things can't hurt. Anyway, you know you messed up... its ok, just adjust the rest of your food intake for the day accordindly. Maybe have protein drinks for lunch & dinner with a light protein snack inbetween. You will be ok. Take Care, Mary (p.s. thanks for posting this. i know i have felt this way in the past and its nice to know that we all have the same struggles)

Hey Mary: You are so right...I guess we just assume (sometimes) that this surgery should have very well cured our brains as well as our bodies. I know it is pathetic to have my mood so wrapped up in the *pounds.* My mind KNOWS that my clothes are looser but when my eyes see the scale in the same damn place, the whole, "Yay, my clothes are too loose" feeling goes down the drain. It is CRAZY! And you are also right about my BK run being emotional. If the sun was shining and I was driving my car to work weighing 199, I would not have considered stopping. But I almost had a "oh screw it" attitude...and that is what scared me. I have never considered a place like OA before...but maybe it is not such a bad idea. I refuse to attempt therapy again after the epic disaster my only therapy experience turned into...but OA might be a good alternative. Thanks for the post...it made me feel much better and, today, that is saying something! Love and hugs, Jersey

At our support meeting last night we had a guest speaker that was 3 1/2 years out and had lost all of the weight. She said that while she was losing weight she had several times that she stopped losing weight. One time she said she did not lose any weight for 2 months. She said during that time she increased her exercise and watched her food really close. She said nothing passed her mouth that was not suppose to and she still did not lose during that time. She said it was very discouraging but she did what she was told to do and finally the weight loss started up again. I hope this helps. It helped me to hear it because I am at a point I am not losing. Janet

Hey Janet: That IS good to hear. I have had stalls since the very beginning of my journey. I don't know...maybe my body just does not want to let go of the fat. I really appreciate you telling me this, though...if someone who sucessfully lost their weight went through all of this, then I guess there is still hope for me! Thanks again! Love and hugs, Jersey

Girl.... YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! But you can have the burger king and still succeed! Throw away half of the bread... get milk instead of soda... you can change your choices, and make them healthier for you... But beyond that... I am feeling the same way. I am stuck bouncing around from 218 to 223... I can't break through... I wanna see 200 or less... SO BADLY!!! But it is just not happening. I can't be finished, I don't wanna be done... I got a stern mini-lecture from my surgeon yesterday regarding grazing. It is really hard not to, since I sit at my desk most days. I have "meals" that I can eat, but if I am short on time, I will grab a handful of crackers and a cheese stick, and then later have something else, and then a little later have something else... I told him that there is just that fear that I'm not getting enough... and he said, for the most part... you don't need to get "enough" you have the "enough" part stored... and that is what you are trying to lose... I just kind of thought... yeah, I know, I know... but you know... I still have that..."I'm hungry, better eat something" feeling. And after days of not eating very much, and still not losing, and then things like hair loss, when we are told that we are not getting enough protien, then we try to get some more in... and how do we get more in??? Eat more.... Vicious cycle... I'm telling you... But {{{HUGS}}} Jersey... No flames... You can break 200... you know the rules to follow... you know you have to fight for it... you know, you know, you know.... Much love~~~ Angela

Hey Girl... You are right...I know the rules...I have to get back to sticking to them! In the beginning I was SO strict and, even though I went through stalls, at least I knew I was doing things right. But lately I have been introducing TOO many dangerous carbs into my body. Those 100 Calorie packs are SINFUL! And I LOVE them. I have snacked on them or those South Beach PB cookies. I cannot believe I have introduced these into my diet...I wanted to stay far away from stuff like this. I am going to try to re-evaluate everything this weekend. I need to start BRINGING my lunch to work so I am not at a loss when noon rolls around. I need to have more control over what I eat. Lately...it is slightly out of control! Thanks for the comfort words...I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. Love and hugs, Jersey

Jersey, I have posted this before but I will say it again. I am going through the EXACT same thing. I keep going up and down the same few F*$#@ing pounds. I am getting frustrated and eating CRAP,I am grazing. I guess I keep telling myself that I am still going to the gym (I would not have done that pre-WLS),I am drinking a ton of water ( I would not have done that Pre-WLS),I am eating 2 sugar free cookies instead of 1/2 a BOX of fudge covered Oreos (not pre-WLS). So as bad as we think it is...it could certainly be worse. Now I feel bad that i am justifying our bad behavior! Damned if you do and damned if you dont!!! Will this guilt ever go away?

Hey Val: You should be celebrating the things you are doing so right! You go to the gym...drink water...those are all excellent! I don't think you are justifying our bad behavoir! In a sense...we are addicts trying to overcome an addiction. I still feel badly about the BK run this morning...but thanks to all of you, I feel SO much better! THANK YOU!! Hugs, Jersey

Are you taking measurements? You might be loosing inches now. Most of us go to be big because when we failed at dieting, we ran out and ate, almost like we were defying our bodies and our selves. It's a hard habit to break. The difference is you only go 1 sandwich, before I am sure you would have had 2 and another meal like it later in the day, or a bag of cookies. As for eating it all. The mass of the sandwich is really not that much if chewed. So that might be why you could eat it all. I say this often, but maybe you could talk to your surgeon and get on some anti depressents, just till things calm down. When I get depressed, I want to eat. This leads to more depression (whether I eat or not). You can try that. If you increased your exercise, maybe you have gained some muscloe, which means you actually lost some fat. It will turn around. We all have at least a year, if not 18 months to finish this thing out. So we all need to keep with the program and it will work out. Don't beat yourself up so bad, not liking what you did is ok, so you know not to do it again, but beating yourself up can lead to an old pattern, at least for me it would. Here's a big hug and kiss It will get better. Time sucks huh? We can't get rid of it in our lives.