Back to Basics - Day 6 (Very Long Wah-Wah-Fest)
CRRRRRRRASH!
That was the sound of me falling off the wagon! 
Okay...today sucked. Well, *I* sucked, actually. No...both...today sucked and I sucked. I am actually going to start out with what is going to sound like an excuse...but I am not excusing my actions, just explaining them...so here it goes.
My week has been horrible. My husband is away and I do not know if my 22-month-old is suffering from separation anxiety or what, but he has been a nightmare. He screams and cries and clings. All the time! Now, normally I can handle anything...really...but this week I totally crumbled! First of all, even before my husband left for Asia, he has been working all kinds of hours. So, after my 9 stressful hours at work, I pick up my son and spend the evening with his crying and screaming and being wicked bratty...no matter what I do. The only thing that seems to make him happy lately is watching Finding Nemo...so we watch that at least once on the weekdays and maybe 10 times Saturday and Sunday.
Anyhoo...so my husband works until about 7:30 and my son goes to bed at 8 (and I am the one who puts him to bed) so I am with him mostly by myself all evening. Again, I never minded before but he has become SO challenging lately (plus...I am not feeling well and am a little stressed about my endoscopy on Tuesday). I have not been out with a friend in months. I work, come home, sleep. Work, come home, sleep. So, for the first time in my whole life, I actually feel a little lonely. I feel SO pathetic even saying that but it is true. Now, I told my one sister this. She said, "Well, I will come down on Tuesday (this is last Tuesday) and we can go to the Chinest restaurant that I love." Now...I HATE Chinese food but I go there on the rare occassions she comes to see me because she lives 45 minutes from me and I really do appreciate her making the trip. She and I used to see each other every single Thursday (we used to meet halfway) but not anymore. I do not even want to get into how much that irriates me because *I* make the effort to see her but she does not.
Okay...sorry for digressing. Again, because I was so miserable this week, I was so pathetically grateful that she was coming to visit me. On Saturday I said, "You are still coming on Tuesday, right?" She said, "Yeah...I just have to talk to Frank (her husband) to make sure." On Sunday, I said, "Did you talk to Frank?" She said, "Not yet." On Monday...same thing...but I actually begged her to talk to him to make sure she could come." I am sure you know where this is going. By Tuesday morning I had not heard from her (remember...she was supposed to come down that night). I sent her a txt msg that said, "Are we going out?" At this point, I knew full well we weren't but I wanted her to actually tell me. She ends up saying that she cannot go out until 6:30 and she would meet me halfway. Okay...she KNOWS how my son has been. She wants me to go home (I get home at 5:15-5:30), feed my son and drag him back out at 6:30? He goes to bed by 8:00. I was SOO furious. You have to understand...I do EVERYTHING for her. She knew how desperate I was for company but she let me down.
I thought...okay...I can get past this. I had plans to take my 17-year-old niece to dinner on Thursday night. I figured at least I would get out one night. I had asked my other sister (my niece's mother) if she would watch my son. There is no point taking him to a restaurant right now...he would be a nightmare and it would not be enjoyable for anyone. My sister agreed. Before I hung up, I asked her again and told her how important it was to me to get out of the house. Again...you can guess where this is going, right? Now...this sister is just weird. I cannot even believe we are related...but she agreed to watch him so whatever. Well, on Thursday, my niece sent me a txt msg saying that not only is my sister NO****ching my son but she said I never asked her in the first place. I kid you not. My sister is psychotic pathological liar. And a born-again Christian. Try parsing that one.
So both my sisters let me down. Again. Since I was already kind of at the end of my rope, I REALLY took this hard. Of course, when Aunt Flo showed up the next day, it explained my intense reaction to it...but I just needed to get out of the house and spend an hour away from my son (terrible Mom, I know).
On to the next story...when I picked my son up from Day Care on Friday, they were, for some reason, serving cupcakes. Now...I have not craved sweets since the week after my surgery...but, people, I wanted this cupcake. BADLY. I did not eat it and stuck to the plan on Friday.
This morning, I woke up and had a Profect vial. I did not feel like making myself an egg. The reason for this is because, when I tried to leave the room, my son has a full-on temper tantrum. I did not feel like hearing it and I refuse to cook over an open flame while holding him. I had to go to the bank so I took him out with me. But he was cranky (big shocker) so I went to Burger King to get him fries (I rarely allow him to eat such food but he loves it and, from time to time, I think it is okay). Anyhow...I got him a chicken sandwich, too, thinking he would like that. I fed him fries all the way home. When I got home and tried to feed him the sandwich, he would not eat it. Actually...he became so mal-tempered that I knew he was ready for a nap. I put him down and returned to the living room. Where the chicken sandwich was. Where the rest of the fries were.
It was 12:30 and I had only had a Profect vial since I woke up (no...since my son woke me up with his screaming) at 5:00 AM. All of a sudden, I was shaking I was so hungry. I gave my dog the bun but I ate the whole effin' breaded chicken patty...cheese, mayo and all. And I had about 20 french fries.
I figured that is all I would eat for the day...so the damage would not be that bad. After my son's nap, I took him to the mall because I NEEDED to get some things. My son screamed through the 4 stores I had to go to. Really, I thought I was going to lose it. Today is my nephew's birthday so, after the mall, I stopped by my sister's house to give him his gift (this is the sister who claimed I never asked her to watch my son on Thursday). There are always 100 teenagers at her house so my son was very happy getting all the attention from the kids. My sister asked me if I wanted to stay and have a burger and, even though I was still furious with her, I stayed for my son's benefit. I had one bite of the burger and was happy to taste that it was VERY well-done because there is no way I would eat it (I like my meat half-mooing ). I thought, "YES! I will make it through the rest of this day not eating anything!" I mean...there were Cheese Doodles on the table (one of my ultimate favorite pre-op foods)...and Doritos and chips and salsa. I did not touch even one. I was incredibly proud of myself.
....but then my sister brought out my nephew's cake. Thoughts of wanting the cupcake the previous day came flooding back and I knew there was NO WAY I was going to pass up the cake. And I didn't. I had a piece. It was small...but it was the first time I had something like that since surgery. Not only did I feel guilty as hell for eating it but it made me SOO sick (but it was SOO yummy!).
So...what are my totals for the day?
Day 1/Starting Weight - 187
Day 2 Weight - 186
Day 3 Weight - 184
Day 4 Weight - 183
Day 5 Weight - 183
Day 6 Weight - 182 (wanna bet I am 184 tomorrow after today's debauchery?)
Breakfast - Profect Vial
Snack - Nothing
Lunch - Burger King chicken sandwich (no bread)
Snack - Nothing
Dinner - 2 bites of a hockey-puck burger and a piece of cake
Totals (Calories/Fat/Carb/Protein) = Probably 12,367/Who/the hell/knows!
Water = None. I kid you not. But I had about 30 oz. of Diet Coke. Banner day, I am telling you!
Vitamins = None...I cannot take ANY vitamins until after my endoscopy on Tuesday. I am anemic so not taking my iron is going to do WONDERS for my energy level...perfect timing.
Exercise = Aaaaahahahahahahahaha
Tomorrow is another day...I will be better.
Thanks so much for listening, guys!
Hugs,
Jersey
Okay...today sucked. Well, *I* sucked, actually. No...both...today sucked and I sucked. I am actually going to start out with what is going to sound like an excuse...but I am not excusing my actions, just explaining them...so here it goes.
My week has been horrible. My husband is away and I do not know if my 22-month-old is suffering from separation anxiety or what, but he has been a nightmare. He screams and cries and clings. All the time! Now, normally I can handle anything...really...but this week I totally crumbled! First of all, even before my husband left for Asia, he has been working all kinds of hours. So, after my 9 stressful hours at work, I pick up my son and spend the evening with his crying and screaming and being wicked bratty...no matter what I do. The only thing that seems to make him happy lately is watching Finding Nemo...so we watch that at least once on the weekdays and maybe 10 times Saturday and Sunday.
Anyhoo...so my husband works until about 7:30 and my son goes to bed at 8 (and I am the one who puts him to bed) so I am with him mostly by myself all evening. Again, I never minded before but he has become SO challenging lately (plus...I am not feeling well and am a little stressed about my endoscopy on Tuesday). I have not been out with a friend in months. I work, come home, sleep. Work, come home, sleep. So, for the first time in my whole life, I actually feel a little lonely. I feel SO pathetic even saying that but it is true. Now, I told my one sister this. She said, "Well, I will come down on Tuesday (this is last Tuesday) and we can go to the Chinest restaurant that I love." Now...I HATE Chinese food but I go there on the rare occassions she comes to see me because she lives 45 minutes from me and I really do appreciate her making the trip. She and I used to see each other every single Thursday (we used to meet halfway) but not anymore. I do not even want to get into how much that irriates me because *I* make the effort to see her but she does not.
Okay...sorry for digressing. Again, because I was so miserable this week, I was so pathetically grateful that she was coming to visit me. On Saturday I said, "You are still coming on Tuesday, right?" She said, "Yeah...I just have to talk to Frank (her husband) to make sure." On Sunday, I said, "Did you talk to Frank?" She said, "Not yet." On Monday...same thing...but I actually begged her to talk to him to make sure she could come." I am sure you know where this is going. By Tuesday morning I had not heard from her (remember...she was supposed to come down that night). I sent her a txt msg that said, "Are we going out?" At this point, I knew full well we weren't but I wanted her to actually tell me. She ends up saying that she cannot go out until 6:30 and she would meet me halfway. Okay...she KNOWS how my son has been. She wants me to go home (I get home at 5:15-5:30), feed my son and drag him back out at 6:30? He goes to bed by 8:00. I was SOO furious. You have to understand...I do EVERYTHING for her. She knew how desperate I was for company but she let me down.
I thought...okay...I can get past this. I had plans to take my 17-year-old niece to dinner on Thursday night. I figured at least I would get out one night. I had asked my other sister (my niece's mother) if she would watch my son. There is no point taking him to a restaurant right now...he would be a nightmare and it would not be enjoyable for anyone. My sister agreed. Before I hung up, I asked her again and told her how important it was to me to get out of the house. Again...you can guess where this is going, right? Now...this sister is just weird. I cannot even believe we are related...but she agreed to watch him so whatever. Well, on Thursday, my niece sent me a txt msg saying that not only is my sister NO****ching my son but she said I never asked her in the first place. I kid you not. My sister is psychotic pathological liar. And a born-again Christian. Try parsing that one.
So both my sisters let me down. Again. Since I was already kind of at the end of my rope, I REALLY took this hard. Of course, when Aunt Flo showed up the next day, it explained my intense reaction to it...but I just needed to get out of the house and spend an hour away from my son (terrible Mom, I know).
On to the next story...when I picked my son up from Day Care on Friday, they were, for some reason, serving cupcakes. Now...I have not craved sweets since the week after my surgery...but, people, I wanted this cupcake. BADLY. I did not eat it and stuck to the plan on Friday.
This morning, I woke up and had a Profect vial. I did not feel like making myself an egg. The reason for this is because, when I tried to leave the room, my son has a full-on temper tantrum. I did not feel like hearing it and I refuse to cook over an open flame while holding him. I had to go to the bank so I took him out with me. But he was cranky (big shocker) so I went to Burger King to get him fries (I rarely allow him to eat such food but he loves it and, from time to time, I think it is okay). Anyhow...I got him a chicken sandwich, too, thinking he would like that. I fed him fries all the way home. When I got home and tried to feed him the sandwich, he would not eat it. Actually...he became so mal-tempered that I knew he was ready for a nap. I put him down and returned to the living room. Where the chicken sandwich was. Where the rest of the fries were.
It was 12:30 and I had only had a Profect vial since I woke up (no...since my son woke me up with his screaming) at 5:00 AM. All of a sudden, I was shaking I was so hungry. I gave my dog the bun but I ate the whole effin' breaded chicken patty...cheese, mayo and all. And I had about 20 french fries.
I figured that is all I would eat for the day...so the damage would not be that bad. After my son's nap, I took him to the mall because I NEEDED to get some things. My son screamed through the 4 stores I had to go to. Really, I thought I was going to lose it. Today is my nephew's birthday so, after the mall, I stopped by my sister's house to give him his gift (this is the sister who claimed I never asked her to watch my son on Thursday). There are always 100 teenagers at her house so my son was very happy getting all the attention from the kids. My sister asked me if I wanted to stay and have a burger and, even though I was still furious with her, I stayed for my son's benefit. I had one bite of the burger and was happy to taste that it was VERY well-done because there is no way I would eat it (I like my meat half-mooing ). I thought, "YES! I will make it through the rest of this day not eating anything!" I mean...there were Cheese Doodles on the table (one of my ultimate favorite pre-op foods)...and Doritos and chips and salsa. I did not touch even one. I was incredibly proud of myself.
....but then my sister brought out my nephew's cake. Thoughts of wanting the cupcake the previous day came flooding back and I knew there was NO WAY I was going to pass up the cake. And I didn't. I had a piece. It was small...but it was the first time I had something like that since surgery. Not only did I feel guilty as hell for eating it but it made me SOO sick (but it was SOO yummy!).
So...what are my totals for the day?
Day 1/Starting Weight - 187
Day 2 Weight - 186
Day 3 Weight - 184
Day 4 Weight - 183
Day 5 Weight - 183
Day 6 Weight - 182 (wanna bet I am 184 tomorrow after today's debauchery?)
Breakfast - Profect Vial
Snack - Nothing
Lunch - Burger King chicken sandwich (no bread)
Snack - Nothing
Dinner - 2 bites of a hockey-puck burger and a piece of cake
Totals (Calories/Fat/Carb/Protein) = Probably 12,367/Who/the hell/knows!
Water = None. I kid you not. But I had about 30 oz. of Diet Coke. Banner day, I am telling you!
Vitamins = None...I cannot take ANY vitamins until after my endoscopy on Tuesday. I am anemic so not taking my iron is going to do WONDERS for my energy level...perfect timing.
Exercise = Aaaaahahahahahahahaha
Tomorrow is another day...I will be better.
Thanks so much for listening, guys!
Hugs,
Jersey 
Oh Jersey... HUGE California Hugs coming your way girlfriend. I am sooo sorry you've had a rough week, month, year! It pained me to read how your day went... I totally felt it.
I don't think you're going to be back up to 184 tomorrow... keep your chin up chick. I cracked today too! We went to Marie Callendars and I was just gonna eat my salmon... but we got no sugar added pie! I was just gonna have the apples... but the crust was sooo goooooood. AND my AF decided to rear her head too he he.
Day 1: 217
Day 2: 216.4
Day 3: 211.8
Day 4: 212.6
Day 5: 212.6
Day 6: 212.6
Breakfast: 2 eggs, bacon bits, cheese
Snack - Tuna
Lunch - 2 Protein Cookies- I was dieing for cookies!
Snack - Nada
Dinner - 3 oz Salmon, 2 shrimp, slice of no sugar added apple pie
Totals (Calories/Fat/Carb/Protein) = 1030/43/76/82
Water = 108.9 so far (still early, only 9 pm)
Vitamins = Haven't taken anything today yet.
Exercise = Work at Jack: 6-11:30, Work at LB: 1-5
I'm here for you Jersey. Love You Girl!
Hey Jersey you did not do anything wrong...Had you eaten the whole cake I wouldn't be saying this but come on...Don't you think you deserve a treat every now and then. You only had a piece of cake in 9 months. Last year you couldn't say that I bet. Give yourself a break. From the week you descibed I am feeling your stress and may go treat myself too. Just kidding! 
Thats why we call it the terrible twos. I wish I lived closer I would come visit and maybe even babysit! Please forgive your self!
~~hugs and well wishes~`
Chris
Thats why we call it the terrible twos. I wish I lived closer I would come visit and maybe even babysit! Please forgive your self!
~~hugs and well wishes~`
Chris
So sorry about your day ...I could feel your pain as I read it...Just remember your husband will be home soon and then you can spend some well deserved time alone or out whatever, Remember to that this surgery is a major drain on our bodies and to top it with all you have been going through I think you handled yourself just fine.
CHEER UP, IT WILL BE OK
TORI
Most Active
Recent Topics
