Feeling Scared

With surgery just a little more than 36 hours away, I am feeling so many emotions. One of the biggies is FEAR! Not of the nausea that I've so been dreading... not even of the pain that I KNOW I am a big sissy about..... It's the whole "what if I don't make it through the surgery?" and "what if something happens after I have the surgery?" This morning my wonderful fiance Jeff and I were driving in the rain and spotted a little yard sale where the people were hurriedly trying to get all their wares packed up and out of the rain. I noticed a tall, oblong picture that had a sun and a moon on it and some writing. Jeff jumped out of the car and asked the people how much they wanted for it.... they said "you can just have it!" (great price!) He put it in the car and then we read what it said..... I don't remember word for word, but it was something like "Some people come into your lives and then one day they're gone, having left left footprints on your soul..." I just looked at Jeff and HE said "I'm not bringing that into the house!" (We just ended up leaving it perched up against the wall in the parking lot of the complex we live at.) Now I KNOW that there is an extremely small percentage of people who actually die from complications from this surgery. But I can't help think that it IS a risky procedure and I AM taking a risk. I dont know..... feeling very emotional right now. There's no way in HELL that I'd choose not to go through with this right now, but none the less... I AM feeling kind of scared. More so than I ever thought I would. Just needed to share that with you guys. ~Teri~

Teri sweetie, What you are feeling is very normal In fact most people are scared before surgery. Remember, not many people choose to have major surgery and you have. But keep the end in mind. You have choosen to have a healthier life and need this to make that happen. So keep thinking positive thoughts. Do what you need to do to get ready. Pack your bag. Get your supplies for after surgery. And hang out her on the board. We will help you through. Just think about how good you will feel next Summer.......... Regards and many hugs Ronna

Hi Teri, I am scheduled for surgery on 1/24. Just last week, I was freaking out about exactly what you are feeling. One thing that helped was to read all the suggestions my OH friends had, and to write a list about how my life will be if I don't get the surgery. You can check out my profile if you want to because I posted it there too. It also helped me to get all my legal papers in order like my Living Will and Medical Durable Power of Attorney. I really struggled with choosing to do that, but it actually gave me comfort. Maybe I am strange, but knowing I have all my ducks in a row (just in case) made me feel more at peace. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but for me it also helped to pray and put it in Gods hands. I know She will protect me and not let anything happen to me. This is not to say that tomorrow I will not be freaking out again, but hey, one day at a time. Hang in there sweetie, and keep posting. There are really wonderful people here who will help you through. I will be praying for you. Rosa

Thanks for sharing Teri! I am going thru those same emotions. Mysurgery is on Thursday and I am feeling the same way. But I know that deep down I am doing the right thing and will better my health for doing so. I have alot in my life I have yet to do. I am not a real religious person but I have asked God to help me get thru this. I honestly things happen for a reason. If God thought this wasnt right for me he wouldnt have made the process for me so easy. May god bless you in this time of fear and may he settle and calm your fears to help you see the good you are doing for your body. Every major surgery has risks but I feel the benefits out way the risks not to do it. I wish you the best!!!!! ((((Teri)))) -Sue 5 days and counting!!!

I was so relieved to read your post. I am 5 days preop and just this evening was having a conversation with a friend about the exact same thing. I have been so excited up until now and all of a sudden now I am terrified. I know so many more people that have made it successfully through surgery and had incredible results than not, that is helping me. Along with my clothes, I am planning which rosary I am going to take and which friend I am going to call to make sure she is lighting candles for me...I also believe a great deal in the power of positive thinking, good wishes, postive vibes, and I know that I have a lot of people wishing me well, as do you, and that energy will help carry you through your surgery safe and sound and back to us here on the board where we anxiously await to hear how wonderfully everything went.

hi Teri you will be ok i was a mess a week before surgery it is normal what helped me was i went to church for mass then i spoke to the mon sr (priest) he blessed me than i felt 100% better. just keep yourself busy.dave

Oh Teri! Do I know how you feel. I have cried continuously for the last 24 hours. My head aches and I'm scared half to death something will happen. Add that to desparately wanting to spend time with my kids in case something does happen to me so they will have memories and wanting to get as far away as possible because they wont stop fighting and I would normally say I've got enough on my plate. But of course, that never is enough. I went last night to have my "last meal" and asked my husband if he wanted to go with me and he said "oh, that's not tomorrow? I already ate." Tells how much he has been paying attention. He's not planning on going to the hospital with me and I really wonder who I should leave a number for if a life and death situation should occur. I'm wondering if I would be better off having them call my mom and dad in Florida. Can they legally make that kind of decision??? When I finally got up the nerve to tell my boss, she was incredulous that he wasnt going with me. She has asked that I have someone call and let them know. I said I couldn't guarentee that. Should I take my 15 year old out of school to stay with me that day??? Part of me says no one needs to be there because they would just be sitting around doing nothing and waiting. But then, what if I only had a few minutes left and no one was around to hold my hand?? So, I ate my last meal alone; I'll drive myself to the hospital alone; and I'll go through this alone. Something tells me, rather strongly, that when this is over, I may well choose to spend the rest of my life alone. I feel so alone.l DeAnna

Sweet Deanna, My heart really goes out to you right now. Personally, I think that it would be okay to have your 15 year old with you. I think you need someone to go with you. (Missing one day from school should be okay.) I will be praying for you and watching this site to follow your journey. ~Teri~

DeAnna, You are not alone!!! We are all with you in spirit and are sending mountains of good thoughts your way. You are taking a giant step for yourself and your future that will include your children. They will have their Mom!! In addition, I doubt the nursing staff will ever let you feel so lonely. Talk to the chaplain at the hosptial also. It sounds like your boss may appreciate a call from you when you feel better. We never know *****ally cares- people never cease to amaze me. I am my surgery Thursday AM - getting a little nervous, but look at this whole thing as one of the most positive things I've ever done. We all care about you!!! cj