Grief and Mourning

I really miss my old relationship with my favorite foods (chicken, potato wedges, etc). I haven't tried those foods yet but most of what I do taste is unappealing now. I know food was never my best friend but it does feel somewhat like a death of a relationship. It will never be the same again and it may not even exist anymore in the same pleasurable way it had. I knew my relationship with food would change drastically after the surgery but knowing that doesn't seem to make the mourning go away. Anyone with similar feelings? Karen

Hi, Karen. I don't necessarily miss the relationship with food (I just had surgery Monday but haven't had solids for over a week) as it was a negative one, for sure. However, I do miss being able to go in there and have a (what used to be normal) meal with my family. I am hanging out in the livingroom while they're enjoying the great smelling food that I'm missing out on. What I'm trying to focus on is that I will be having some yummy solids (soft proteins) after my drains are removed and then progressing to new things, in time. And eventually, I'll be able to have that meal with the family. I'll just eat differently and not as much. Just give it some time and you'll be somewhat "normal" again. I'm not sure what you're eating plan is like as they all seem to differ a little. But mine is gradual over six months. I hope the feelings get better. Counseling can't hurt. That's my next step. Good luck and best wishes. Kim

Karen, Yes, I had similiar feelings. I had a real hard time about 1 week after surgery. I craved and cried about the "mental side" of the surgery. I have been much better now that I am on most foods except beef, bread, rice and most pork. My hardest is the soda. I drank Mt. Dew all day before and I think that has been the hardest to give up. In the past week, I haven't craved as much. In fact some of those things I loved almost turns my stomach (pouch?) because I know that I would feel so awful. Also, I stalled for about 1 week at about week 2 1/2. That was hard because I was down and craving. My weight loss has picked back up again in the past couple days dropping 4 more pounds. Lisa 1/3/06 -28 post op

Karen, People on the OH board had warned me about the grief/mourning of food and I thought o.k. sure! I thought I had prepared myself but it was nothing like what I thought it would be. I realized I turned to food when I needed a friend or was lonely, sad even happy. I now realize I cannot do that. Last night I had dinner with my family at the table they had taco salad and I had 2 tbsp of refried beans with mozzerella cheese on top. The smells don't bother me in fact I cook dinner and it's like an aroma to me like a nice smell but that's it. I don't want the food I'm lucky I suppose I have zero appetite and have to make myself drink and eat. But I do go through mourning even though I don't want the food I've gone through it. Just take it one day at a time. I'm leaning on God alot to help me through all this. God Bless, Julie

Hi Karen - I had my surgery 1/23, and I am finding myself going through more depression than I anticipated. I know it will pass in time - this is a major adjustment period. In the last month I have given up soda, coffee, cigarettes, and food. Sometimes I wonder why I did this, but then I remember the health aspects. I did it to be healthy again and enjoy life more. Yes, I am struggling with it a bit right now, but I know this is a process. As I get back to eating some real food I know I will feel better. Hang in there - we're on the same page. SYlvia

Karen, I was a big cravings person, as soon as doc put me on puree/soft I was ready to get back into the grove of treating myself everyday I did well. (one that is wrong behavior) two I didn't care. I was craving it because I couldn't have it, and when I was allowed to, I realized it was no big deal, and I'm not interested. I am happy with that. If I can truly say I really don't want it and mean it, that is the best breakthrough yet! So I am actually celebrating! I am sorry you are in mourning, but now you need to make a new best friend and reward yourself with new non-food items :::hugs::: cyndi

I do miss it, eslecially when DH and daughter are eating the way I used to be able to eat. I just keep reminding myself that this is only temporary, and I will get to have more normal foods again in the future. Hang in there. I'll be 'hanging out' with you as well. Sandy L

Hi Karen; You sure hit the nail on the head.I started mourniing in some ways the day I went to my first consultaion.It is truly a life altering experience. Even though I had no complications and have no hunger at this time ,I truly am in mourning.Food has been my friend/enemy my entire life. Having said that though,I am so excited about what the future is going to hold.I feel better already.I agree with all who answered your post.Good luck to all.Patsy

Yesterday I looked a snickers bar and wondered if it would have more than 16g sugar and cause dumping (ANSWER: YES!) but did not pick it up or eat any. I first had these thoughts when I tried Tenuate years ago. I did not know what to do with my time now that I was not looking for or eating most of the time. Eventually I wore that down and unfortunately, gained weight because I did not address the mental issues of my eating. I am now in therapy to do so because I refuse to mess this up. In past years I've even gone so far as to take on nutrition as a hobby and my therapist says I can no longer have a hobby that is food oriented. Now I am working to classify food as fuel and not an entertainment source. I live alone so I dont have external influences tempting me. I do still catch myself opening the fridge door or going to the grocery store when I am bored/tired/lonely or want entertainment. Cyndi introduced me to Dr Phil's Weight Loss Strategy book and I find it just spot on. It will be a big part of my emotional growth in the coming months/years. ~Tiffany

Karen, thanks for posting this. I had this experience for the first time last night when my family was eating fast food in front of me. The smells were intoxicating and I was very tempted to reach over and snatch a piece of chicken out of my DD's hand! But, I told myself that it was not time in my healing process to do that and that eventually, I will be able to eat food again. I think I'm struggling with this first week of only liquids. I just really want to chew something. I can't tell you how I'm looking forward to having my egg on Tuesday!! But, I'm hoping that once I begin eating solid food, that I will experience some of the same feelings of "non-desire" that others here have expressed. I think it's definitely one of those "you only want what you can't have" things. Anyway, at this point I'm definitely struggling with some of the same issues and hope that by getting some therapy and reading Dr. Phil's book, I will be able to put food behind me as a crutch and use it for fuel only. Lisa