Except the "NEW" rejection.

This is the longest post ever but I need to vent. Along with that comes a story. I know Kay talked about the opposite (compliments) yesterday and I replied with a portion of this, but the S&#@ hit the fan for me tonight. (I posted this in my blog so it sounds a little wired when I talk about OH as a web site support place) I just got back from my Mom and Dads, it was awesome, at first. We laughed our butts off and relived some old memories (my nieces new fiance' had to know some dirt ya know?) my dad told some token jokes and then on the ride home, BAM! (not an accident!!) I was with my little sister #6 who is exactly like me, she is the baby and she has been divorced 5 years. Her attitude and strong personality is just like mine. She is a smart ass and feels the exact same way I do about casual relationships. Anyway, I totally sidetracked there. Sorry. My sister #1 who is down from Seattle did not say one word to me tonight and I felt she was being a little standoffish (Is that is REALLY a word?) anyway..... My other sister showed up so we were all there except Black Sheep #5. Sister #3 was acting a little strange as well. I was like what the hell is going on here. When we were driving home #6 asked if #1 said anything to me. I advised her that she didn't say one word to me. She asked if #3 had and I said she told me that I looked really good, but that was about it. I could tell she was uncomfortable. (Everyone is usually all COOL with me. I am the peace maker.) #6 then proceeded to tell me that they were having issues with the weight I lost. It's a huge production for my Mom. She is always a proud parent and full of loving and motivating comments. Well, when she asked me how much I had lost I wanted to crawl in a hole and die because I knew that the freak signals were coming from that very subject. I told her 50 LBS in a whisper and she had to say, more and more about it. I was so uncomfortable. She went off about how great that was, how proud she was and how good I looked. Well I was told that both sisters (#1 and #3) are struggling with the issue and it made me really sad. #1 was not happy about it from the get go, and #3 was totally happy for me, things have changed. I try not to talk about it, or let on how excited and great I feel because I do not want to hurt anyones feelings. I put myself in their shoes and think I would feel the same way. If it was something I wanted so bad and someone else was getting it right before my eyes I may tend to lean toward a little jealousy. Well I lost it on the ride home. I cried because I did not bargain for this reaction from my own family. The hurt feelings on both sides. I was being rejected. Unlike a stranger in our home, I was not feeling welcomed. I expected it from co-workers and get it daily. The bitter attitude and the resentment I get from others for trying to better myself is killing me. Why do heavier people have to have so much anger and rage about something we have all wanted , our whole lives. Why can't they just be happy for me? My family is split in the overweight and thin category. I got the heavy gene. DAMN IT! I never in a million years wanted to hurt anyone by losing weight. I never wanted anyone to be affected except myself. I wanted to live a happier and healthier life and chose to take that gamble and it paid off. Why am I so upset by their reactions? I feel hurt and sad. I prepared in every way for this situation. I researched on the internet, I log what I eat on a website, I joined a gym, I attend group support meetings and get support from an on line group. I never in a million years was prepared for this though. I can not understand how anyone could be so happy on one side and so sad on the other. Why can they not be happy for me and respect that this is something I have wanted my whole life. I have always been the chubby girl. I have always respected everyone and been a great friend. Why now am I being punished for something that should be impacting me, not them? I am sad at the moment and will need to really think about what the hell my reaction will be in the future. I can not stand a strained relationship over weightloss, that is absurd. It's fat for crying in the beer. It's 50 stupid pounds. It's not me, it's not my feelings, it's just extra weight. I will never go back to "that girl" from before. My life is so different now. I am finally in a place where I am happy, healthy and ready for whatever comes my way..... Except the "NEW" rejection.

Suzan I am so sorry that your family is not supporting you. It sounds like your sisters are jealous of your strong will power to decide to go through with the surgery. Don't let anyone get you upset. Remember you decided to go through this lifestyle change to have a longer healthly life for yourself. Don't forget there are alot friends here that understand what you are going through and don't forget we are just a email post away.... Remember "Keep in touch" All of us here are on your side Kristie. Suzan

Suzan, Thanks so much for your kind words. I feel a little better now and will continue to grow on my journey. I just NEVER expected that reaction. I know they are jealous and it makes my heart hurt very much. I can only imagine if it was me in their shoes. I can relate so much to those feelings. I beleive that's what hurts, more than their reactions. It's a huge change for everyone, I just wished I had known what to expect. Thanks again for wading through the longest post ever. Kristie

Kristie sweetie, It is hard to try and break out of the roles we have always held in our families especially when "others" try to keep us in those roles. I'm sorry that your sisters aren't supporting your decision to take back your life, but it's your decision and it's a damn good one and you've made it for the right reasons. They will come around in time. And then maybe you will be able to support them in doing what they need to do to help them improve their lives as well. In the mean time, keep on keeping on. Keep going to the gym, keep getting in your protein and drinking your water. You're going to be just fine. Regards and many hugs, Ronna

Screw them! I know they are your family, but they need to understand that you have had this surgery for your health and your life. NOT to make them look bad. If they cant be supportive, Id tell them how you feel and let them ponder. They will come around, and if they dont, tell THEM to get the surgery and shut the hell up! No need in there jealous rages to make you feel bad for bettering yourself! Sorry to be so straight forward about it, but OMG... I cant believe a family would act like that to someone who just wants to be healthy! Tell them to get a life! I think you have and are doing a great job!! Dont let anyone tell you anything different. Smile.. You will be sucessful... screw them! Michelle

Kristie, I am so very sorry that you felt badly about your family's reaction. I agree with Ronna...it seems that we have such defined roles. When someone breaks out of that role for whatever reason, it's bound to cause a shake up. The thing is...you have fought for this surgery and had it to benefit your health...your LIFE! You will most likely live longer, and certainly be around longer to fulfill your role in your family. Ultimately, it's not about what size jeans someone wears in the end (though admittedly, that is a nice benefit)...it's about living and being around for ourselves and for our family members. As soon as they realize this, hopefully they will break out of the jealousy mode, which I suspect probably has been just under the surface for some time now. Until then, you have every right to feel as you do! We're all going to go through a lot of changes (physically, emotionally, mentally). I have read that relationship dynamics change along the way. I think you are beginning to experience it firsthand. HUGS, Chele

Dearest Kristie, I am sorry the family visit turned you upside down and caused such turmoil. Ultimately you are in a good place, strong about your new approach to life, what you have accomplished and ready to face a healthy and stronger life. Relationships are going to change along the way. As I read your experience it reminded me of some similair situations I have recently experienced. They left me rattled and confused. In one recent family situation, they all told me I have lost and gained so much weight over the years that they dont expect me to succeed so why comment? Wow. That comment was like a knife thru my heart. My boss is dripping in jealousy and for the years we've worked together she had made nasty comments about me, mostly my weight even though she's quite heavy herself. Ever since surgery she treats me like I am crippled even though I have not taken off any time beyond my 10 days and worked hard to deliver strong results for the company. And my sister (#3) is also heavy and has turned all this into a horrific competition but she does not realize she's competing against herself. Every few days she has to recite all her exercise, how the guys are just lining up to date her and never forget, she is 30lbs lighter than I am and losing just as fast on weigh****chers, she does not need to resort to surgery. Another friend who is well over 400 lbs was angry with me from the minute I told her I was having surgery and along the way thought I'd back out. She called the day of surgery and then 2 days later when I got home to ***** me out. I finally told her that I was saddened that she was having such issues with my life change and maybe it was better if we stepped away from each other for awhile. Last week I called and left a msg saying I missed her and hoped we could move forward. I never got a call back. I could go on....my point is that you're not alone and I suspect such experiences will continue to occur. Hearing your stories gave me some comfort and the realization that this is human nature. And while hurtful and cruel, we cant take it personally because the problem lies with these other people, not us. We need people around us who will support our changes. We are in control. We have made decisions to bring our lives to a better place. We WILL succeed. And we hope those people are with us to share in the glory, if not, they will be missed but their issues cannot hold us back. Sending you hugs and friendship, we're together in our journey. ~Tiffany

I totally understand. I am beginning to find out that my baby sister is twinging on the jealous side. She just had a hysterectomy last fall and weight is creeping up on her. I am almost down to her weight (155) and she keeps making remarks about me being smaller than her. My sister never had kids and has had a body to die for, all her life. Now I am working to be healthy and fit and she is worried that I am going to look better than her this summer on the back of a bike. Ha Ha She is the one with a Harley. Go figure. Just keep doing what you are doing and they will be fine. DeborahJ

Kristie, This is not your problem. You did nothing to create the feelings/issues/whatever they are having. They created them. The reaction your family is having is their CHOICE. You cannot change the choice they make one way or the other. Enjoy the positive changes you are making in your life and be thankful for everything good in your own life. Teresa

Kristie: I am so sorry this is going on in your life right now. As others have stated, we all seem to grow up filling our "roles" in our family and friendships, and lots of times people get angry when someone steps out of that role. I am sure your sisters love you, though, and when they really get a chance to see over an extended period of time not only the physical changes, but the emotional ones when you are truly HAPPY with yourself and able to do more things than you ever dreamed (I assume, as that's what I am looking forward to), they will hopefully come around and be able to push their jealousy aside. I am the heavy one in my family, and talking about it has been rather taboo, so they are all really happy for me and my decision (thank goodness). I can relate in terms of a certain friendship I have though, where one of my closest friends keeps joking around and calling me a B***h and telling me how jealous she is. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable because, although I know she's joking and really is happy for me, I know that it does come from a place of truth because I've been the jealous one before and know what it feels like!! Just remember that you made the very best decision for you, and continue to accept the love and support from family and friends. And if they are not able to give it to you, come here for virtual hugs and support. We are always around!! Beth