Friends and Family

Hi everyone! I love this group for all of its insight and advice as well as friendship! Here's my issue People are really starting to see the weightloss- which is a GREAT thing (I've lost 78 pounds and 43 inches)! I'm ecstatic about it. But my sister is not really enjoying the attention being taken away from her and given to me for once. She's gone to the point of giving up fast food for Lent and we're not even Catholic! Tonight after an ag class, we were chatting with those who also showed for my college this past weekend. They were saying how I'm changing- they see a whole new person emerging. When I was showing, they said it was totally different. Unfortunately, the new person is just my old self emerging.... which I am so excited about! I am gaining confidence, have better self esteem, am able to move and show my lambs better- its amazing! But my sister, who is 2 years younger always gets a blank stare on her face when they talk about me. Those people are sticks to begin with and were discussing weight loss tactics, etc and my sis was doing the face again. So I brought up her giving up fast food and said she'd be a Skinny Minnie by Easter! The girls then turned their attention to her and she seemed to glow- which was fantastic! I'm just wondering if anyone is having any problems with jealous/unhappy friends or family members? Was I right in switching the spot light to my sis? I just hate it when she's mad and , when she's like that its like living with a bear! Thanks for your help! *~*Jaci*~*

Jaci~ I think it was very humbling of you. Was it needed, no. You're not the one running up to people saying, "look at me". We are working hard at this weight loss and compliments are the confirmation of a job well done. I think they are well deserved. I would be half tempted to start up a discussion with her to get her input on why she is behaving this way. Maybe start it off by saying, "I wish you could be as happy for me as these guys." Dawn

Good Advice, Dawn... thanks alot! Maybe she'll feel better after Lent when looses some weight. She used to be all muscle from working out and playing sports.... now she just works and goes to school. Thanks!

Jaci, I am sorry your sister isn't sharing in your happiness for becoming healthier and happier, that is really too bad. You said she was younger and I think that is part of it, my little sister is also used to getting a lot of attention. Maybe try talking to her? You definitely not need to pass the positive feedback you are getting onto her, YOU deserve it! This isnt easy, and your sister needs to know that. On the other hand, you must be influencing her in a positive way if she is giving up fast food! Good for you! ((((HUGS)))) Karyn

Thanks Karyn. We're super competitive. I always hear how all these people and their sisters are best friends- I don't think we'll ever be that close. Its a whirlwind here! lol Hopefully it'll be better after Lent Jaci

Yes Cara, they sure are a different breed! lol I've noticed her looks before, but these girls were really gushing and talking about their own weight loss attempts, so I tried to bring her into the group. I don't plan on doing it often, but I thought she needed some reassurance, just like I need it every once in a while. I really admire her giving up Fast Food.. all this weekend she had to go to the store or to a restuaraunt while everyone else just got a quick bite at Mickey D's or Taco Bell.

Are you sure we're not related?!?!? LOL I have a sister that is 2 years younger too and let me tell you I have the SAME issue. For lent, she gave up meat, so she will lose weight. She is constantly on diets, and that's good to be healthy (obesity does run rampant in my family). But she does that blank stare thing without realizing she is. To me, she has been very supportive so far, but once I start losing more and fitting in her clothes or being a smaller size than her, which has NEVER happened, it's "game on" as my mom said. My sister is very competitive with me, sometimes subconsciously, and in the past it has been over guys. But once the weight comes off and more attention comes my way, I am already braced for the stuff to hit the fan. I think it's a sad reality that we have to deal with this. Our friends and families are having to go through a sort of upheaval too. We had a nice balance between Nicole (my sister) and me. She was the tough, athletic, solid one while I was the chubby artistic one. Now with me not being so chubby now and in the future, our places have changed. It will get better Jaci, and for now, yeah putting her in the spotlight was a very nice and humble thing. Make sure to talk to your sister, please, and try to avoid the whole competition with her. I really hope I can avoid it on my side. Best wishes for a bright day -- ~amber~

Oh my gosh, Amber you totally described my family! My sister was the Sports Star all through high school- volleyball, basketball, softball, etc. She was ripped! She's 6'2" and not skinny, but had muscle to make her bulky. We would laugh about her huge calves- pure muscle. I was the artsy band geek. I was in love with Band and FFA.... I still am in love! I was president of the Band and went above and beyond my school's chapter in the FFA. I was out there in the community. Ironically... those that knew Julie for her sports talents called me Julie's sister, those that knew me for my music and agriculture called Julie Jaci's sister lol. We are two opposite people! Before the surgery, as the days were closing in my parents discussed the possibility of my sister getting the surgery once I was near my goal... unfortunately I think my sister is too bull headed to do the "easy way out" in her eyes. I don't know how many times I've told her it isn't easy- throwing up, getting sick by eating just 3 oz, drinking all this water, no more bread pudding! lol... I think she sees the difficulty I'm having now, but she has a big bad jealous streak and I just had to ask for some advice. Thank you! Good luck with your sister, Amber!!!!! *~*Jaci*~*

Jaci, I posted this on the site two weeks ago (I can't beleive that anyone read it, let alone responded. Everyone here is so wonderful) It still stand true. I posted it in my blog on my space, so I just copied it int here today. If you've already read it, sorry. Except the new rejection! Current mood: rejected Category: Life I just got back from my Mom and Dads, it was awesome, at first. We laughed our butts off and relived some old memories (my nieces new fiance' had to know some dirt ya know?) my dad told some token jokes and then on the ride home, BAM! (not an accident!!) I was with my little sister #6 who is exactly like me, she is the baby and she has been divorced 5 years. Her attitude and strong personality is just like mine. She is a smart ass and feels the exact same way I do about casual relationships. Anyway, I totally sidetracked there. Sorry. My sister #1 who is down from Seattle did not say one word to me tonight and I felt she was being a little standoffish (Is that REALLY a word?) anyway..... My other sister showed up so we were all there except Black Sheep #5. Sister #3 was acting a little strange as well. I was like what the hell is going on here. When we were driving home #6 asked if #1 said anything to me. I advised her that she didn't say one word to me. She asked if #3 had and I said she told me that I looked really good, but that was about it. I could tell she was uncomfortable. (Everyone is usually all COOL with me. I am the peace maker.) #6 then proceeded to tell me that they were having issues with the weight I lost. It's a huge production for my Mom. She is always a proud parent and full of loving and motivating comments. Well, when she asked me how much I had lost I wanted to crawl in a hole and die because I knew that the freak signals were coming from that very subject. I told her 50 LBS in a whisper and she had to say, more and more about it. I was so uncomfortable. She went off about how great that was, how proud she was and how good I looked. Well I was told that both sisters (#1 and #3) are struggling with the issue and it made me really sad. #1 was not happy about it from the get go, and #3 was totally happy for me, things have changed. I try not to talk about it, or let on how excited and great I feel because I do not want to hurt anyones feelings. I put myself in their shoes and think I would feel the same way. If it was something I wanted so bad and someone else was getting it right before my eyes I may tend to lean toward a little jealousy. Well I lost it on the ride home. I cried because I did not bargain for this reaction from my own family. The hurt feelings on both sides. I was being rejected. Unlike a stranger in our home, I was not feeling welcomed. I expected it from co-workers and get it daily. The bitter attitude and the resentment I get from others for trying to better myself is killing me. Why do heavier people have to have so much anger and rage about something we have all wanted , our whole lives. Why can't they just be happy for me? My family is split in the overweight and thin category. I got the heavy gene. DAMN IT! I never in a million years wanted to hurt anyone by losing weight. I never wanted anyone to be affected except myself. I wanted to live a happier and healthier life and chose to take that gamble and it paid off. Why am I so upset by their reactions.? I prepared in every way for this situation. I researched on the internet, I log what I eat on a website, I joined a gym, I attend group support meetings and get support from an on line group. I never in a million years was prepared for this. I can not understand how anyone could be so happy on one side and so sad on the other. Why can they not be happy for me and respect that this is something I have wanted my whole life. I have always been the chubby girl. I have always respected everyone and been a great friend. Why now am I being punished for something that should be impacting me, not them? I am sad at the moment and will need to really think about what the hell my reaction will be in the future. I can not stand a strained relationship over weightloss, that is absurd. It's fat for crying in the beer. It's 50 stupid pounds. It's not me, it's not my feelings, it's just extra weight. I will never go back to "that girl" from before. My life is so different now. I am finally in a place where I am happy, healthy and ready for whatever comes my way..... Except the "NEW" rejection.

I did read your post, but I guess I didn't really feel a connection... now I completely understand!! Thanks for reposting it! *~*Jaci*~*