Getting a compliment......

Valerie brought up a good topic on taking compliments and it made me think about compliments I've received ..... or lack thereof. I've lost at least 35 pounds in 2 months, so how is it that no one has noticed that???? Sure, my friends from WLS support group notice and they compliment me, my immediate family notices, but no one else. Not the people at work, not even friends who don't know about the surgery. Are they unintentionally being unsupportive?

{{Roni}} I've noticed that when it comes to weight people are just weird when it comes to someone else successfully losing weight. I'm sorry that not more people are recognizing it on you. When I saw you at the support group meeting, I told you how marvelous you looked! I could see the biggest difference in your face and in your shoulders. My supposed best friend who supported my decision to have WLS has done a complete 180 since I've lost weight. She is getting married in December and the other day on the phone she told me that she wasn't going to ask me to be in the wedding party because she didn't want anyone skinnier then her in the wedding. I was very hurt by her telling me that, but I figured it's just cuz' she is jealous because I was ALWAYS the heavier one. Right after she told me that though - she asked how much I'd lost. I told her 53 lbs. She told me that would be the last time she ever asked me about my weight loss because she feels it just too discouraging for her (she is on Weigh****chers). The whole conversation was just very hurtful to me. I've not spoken to her since and honestly, I wouldn't even know what to say to her if she called me now. I hope it gets easier for all of us! Susan

Susan, that is just horrible! I can't imagine how painful that must be for you! One of my closest friends is also on WW and she'll always jokingly call me a b**ch when I tell her my wow moments or straight out tell me she's jealous and she wants a lapband (she'd have to gain 56 pounds to qualify so...no), but I always know deep down that she's able to get past her jealousy and be happy for me, so I just laugh at her and tell her, "yes, but I'm a HOT b**ch!" and she laughs with me. Jealousy is a human trait that we are all capable of, but the fact that your friend can't get past it enough to focus on what is most important - your friendship - is very, very sad. Big hugs to you! Beth

Oh Susan... That has to be one of the worst things I have heard on here. I am so sorry that your friend is honestly that shallow that she can't be happy for you and that you have regained control of your body. I have NEVER heard of a bride saying you can't be in her wedding because you're not fat enough.... OMG how did you not slap her? I would have had to be held back on that one for sure! But seriously, I respect you for not doing anything like that and being the adult in the entire situation. I feel sorry for her. Best wishes for a bright day -- ~amber~

Yes you did and it made me feel great. I just thought I'd get a reaction from people who don't even know I had the surgery. I stopped by a friends house yesterday afternoon, had not seen them since January and they didn't notice anything. Boggles the mind sometimes. I know how hurtfull that situation can be. My best friend from junior high and I stopped talking last year for similar reasons. I had been trying to have this surgery for a long time and she (we were always overweight together) used to say it was something she would never do, then she talked to her doctor about it and decided to have surgery too. It was a repulsive idea coming from me but as soon as her doctor mentioned it, she wanted all kinds of support from me, which I gave fully. She went with the LapBand, got approved right away and had surgery November 04. Well by April 05 she had only lost about 20 pounds. She looked great and I constantly told her how great she looked and how proud I was that she had made that decision, but as my approval started to come through for RNY, she became very jealous. I caught all kinds of attitude from her, she even got very nasty towards my daughter and that was the last straw for me and I have not talked to her since. It's like we could always relate to each other until we were on different pages. I was supportive 100% and expected the same from her but got jealousy in return. So I get where you are coming from and I am thankfule for the "it's all about me" theory. As sad as the situations are, the important people are still with me, so I can't really ask for more. Thanks, Roni

Hi Roni, I understand what you're saying. Let me share what happened to me. I kept being able to wear my same clothes-- it wasn't until I went shopping on Monday PM and wore a new outfit on Tuesday that fit that anyone reallynoticed and I've lost 66#s. Maybe it's the new clothes that fit- my attitude- or just that the old clothes were hiding us. Be patient- (yah easy for someone else to say) but after a 2 week pause in weight loss, my body shrunk= down from a 32-34 to a 26-28. Keep the faith baby!!! cj

That's a great idea CJ, I had actually received some new clothes (from Susan actually) but they were the same style as my old clothes, which I loved but I guess it's harder for people to see you in a different light unless you make more of a change. So, following that advice, I put on a dress I hav not been able to wear in a couple of years this morning. Maybe I'll get a decent reaction from work people today. I have always felt so uncomfortable in dresses so these people are really in for a treat today. We'll see how it goes. Thanks, Roni

Knock'em dead Roni!!!!

I agree with the others and will add that perhaps they just dont notice and are wrapped up in their own little world. Not that they are rude but think about it in reverse - do you notice every bit of weight they gain or lose? They may also just be polite. I wondered about this and looking back over the years, I've gained and lost sooooo many times. And almost appreciate that it was not the topic of conversation every time I went up and down. This is the first time I've not really been so intent on getting comments from people, this time is different. I am fighting a very intense disease and dont want my weight and surgery to be the topic of the office chit chat. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy compliments but am more comfortable being out of the limelight (right now, anyway!) Hope another viewpoint helps....

It does help Tiffany, thanks. I wasn't really concerned about it until a friend, who ALWAYS notices, didn't. He's a wonderful guy that I am close friends with and we went to dinner and I was so excited to see him after a while and when we were waiting for out table, I kept making excuses to get up (to see if her would notice) and he didn't say anything. Later, when I told him about the surgery, he said "I was going to say you look like you lost weight, but I didn't want to offend you if you hadn't". We just laughed about it but I told him he always noticed so I was kinda counting on him to say something. But I get what you're saying. It has been years of up and down (weight wise) so it's hard for people to always notice these things. Thanks.