Has WLS Made You Self Absorbed?

Maybe you don't need fixing? Just a thought. Maybe you need to be angry and get it all out so you can move forward. You are being awfully hard on yourself. tee

I missed you and am soooooo happy to see you back!! MUAH

I want to become more self-absorbed. !!! I really don't spend enough time or energy on myself and I recognize that as one of my biggest flaws. A certain degree of self-absorption is a good thing, as it shows that you care enough about yourself to concentrate on you. I'm trying so hard to get there. I spent my whole life thinking of everyone else. Puttings others before myself. Now, I want to enter the selfish phase of life. Where my going to the gym is a higher priority than agreeing to babysit my grandkids. I need to put me first, more often. It is not that I don't want to think of my family and friends.... I just want to think of me, first... then I'll be there for them, longer. If you are able to focus on yourself, then you should also pat yourself on the back... as you will be a better person for it. Karen G Entering my "selfish phase of life" !!!

Hi Kiki! Glad to see you! *hugs* -me

Concerned about my health and my appearance? Yes. Taking time to care about myself? Yes. Being critical of myself rather than letting go or giving in to my former lifestyle? Yes. Being more self-absorbed? I don't think so. In fact, for the first time in 30 years I take to put myself first for a change, but still not often enough. I worry about 5 pounds or 10 pounds or the fact that I never quite got to my original goal, whereas before I never worried until I was 50# or more out of control, and yet I didn't do much to try to reign it in. Others might view it as being self-absorbed, but now I view it as being in self-control and carrying for myself. Now, if we spend so much time on ourselves that we have no time/space for others, then maybe we are too self-absorbed. But I have found that with more energy I actually have more time for others. I've repaired some damaged relationships and work hard to maintain and grow others. As for being critical of others? Sure I am sometimes, but I try not to, and recognizing that we are doing that is an important aspect of moving away from it. Just some thoughts. Anewme

Hiya Kiki I just posted a question of my own on the main board that fits right in with your self absorbtion question. I would like to share it here with all the other wonderful replies you've gotten (sorry it's kind of long): This is a question that has been fluttering around in my mind the past week and if I may I'll briefly explain why. I've had difficulty seeing myself as "thin." Considering I've only dropped below 200 lbs. a couple of times since high school I've never worn cute flashy clothes, instead I was always prone to wearing things (especially shirts) at least one size too big. As I lost weight I continued this practice despite all the comments from my friends, family, and co-workers tellin me to "wear something that fits." I always replied that I couldn't afford to buy new clothes for every size when in reality I was just not comfortable wearing cothing that fit properly. In my mind fat girls should not wear form-fitting clothes. Period. I'll not go into all the thoughts, feelings, and changes that got me to where I am now, suffice it to say that although I'm not totally comfortable wearing a tight t-shirt or tucking my shirt in I can now do it on occassion without always feeling like a Fat Girl in a Little Coat. I do not feel that I'm obsessed with my skin issues but I am definitely very aware of them and not at all looking forward to the warm weather when I will have to either cover it all and suffer the heat or expose it all and suffer the embarrassment. I've given you this little look into my thought process to try and give you an idea how shocked I was last week when apparently one co-worker approached another and asked how well she knew me. She was wondering why (and I quote) La is such a ***** stating that (still quoting) ever since I had that surgery I think I'm all that. I have considered the source of those comments which were purposely targetted to be hurtful. They came from a bitter angry woman whom many people dislike, but still they've given me cause to stop and think. Although I'm "content" with my current weight I am still struggling with a poor self-image. I most certainly do not think I'm "all that," in fact I'm usually doing good to see myself as "partly that." But how do others see me? In my effort to seem self-assured and confident do I come off looking ****y and self-absorbed? I've still not drawn any conlusions myself so I thought I'd pick your collective brains and see if any of you have any input into this situation. *And I'll stop being offended when she stops calling me *****

Hey there!!!! Well, yes, I am WAY more self absorbed now than I was at 328lbs. When I walk out of the house I only want to look my best~I have a phrase for it that I think in my mind~and I actually think about it and judge whether or not I've achieved that "quality" or not. I refuse to wear clothes that don't look good or that I don't feel good in, my make up must be done and my hair must be prefect~its driving my husband a little crazy, but its what I do! Don't get me wrong, I always wanted to look good and I did the best with what I had at the time, but now I want to achieve something, some standard that I've set in my mind......why?? I have no clue, LOL!!!!!! I honestly don't know!!!!! I have not, however, become judgemental of others~at least I don't think I have. I still try to be a good person on the inside. I have noticed that others around me have let their unpleasant side unleash~it seems to be as soon as I am a smaller size than them that they get a little mean, but I just take it in stride, keep smiling and kill em with kindess! It honestly doesn't matter to me what size anyone else is, as long as they're a good person I like them! I'm not in competition with every female I'm around, I'm only in competition with myself!!!!! Tracy B 328/156 5'9"

Kiki Glad to see you back out here. I went through a good solid year of self-obsession And it has faded much in the last year. Like a clock chime- Really loud, then dying off bit by bit. I guess I so regimented my Vitamins and stuff That I do a lot without thinking now. Good and Bad I suppose. I associate my Vitamin supplements with Health Rather than weight, so I take them the way I do My Coumadin, or the way I used to take my Prevacid. I eat on a fairly tight schedule But just part of my daily routine. I guess it's the same thing that makes a religion Stable yet sometimes Thoughtless And without connection. A lot of what I do, that was pure weight obsession Has become habitual and dull I guess. My upcoming PS has added a little Verve to the mix But even that is being driven more by my schedule of projects Than when I would like to have it done. It's more about "Not getting in the way" of my work Than it is, as the 'idea' of it used to be- "Finally being 'Normal-Sized' and Done." Let yourself off the hook. Don't beat up on yourself for beating up on your self. I guess it comes down to the question- Are you disgruntled and discouraged because - You haven't lost as much weight as you'd hope? Or is it- That you haven't lost as much weight as you'd hope, Because you're disgruntled and discouraged? It's a Chicken and Egg Scenario That is best discussed with a therapist Getting an hourly rate. Cutting to the chase? (I know, too late) I don't think it matters Chicken or Egg. You've got yourself a Chicken Alfredo Omelet There. You need a paradigm shift, a break from your self An adjustment to your frame of reference. Shake your tree till all the dead pieces fall off. Do something completely outside of your normal acceptable life. Anything to change your perspective. People seem to be "self-adjusting" creatures. A metaphoric "Whack Up Side the Head" Tends to be the Human equivalent of a Soft-Reboot. Find something outside your comfort zone. WWF Wrestling tournament? Nudist Colony Weekend? Home-less Shelter weekend? Part-Time Job as a Waffle House Waitress? Extreme Performance Art Exhibit? A Rave? Small town Pentecostal Revival (complete with speaking in tongues)? Get something Pierced? Find that which completely is outside yourself Or that which appalls you, and experience it. Suddenly YOU will seem much more tolerable. Maybe? Absolute "Random," has always worked for me. ((((big hug and a sneaky pinch)))) Best Wishes- Dx

Kiki... Someone on my board read your comment and directed it to us, (January 2006) And yes right now I am very self absorbed in myself and the way I look. We are hitting out 3 months and I have to say I am already feeling this way. I fear the scale to slip back up and I am in awe that it goes down, I am so tired of hearing how great I look. I want to see it and feel it in my heart, and most of all my mind. I just got pictures back from January and I never realized how big I was at a mere 205 lbs. I am 5'1". My mind has always had issues, but there were days I felt so good and pretty. Now it is a struggle to stay away from mirrors becasue I have lost so fast I look old and tired and run down. I hope what ever issue are hindering your life things get better. I wonder often too If we will always see ourselves as morbid obese or if at some point 1,2,3,4,5 + years we will wake up and she/he will be gone for good and we can finally be at peace with ourselves, our new selves. God bless you my dear. Deborah J 220 most of my life/205 pre-op/144 13 weeks post op

Now that is a great story! Bet it made your day