I just got APPROVED last week after a nine month struggle. My RNY is scheduled for April 22nd.

-Willa

My surgery is booked for April 9th. I am from Ontario, Canada. I start Opti-fast on the 26th of March, which is only 11 days away...LOL

• I am angry and disappointed with myself for not being able to lose weight and keep it off without resorting to surgery.
• I am scared because I am not sure that surgery will actually help me accomplish permanent weight loss.
• I am despairing because I still cannot accept that I have no other options.
• I am angry because part of me resists the idea that changing my physical self will help me deal with an essentially emotional problem.
• I am afraid I will fail, and that after this there are no other options.
• I am angry because I feel backed against the wall.
• I am grateful that there IS an option other than trying sheer willpower, because that only works for so long before I gain the weight back.
• I am afraid that I won't get enough support, and that I will be alone as I try to approach my obesity and overeating in a new way.
• I am afraid of losing one of the surest, quickest, and oldest means of coping I have at my disposal.
• I am hopeful that this surgery will change me enough so that I am able to succeed in my efforts to be healthy.
• I am determined to live to 100 years old.
• I hate that I will STILL HAVE TO DIET AND EXERCISE after surgery, even though this is exactly what I have failed at all my life.
• I wish I could accept that I am someone who must diet and exercise in order to live a good life.
• I am resentful that there is no magic answer to my problems.
• I am scared that my hair will fall out.
• I am scared that I will eat around the sleeve.
• I am scared the surgery and recovery will hurt.
• I am scared that I will end up with a ton of extra skin.
• I am scared that I will have to have plastic surgery to remedy the excess skin.
• I am scared that I will have permanently tampered with my body, but gained (or lost) nothing in the end.

I'm sure there's more. Mostly, I'm scared and angry right now.

I have a TON of feelings roiling around.....some of which are contradictory to each other.  What are some of yours?

--Gillian

I'm also doing the RouxNY.  I'm in Seattle.

Good luck with your surgery!

--Gillian