Syb, I'm so glad to hear from you and that you are doing well. I've thought of you often and hoped you were ok. You're analogy about what life has been like is fitting for a lot of us, I think. It is for me, anyway... Continue to heal and know that you're in my thoughts.

It has been quite a while. If I wait for everything to be perfect in my life I will never return. If I wait to read and see how things have changed on the site I will never return. If I wait until I update my profile the same is true. But today I will tell you thatthe best rehearsed plan for dealing with emotional pain is eating and the fight has been intense. I have been in therapy all along but the therapy has been good and extremely intense since the beginning of the summer. I have lost 200 lbs and have fluctuated with 5 to 7 lbs since July. I saw the doctor for my 18 month check up this past Thursday and everything is wonderful except a vitamin D deficiency which is very common post surgery. In fact now Mayo is starting all their patients on a Vitamin D supplement as soon as they have surgery (at least that is what the surgeon said). Any way if you want more details about that you can ask. My labs are all great. My cancer check up was so encouraging with the lab work being great and no symptoms of recurrence. I have so much to be thankful for. I am doing good as for as food; not perfect, but who is perfect and I have a great Psychologist to help me deal with Why I overate in the first place. This journal entry is about the develpment of healthy habits post surgery and post weight loss. I have realized that my slate has to be cleaned off eompletely and my life script does have to be rewritten. September 27, 2006 Journal entry I feel as if my being is one large boil - infected sore - at its core is the most infectious negativity a human can imagine. Now the doctor has lanced the sore down to the core and I am like a volcano all the infection is coming out. Sometimes this process seems great; however, at other times it seems overwhelming. At times I see the heated red skin of infection = it is so painful = it burns - a simple touch (a thought) brings searing pain to my inner being. But then I see pink healthy skin. The fever and the hot searing pain have subsided and in this moment I find relief because I have hope - hope that the cankerous sore - my life as I have come to know it as will be healed. With that healing comes a new vision - positivity (apparently not such a word, I have just developed a new word to mean a positive outlook). I am as a baby learning to walk - every now and then I stand on two feet up against the sofa and I let go and take a wobbling step. Yes I dare to let myself think that I can walk, that I am okay and I am going to walk or be okay. I am standing up against that sofa at the present moment being drawn by two different ways of life. I need to decide which way I am going - staying stuck or starting over with this new clean page in my life. (In other words reverting back to the old way of dealing with painful emotions or walking in a new way of thinking - basically that "I Can do what is good for a worthy 'me'.")

Thank you all for your kindness. I know you know how hard this is. My friends have all been extremely supportive during my weight loss, but no one else has had the gastric bypass, so they just can't truly understand the work that has gone in to losing this weight. Yes, the first 100 pounds came off because of the surgery, but the second 100 I worked for each and every pound. Every one of you should congratulate yourselves for your hard work. We are on this together. Debra M.

Count me in, I'm thinkin, thinkin, thinkin, cant wait for Monday! Aliya

That is a beautiful thing! God Bless you. Keep it up Aliya