congrats to you Karen! Wanda

You have EVERY right to be afraid... all of these are truely life altering events.... and the options change lives as well.... And once you get some answers... you will feel a bit better but the what ifs are going to still be there..... I wish I could give you a real hug.... maybe someday... keep expressing those fears... journal, cry, bring them here.... it wont make them go away but might make them more bearable... Hugs Karen

Not so strangely, dealing with breast cancer (or any other serious disease for that matters), gets your head spinning running 1000 miles per hour and launches you into tons of fears. I'm afraid of waiting another 9 freakin' days for the next surgery. I'm afraid that the second lumpectomy (re-excision) won't get clear margins either. I'm afraid that I should have chosen a mastectomy instead of the second lumpectomy (doctor recommended the re-excision but would have done a mastectomy without question if I had wanted that). I'm afraid that my poor boob will look more deformed than it did to begin with (the post-WLS boob aka fruit roll-up). I'm afraid that even thought my sentinel lymph node was negative that some of the cancer escaped perhaps through the vascular system. I'm afraid that I might need chemotherapy (though it isn't looking that way but will really be up to the oncologist who I won't see til the surgery part of this is over). If I get chemo, I'm afraid that my WLS will affect my ability to absorb some of the good drugs that help counter the side effects. I'm afraid of early menopause if I get chemo because it might be basically ucky and mostly because it can cause significant bone loss. I'm afraid of the radiation therapy tiring me out, wearing me out, affecting my spirit and burning my skin. I'm afraid of the radiation therapy damaging my skin such that if I were ever to have cancer in that breast again that reconstruction would be a mess. I'm afraid of getting tested for the BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes (my sister is negative on both so not sure if I get tested or not) and finding out it is positive and have to face removal of both breasts and ovaries and reconstructive surgery. I'm afraid of hormone therapy and all the possible side effects... joint aches and pains, moodiness, depression and all sorts of crap. I'm afraid that WLS will effect the absorption of the hormone therapy. But strangely you know what I'm VERY afraid of? Weight gain from the hormone therapy. I finally get my weight to where it always should have been and I look great and I felt good (well before this anyway). Now I might be faced with a weight gain? I know my health is more important than 10 lbs or whatever it ends up being but still... it scares me. Thanks for all your support, prayers and for just listening. Kathy

For fear it wont stay... and I will wake up.. .BUT.... Yesterday... I wore a size 8... comfortably...jeans to be exact.... now they do have a bit of stretch to them... but a few weeks ago I tried to put them on and couldnt breathe... also.... scale said 163..... now in my case... this is HUGE.... Ive been between 165 and 170 since LAST MARCH.... and could not get the scale to budge... period... Am afraid to say it too loud in case its not true.... sooo Ive dropped 2 lbs and another size.... and WHAT pray tell have I been doing lately..... eating like a pig.... go figure... I need MORE calories... Well thats my update... am off to the gym for my hour of raising endorphins.... Have a great day all... am here waiting for the ice to begin. Hugs Karen

Hi Cary - It sure has been a long time!!! Congrats on the tt. I didn't have any real complications from mine. I just took LOTS of pain meds. I was very faithful with them for fear of being in uncontrolable pain. I really didn't feel better for about two months. I slept in the recliner for that long as I could not lay flat in bed at all. I've been through a lot this past year. Moved to a new town where we don't know ANYONE!! Kids changed schools and they didn't know anyone either!! We're adjusting to all that pretty good. I also got deathly ill and almost died, but we're getting through that pretty good too!!! Now I'm feeling GREAT and doing very very well. I was thinking about going to work part time but my kids are involved in so much at school that I don't think I really could work and keep up with their schedules. We've got basketball going right now, volleyball starts next week, plus cub scouts, and band and church activities.... ugh, I need a nanny just run the kids all over the place. LOL Glad to hear that you're doing good!!! Stay in touch more!!!!! Hugs, Laurie