Xpost: Green Monster

Ok, so I couldnt wait to get home to my true friends and VENT! One of my best friends (also a WLS grad who is 6 years out) called and said she was throwing a last minute birthday party for her 7 year old step daughter and could we meet them at Chucky Cheese. Sure as we were going to be there anyway for my nephews party.  While we were eatting I thought it was a little wierd that her 21 year old son, home from college for spring break, who is premed decided to inform us that ALL people need 130 grams of carbs a day just for our brains to function. I said "Wow! Guess someone should tell the gastric bypass surgeons that as we are limited to a lot less than that a day."  After he said it at least 3  more times I thought I would be a smart ass and ask how many carbs were in the two pieces of pizza I ate over about 2 hours.  No response.  Then it was cake time.  Told friend I would have a tiny piece.  No problem as it was with whipped cream frosting and not the full lard type and I had tried a sliver of cake  before with no problem.    Two minutes later I get the gotta go to the restroom soon feeling.  I dont dump but get loose stools with too much fat.  Then it dawns on me that preop Chucky Cheese pizza always gave me the craps and no surprise it did it postop.  Was in the restroom crapping for about 5 minutes. Even sent three text messages while on the pot.  My 11 year old daughter stood outside the stall waiting for me.  As we were leaving after the party and saying our goodbyes, my best friends teenage daughter makes some comment implying that I never eat and that I am THROWING up what I do eat. WTF.  Trust me, I sooooo eat, and yes I eat crap that I know better than to eat, yes its a bite or two then I am back on track.  Its no secret that I dont exercise so my hitting goal in less than a year is the exception.  I was soooo pissed!  I have NEVER ever made myself throw up.  To this day I have not thrown up  and sure as hell not from making myself throw up!!!  I love food or I wouldnt have become morbidly obese!  And with teh limited amounts we can physically eat I savor every last bite!   Who wants to puke!  I have been scared to puke from day one --just read my blogs.  Bet it hurts like hell and who wants that.  Even when I had brocoli stuck last week and was in pain for two days I had no intention of puking to get it up.    On the drive home I told my hubby about what was said.  His response was that my friend is jealous as she has put on weight and I am at goal and smaller than her. She was way bigger than I was before her surgery and has also lost 100 pounds. She is now putting weight back on. This "friend" of mine pukes all the time and makes herself puke when she gets the stuck feeling. She had a RNY but has a silastic band and says things get stuck all the time. I am guessing she is  probably making comments to her family and teenage son and daughter decided to speak up.  This WLS friend eats crap, doesnt get enough protein and is drinking and smoking like crazy.  No wonder she is gaining weight. She has traded her food addiction for alcohol and smoking. No wonder she is gaining weight. But to think I am not eatting and making myself puke, WTF.  I know the truth and the truth is she is dead wrong!!!!   I eat!  I dont puke! Not ever!!!  I eat 3 meals, two snacks and 2-3 protein drinks a day for God's sake!   I am working hard to maintain just where I am and honestly it hasnt been hard with zero effort and I will be a year out in a month.

So now I turn to my OH friends, do I purposely eat in front of her and never go to the restroom with her around so she can see that I am not puking? What do I say to her? I am just sooo pissed and not the type of person who cares what people think, especially when they are wrong!

I wouldn't worry about what she says. Its her problem not yours in the first place. If she wants to say crap like that, then let her be an ass. You know what you do and that all that matters. Opinions are like ******** and everybody's got one! LOL
You just keep doing what your doing, your just fine. Take care...

Hugs
~ Marcy ~

You know, Marcy has such an eloquent way with her words and I just totally love her for it!  I agree totally - it's her problem.  She's jealous.  And, the next time she says something publically, call her on it!  Let her and everyone around you know that you don't puke nor do you do anything at all to jeopardize your health.  And, let her know point blank and directly to her face that drinking alcohol and smoking does absolutely nothing to enhance her health and oh, my..........who's gaining weight?  Then walk away.  You do not need malcontented mouthy people in your life.  I try to surround myself with positive people who support me and my goals!

You are more than welcome to vent here and come to us and get support from the people who support you! 

On one hand I agree with both Marcy and Maureen...the so called friend needs to be confronted about her behavior; however, I have a real hard time getting in someone's face.  I remember some advice Ann Landers, (the newspaper advice columnist for those too young to remember her!) gave when someone asked what to say to someone who asked a very personal question: why would you want to know (such and such)?  In this case, I would look her in the face, and with a perfectly puzzled look, ask her where she ever got the idea you were bulimic??  and to put it back on her, ask if she throws up...and why???  JMHO..and to give you another option that may not be so distressing and confrontational.  Remember this is about and for YOU...the only one you have to be truthful with is yourself...no body else's business.  Hang in there and be good to yourself!
Nancy aka Sunray
We DO cus we CAN

I wouldn't worry about it. It happens. Some people don't like to see others succeed as they see themselves as failures. This is when the digs happen. Time to cut her loose... you can't change her. Close that door and open another for new "healthy" friendships. You've been through too much and don't deserve someone dragging you down or feeling guilty for your success. Hey, it's not your problem, it is hers.

Kim,

This gal does not sound like she is a friend.  Sometimes it takes something like this to really determine if a person is your freind our not.  Personally I would talk to her and ask her why she would do something like that, see if she apologizes and says you know what, you are looking so hot and I am gaining and I was jelous, I ams sorry, if she does this help her and work with her and forgive her.  If she cops a tude move on as she was never a true freind.   Having this surgery changes us physically and some people have a problem with it.  I have so noticed that I am treated so differently now.  It angers me deeply.  People actually look me in the eye, before they did not.  It is very sad.  My own mother is very jealous of my weight loss.  I have always been the largest daughter and now I am the thinnest and she can't deal with it.  She even told me last month that I looked fat in my pants and that my tummy looks like it is getting bigger not smaller.  How can that been when I have lost over 100 lbs? Some people have a problem with others being more successful then they are.  But one day they will answer for their actions.  Kim I am sorry this happened to you.  You know the truth and that is all that matters, my friend.  I will see you on Monday and you get two big hugs! 

Rhonda

Hubby asked why I was typing like a mad woman. (Was typing my OH Vent post). Then I let him read it.  My hubby and I had a hugh heart to heart about the whole friend thinking I make myself throw up thing.  Even he said its BS.  He said so many wonderful things last night I felt tons better. We even started joking about it every time I ate something.  He reminded me, just as my OH friends have, how hard we work to get where we are and that my "friend" has slacked on her WLS habits and has developed cross addictions. She is the one who needs help. Not me.  Had a great night with hubby and things are sooo much better this morning. ;)

Rhonda you look fantastic and your mother is suffering from "thats not my kid" syndrom.  My mom is coming into town today. I havent seen her in 4 months. She had a weight problem in her 20-30's. She dieted all the time. When my Dad died she dropped a ton of weight. Granted she looks great now and is super healthy now with better eatting habits. She weighs about what I do now.   My step dad has only known me fat. Its going to be a hugh Wow moment for them. Oh, and to my sooo called friend, we are going out to dinner  tonight to EAT!  LOL!




 

Sometimes it is so easy for people who are struggling with their own inner demons to look for someone else to criticize and bring down.  You have done an amazing job, and your friend, sadly has not and it is probably very painful for her to see how successful you are.  It doesn't make what she said right, but to some degree understandable.  She should do something more proactive and positive to check herself, but it's easier to put someone else down.  Misery loves company. 

Don't let her get you down.  You look awesome and you know you are doing what you need to do to keep the weight off.  Your friend needs to look inside herself and realize that she needs help.

~Naomi

I don't mean to rag on you, but I think this really needs to besaid.  I do agree with the others as needing to drop kick this friend out.  What I wanted to say, and please don't take this wrong, is that you are not quite a year out. You have been a success so far because for the first 18 months or so, you are practically guaranteed to be a success because of the sheer amount you cannot eat as opposed to what you can eat.  If you don't start exercising, I can also tell you that I guarantee you will have a hell of a time maintaining your weight once you are two years and more out from surgery.  You can ask absolutely anyone who is that far out and they will agree with me.  I am not saying you won't be able to maintain without exercise, but it is going to be sooooo hard for you.  Please think about it.  Take care!  BTW, Chucky Cheese's pizza is soooo nasty, I can see why it made you sick bothe before and after WLS.  

I don't even discuss food with others, even WLSers. Maybe that is why I don't encounter such comments. I have a WLS coworker who I KNOW does not take her sups or drink her water and she eats like crap, and thus feels like crap all the time...she will probably end up having the surgery reversed.

It isn't my business.

My goal was to lose the weight and to do everything within my power to not make food, beyond sharing a recipe, a topic of conversation outside my support groups. That is what normal people do. Normal people don't care if someone is in the bathroom for 10 minutes. Really, they don't.

I am very sorry you dumped at chuck e. cheese. I would not be brave enough to eat pizza AND cake at a public restaurant, but hey, lucky you.

I, too, would question a friendship that questions what I eat. I wonder what brought up the how many carbs feeds a brain issue, but I don't think I would have even fed that monkey. I would have let it drop. Maybe you wanted to discuss it, but when an animated rat is singing and kids are screaming in the background at a place where only pizza and cake is available, it is very difficult to have a serious discussion about proper nutrition. There was not the time nor place.

My two cents...your mileage may vary.