I've just been approved!!

I've been appoved and have a date.  6/11/09 @ 11:30AM.  Pre-op on 6/9/09 on which I will start my clear liquid diet.  I can't even believe it.  Less then a 2 month process and I had everything done to be approved by my insurance for surgery!  It has gone by so fast and here I am 3 weeks before surgery.  My tummy is turning and my head spining.  I'm so excited.

Can anyone help me with the following issue?
My husband was all gun-ho and supportive when I told him 2 months ago that I was going to start the process to get approved for surgery but today when I gave him the great news about being approved, he was soo negative.  I asked him to help me pick a date to have surgery and he told me that it was my issue and I should choose a date that would be good for me.  He also said that I needed to keep in mind that he only has Tueday's off from work.  I was like what???  So in other words, he can't be there for me unless it's on a Tuesday?  Is he kidding me?  My sister says it might be his way of showing he's worried or concerned since he's not all that in touch with his emotional side.  Could this be true?  I know you all are thinking, "Why don't you ask him?"  If it were that easy I would, but he never wants to share his emotional side with anyone, not even me.  What do you guys suggest I do?

Bubblishouz:

I don't know how long you have been married but this is a serious issue.  I agree with your sister that he may be his way of showing he is scared, concerned, and worried about the surgery.  However he needs to be there for you and you need to make sure he knows that.  Communication is paramount in any relationship and when someone has this type of life changing surgery then support is essential.  perhaps if you set down with him and explain that you understand he is not one to show emotion and normally does not share much of that side of him and that you need to know his thoughts and if he will support you, it may work.

Have you tried to include him the different screenings you had to go through?  Did he go with you for initial consultation?  Have you shared to pros and cons with him?

At the very least and ultimately you can gather support from others and explain to him that if he chooses not to be there or support you 100% that you are doing what is right for you and only hope that he will understand.

I honestly wish you the best of luck with this it does not sound like it going to be an easy course.

If you need anything or just to vent we are here for you .


Hugs and giggles from Baltimore

Lori

never settle for less than you deserve and you deserve only the best

Well, since you can't ask him and I am guessing that your crystal ball is broken (ha!)  Well, you might be able to ask him, but he may not be able to put into words exactly what is troubling him.

Your DH is more than likely worried about his wife undergoing surgery of any kind, let alone one that you would choose to do.  He is also worried, frightened, confused (any one of these things) because you will be different....more on the outside than on the inside, but none the less different.. The current you is the one your DH knows and loves and is familiar with.

I realize that you are the person who needs to supporting, but you might have to go the extra mile to support your husband. 

Here is my suggestion:  Put together a support network for yourself.  Prior to surgery shop for the things that you will need at home in terms of liquids: broth, sugar free pudding etc.  Make a batch of pudding ahead of time***just be sure to follow your doctor's orders for what you can eat***Maybe your sister can drive you to and from the hospital.  Maybe a neighbor or friend can check in on you during the day.  If you are having laproscopic surgery, you will be up and about in a day or so and feeling pretty well.  If you are having an open procedure, it will be a couple of days.

During your prep stage (now through the day before) reinforce to your husband and you love him and care about him now and always.  You can decide how to do this....verbal cues, written cues, whatever works for the two of you.  It might help the process.  I think that he will see that you are okay and that your relationship is okay too.

Hopefully, this will help.......

Congrats on your surgery day...and we are moving over to make room on the losers bench!!

Hey girl well Im going to give you my opinion.  I think that he thought deep down that maybe you were not going to go through it.  Maybe he thought it was just one of those crazy ideas.  But once you told him your date he probably got scared.  One thing is that maybe he was already use to the same thing.....not you but the same lifestyle....and now because of the change you decided he feels he has to change also and maybe that scares him......Maybe this is the way he is trying to discourage you from having this surgery,.,.....I had the same problem so trust me he will come arounddd...



GOOD luck and remember this is for you nobody else!!!

Thanks everyone!  These are all well thought out replys and they have been sooooo helpful!  I love my husband sooo much and want to make sure that he understands how important this is for me.  Because we both have Memorial Day off, i'm plannning to spend alone time with him on Sunday away from the kids, house, family.  I will take advantage of Sunday and have a folder of info regarding the surgery for him to read (i'll have to translate it in Spanish) and tell him how much it means for me for him to support me.  I'll keep you all posted on how that goes.  Thanks.