Dont know where to turn!!

I have been gone from this site for awhile, but need some help and guidence from anyone who has any suggestions for me.
As many of you know, I brought my nephew out here from Wisconsin, after finding out he was living in a homeless shelter in the winter and that he has been doing and dealing drugs for 12 yrs. Well, I got him out here and into rehab. After 60 days clean and him very happy about it, they gave him a day pass to come to my home and he USED!! 1/2 of a Vicodin and was kicked out of the program. Now he is at my house and slinging up in his bedroom watching TV all day and night. (Well, he does go to a meeting everynight) BUT, trying to get him out the door to find a J O B is a job in itself!  We have done everything except using an electric Cattleprod!!!!!! He is still clean, but lazyyyyyyy, omgggggg and lies. I call him on every lie!!
I am about to the end of my very long rope. I hate to give up because I am not a quitter, but dont know what else to do.
I know many of you have gone thru this (well maybe not inviting them into your home), so ANY AND ALL suggestions would be appreciated.
My health is not being effected. I am not eating much at all and have a constant pain in my stomach from the stress.
PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!
Sweeny

You have to weigh how much help you can be to him with your own health and life...We had to ask my husband's daughter to leave because her staying with us was going to jepardize our lives and health.

There comes a time when you have to let go and let God and let things happen that need to happen. You're enabling him to have a place to live but not have to work for it. You need to figure out if that is the best thing for him AND for you.

Sweeny, We had my niece staying here for a few months. She went through 3 jobs in 5 weeks.Would take off without a word to anyone. This was 2 years ago and it hasn't gotten any better. We had to make her leave here due to the stress she was causing. She has been staying at her Moms but no job, school and won't lift a finger to help around the house. He boyfriend just got out of prison so she now has a warrant out for Good oly knows what.
My advise is tell him work or out...period. You won't be a quitter. It is time to stop helping those who won't help themselves.

Wishing you the best.
HUGS
JOY

I appreciate ALL of your messages... The ONLY problem I have with making him move out is, I flew him in from Wisconsin and he has no other family out here and no way to get another place to live. He will have to go to another homeless shelter.... Maybe that is what he needs.
Believe it or not, I actually bought him a plane ticket back to Wisconsin for the 4th of July, when he was in rehab and doing welll, (my whole family gets together then).... I am thinking it may have to be a 1 way ticket back... I am defeated!! We just removed the TV from his room a few min ago and he will be pi$$ed off when he gets back from doing applications. I took him to an interview and then dropped him off and said I would be back in a few hours. YUP, I am an enabler, but trying to stop it.. I am getting so hardened, I guess that is why my stomach hurts so much..
arrrrggggggggggggg NO, NO, NO, I have to learn to say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess I am just needing to rant and beat the hell out of him!
Thanks to all of you for being there,
Sweeny

As you continue to enable him, you feed his addiction and he will never have any incentive to get his act together.

Getting tough with him could be the most loving thing anyone will ever bother to do for him. He may hate you for it now, but one day he might look back and appreciate your courage.  

Each time you rescue him you prevent him hitting 'rock bottom'. Perhaps if he's allowed to suffer the consequences of his own bad decisions (whether it be homelessness or isolation, etc...)he will be forced to take a look at what he's done to his life.

If I were you this is what I would do...
I would set conditions for his staying such as:

-He must show you proof each day he has applied for at least one new job.
-If he can't show proof one day that he has looked for and applied for a job he gets a warning, the next day if he hasn't applied for something, you take away his TV and begin the steps to start kicking him out.
-If this goes on for 2 weeks with no call backs or interviews he needs to lower his standards (if he hasn't already) and apply for lesser jobs, such as food service perhaps, or janitorial... dishwashing.. .whatever in addition to the ones in whatever his specialty is. SOMETHING is better than nothing.
-If he's not working on job searching and he's home he should be willing to do anything you ask him to. If that's not the case he needs to be kicked out.

He's not doing anything for you, not working or going to school, this small amount of effort on his part is NOT too much to ask at all. With this amount of effort hopefully he should have a new job in no time at all.

Tough love is love, letting him mooch off of you will only hurt him IMO

Thanks MYSTIMEL,
I have already done what you have suggested.. We made a print out of every place in a particular area he needs to apply every day. He must list who he talked to and what they said.. the sheet also has him get up at 7:30, coffee and shower/whatever until 8:30.. 8:30 until 10:00 apply on line and check out Craigs list for jobs listed.. 10:00 thru 2:00 out in public and apply.. 2:00-3:00 check e-mails for responses to apps, 3:00-4:00 freetime, 4:00-5:00 yardwork/housework here, 5:00-6:00 dinner, 6:00- whenever AA meetings, freetie after meeting.. There are different places to apply everyday of the week (dozens), but unless I follow him, how do I know he did any of them?

The mooching is over for him. I have nothing else to give, ya know...

Thanks again Mystimel, 

Sweeny 

If he's already doing that and it isn't working out, then maybe it is time for him to go to a homeless shelter.
IMO You shouldn't have to do the work to find out what he's been up to all day really though. The stress shouldn't be on you. The burden of proof is on him. Make him run to kinkos and make a copy of every filled out job app before he submits it  for example, print out the personalized cover letters he wrote for each company he applied to through craigs list. and at the end of the day he has to bring all of the proof of what he's been doing to you. That's the only time you need to deal with it, so it's way less work on your part. Give him a time limit to get OUT, maybe that will give him some more serious incentive to look for a job.

If none of that works for you, no worries, they're just suggestions. In the end you really just have to find a way for you to be happy or at least happier with everything. If that means simply kicking him out PLEASE do so!

Thanks Monica,
I thought he had hit rock bottom when I took him away from the homeless shelter in Wisconsin and helped him into a residential recovery home... He just wants someone to take care of him, I guess.. Well, it wont be me! I disconnected my home phone because he ran up a bill after I told him I dont have long distance. (I thought I didnt have long distance, but soon found out I did. He found out the 1st day he was here) It is as if I have adopted a teenager, and now I am taking things away... Phone, TV, visits to friends homes. I had to MAKE him get an AA Sponser.... I guess I need to throw up my hands and say screw it and screw him!
Telling myself to breathe.....
Thanks for the honesty and the help, 
Sweeny