HEART BROKEN

After 22 years of marriage ( and my WLS in Jan) it seems things are ending.  I sill love my husband, but we are going in two different places.  We've ended up in the desert living in his mom's 30-year-old trailer (the one he grew up in) because we've lost our home and we cannot afford to pay rent.  Our million year old air conditioning broke today....not good in 105 degree temps... so I'm done with him and living like this!  My husband refuses to look for other kind of work (the auto industry is gone...especially in Calif) so we are stuck.

I'm not sure what to do since I've been a housewife for 22 years.  My kids are all grown, and since our youngest graduated high school last year, (and left, because of our financial problems) I've enrolled in college.  Because I have Bi--polar, the State has, more or less, (sometimes less) paid for my last year in college, however I do not have my own income and my husband has been reduced to part-time income (he works for GM in So. Calif) so I'm left with nothing to fall back on.  We lost our house almost 2 years ago, we have no savings, no credit cards and our credit rating is completely shot.  I have $5.00 in my wallet and we are about $50.00 overdrawn in our checking account.

If there are other women who have found themselves in this predicament, I would greatly appreciate advice on how to proceed.

I'm not sure who would hire a 41-year-old house wife for just a few hours a night and if a few hours a night would pay for my expenses.  :O(  In the past 3 months I've become pretty dependent on alcohol, which makes things even worst.  I just don't know where to go from here.  I have nothing, I have no ability to get anything and I'm stuck......

Melissa, I am so sorry you are going thru all of this. We are pretty much in the same boat. Wanting a out, but no resources. I am on SSDI due to a work-related car accident in 2001. I am currently looking for employment as I get just under $700.00/mo from SSDI. I am praying that something comes through for you. Just a small piece of advice: Stop the alcohol now before it becomes a real problem. In the long run, the alcohol is going to hurt more than it's going to help. Sending big hugs to you.

~Katt~

As Kat said the alcohol must stop and stop now. You know alot of people think that this surgery will make a bad marriage good. There were issues when you had this surgery and it just made things worse.  I suggest a couple of things 1. go to a county clinic (mental health) not sure if you take meds for you bipolar disorder and get looked at. 2. get in to some couseling. you need it.
3. STOP THE ALCOHOL. IT ONLY NUMBS YOU AND DOESNT MAKE THE PROBLEM ANY BETTER. ( I wont give it too you nice a sweet. This does not require nice a sweet.)
4. get off you butt and go to edd ( unemployemnt on Monday) get help looking for work. 5. go to department of social services to apply for assistance.  if you or in your marriage you particiapted and paid into some system hopefully you can get something back.
So, get up get moving and do it. If you think it you can do it.

I am full of tough love. You need to do these things for yourself. These are suggestions and I hope that you see fit to follow thru.
Too many times suggestions are made here in situations like this and the person does not follow thru.
I wish you the best. Hope you can come back with a glimmer of hope.
Liz

((((((((((Liz))))))))) Love the tough love, lady!! =)

Princess, I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough time, and unfortunately I have no brilliant suggestions for your financial problems or your relationship.

    I do want to join the others who have strongly  recommended that the alcohol stops now. In addition to all the problems most people face with alcohol, it is even more dangerous after wls because you liver is already being stressed by rapid weight loss. The last thing you want to do is stress it further with alcohol. If you had a fatty liver pre-op, as many of us did, you could have some undiagnosed liver damage from that already. Fortunately, when we lose weight the liver usually recovers, but it won't recover if you damage it with alcohol.
     Cirrhosis is a terrible, terrible disease. Don't put yourself at risk for this. Get help if you need it, do whatever it takes, but stop drinking now.

Larra

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and suggestions!!!  I so appreciate everyone's concern and help.

I am seeing a psychiatrist (same on for many years) and I'm on meds.  Before WLS I didn't drink.  I'm not sure why now it's such a problem.  I know it's a HUGE problem.  I've called two therapists this week and left messages but no one has called me back yet.  We do have pretty good health insurance (thank goodness).  I don't think AA will help me....my drinking is a symptom of a much bigger problem.  How do things get so bad?  In the last three months my grandmother died, my last two children moved out and my grandson--who was was my world--died unexpectedly.  This is on top of all the financial problems.....  it never ends.

Melissa, if you didn't drink before surgery, it may be 'addiction tranferance'. You can't eat the way you did prior to surgery, so you've turned to alcohol to medicate yourself from your feelings. That is a slippery slope sweetie. It will only get worse if you don't find a way to deal with the feeling, stress, depression, etc. Just remember, we are all here for you. Keep calling the therapists until you get thru, altho you may not get a hold of them until monday, with it being 4th of July holiday weekend. Sending big hugs to you.

I have been on med since 85 for bi-polar.  I have learned how to deal with it.  I am going through major medical problems, most since I had weight loss surgery,  I turned to nothing, you have chosen to turn to drinking,  You controlled your eating, you can control drinking.  I am with Liz on the tough love deal.  Things get this bad because we allow them to, they don't just happen. You have a list of things that you were left to start to get your life back on track.....do them, and I think once you start to get out and do something to make all your issues better things will fall back into place.  I am not sticking up for your hubby, but his ego has been crushed with the economy, he is not alone, and I cannot relate, but you two need to talk with each other and see which direction needs to be taken.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Princess, I'm glad you're seeing a psychiatrist, esp one who already knows you well, and taking meds. But I disagree about AA not being of potential help to you because the drinking is "a symptom of a much bigger problem". AA has helped many people, and I would bet that, for many of them, the drinking was part of a bigger problem, or certainly not their only problem. And whatever other problems you may face, alcohol will only hinder your ability to deal with those problems.  Being sober, clear-headed and feeling healthy can only help you to face all the other stresses and loses in your life.

 

Larra