WTH is wrong with me?

Diane,
Having a larget liver scares me too. So does the fact that they may not be able to do it laproscopically. And what if I get there on the 30th and they turn me away? I am telling my mind to change and I want to start brand new, but with a week and a half, is it too late to make a difference? I do like to be in charge of my life, so I like the last line of your reply. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. You are a very special person to me.

Hi Michelle
You have received some fabulous and very important responses here and I wasn't going to add anything.  But your response to Diane prompted me to respond anyway ;-)  Your question, is it too late?  NEVER!  Your doctor said no more weight gain...so TODAY you eat right, walk around the block, drink the water, in other words, for TODAY, you do what you are suppose to do. Forget the week and a half time frame...today is the only day you can make a difference in your life. TODAY you CAN take charge of your life, even if it is 1 minute, 1 hour at a time.  You have come so far in your journey, you will NOT fail!  Look yourself in the face in the mirror...tell yourself that you DESERVE this, you are WORTHY of this and you WILL SUCCEED!

I know exactly where you are at; I played the head game after I reached surgery goal wt and received my surgery date-7weeks away@!  I 'decided' I didn't need to keep dieting, keep losing weight because I had reached surgery weight.  Well, I didn't gain but I sure didn't lose! And I got called on it by my case worker at Kaiser! And, yes, she warned me that if I was not at the weight they expected on the day of surgery, I could be turned away! That was enough to give me a 'wake up' call; I had told too many friends that I was all set for surgery.  I just couldn't go back and tell them I had failed..before I had even begun!

This is longer than I meant to be but I want you to succeed; I want to share your journey with you, support you, encourage you, even laugh and cry with you. I have faith in you that you can do this; you have already proven it! Now, as Laura Schlisinger (sp) would say..'GO SEIZE THE DAY'! ^_^
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Nancy aka Sunray
Do. Or not Do. There is NO TRY....yoda, Star Wars

Wow Nancy!
Your words really hit home with me. Thank you. Thank you, Thank you my friend. I don't want to be turned away. You are so correct when you say "Today you Can take charge of your life," and I choose to do so, NOW. I will succeed. Thank you very much!!! Many hugs to you!

My liver is 22 CM, and a normal one I believe is around 15 cm.  It was enlarged when I had surgery, it was just tougher getting around it to do the surgery.  Just as Noami said and Sunray...Take care of it today, it's all in your hands, and the only thing that is important is you, no one else, this is your time, your time to shine!

Hugs to you, Love Diane

Thank you again Diane. Your intrest and follow up of me, makes me feel good. You are a priceless gem. Many hugs to you and much love too.

You have gotten many great responses, all of which center around working for today.  Here is another compelling reason why you should follow your doctor's advice and not gain any more weight (so as not to enlarge what might be an already enlarged liver):

I wasn't told to do a liquid diet because I "just" (ha!) had 100 lbs to lose...there was no wiggle room for me.  My insurance company wouldn't cover the surgery if I wasn't 100 lbs  overweight.  So, I left the doctor's office a little trepiditious..nervous, relieved.  Afterall, if I could lose weight on my own, wouldn't I have just done that?  But I digress.

The day before the surgery, the staff told me to have liquids only from 4 pm on to reduce the size of my liver (which by all indications was just enlarged due to my weight).  I had liquids, but snuck in some sliced beef from the soup and a few other little tidbits (you know, a bite of this and a bite of that.)  I was also told to drink the citrate of magnesium, which I didn't do either.  I just used the Fleet's ene*a.

I go to surgery, get wheeled off and when I wake up, I feel like I am stuffed like a sausage.  I can't bend at the waist, can't really feel anything.  When I ask the surgeon, she tells me that I had such an enlarged liver that it belonged in a 400 lb man( I was 257lbs!!) and that my laproscopic procedure failed and became an open one instead.  25 odd staples later, a horrendous abdomial scar and a slim chance at plastics remind me of what my stubborness got me.  Would I do it again? Absolutely.  I maintain a 110 lb weight loss after 4 years.  Would I listen and follow directions and not pretend that I didn't know the consequences?  again, absolutely. 

Let those of us who have gone before you show you a better way.  I didn't mean to be long winded, but if I can enlighten you before your procedure, then it was worth it.

Good luck to you.  You are very lucky that there are people here who care enough about you to want to help you succeed.  NOW~protein, vitamins and out the door for you!!!

Thank you! Your response has really opened my eyes. I feel like I am scared straight, but the possibility of that happening is not something I want to face. I have 11 days to change what I am doing wrong. I have taken my vitamins, drank my protein (yuck), and tried to be more active (even if it is just paying some bills). Thank  you for giving me a dose of reality. And I don't think you were long winded and you did enlighten me.
Hugs,

Hi Michelle~

Just remember, its ONE step at a time.  One meal, one sip, one feeling, one thought.  When we tackle them one at a time, we tend not to get overwhelmed.

Now, for the protein..someone already suggested that you check out Vital lady.  They have sample packets that you can purchase but aren't expensive.  Costco's Premiere protein shake is great also.  I keep my extra cold, mix with 1 strawberry and some SF banana syrup and I am out the door.  Delish!  Also Walmart has Body Fortress powered protein (26 grm protein per scoop) that is also chocolately (if you like that.  They also have vanilla and strawberry).  You can do lots of things with it....add PB2 peanut butter and some SF strawberry jam, SF mint syrup.  You get the point.  If you want to PM me, I am happy to talk with you and send you some samples that I just received (still in the envelope.  Was having a brain freeze and ordered the same thing twice!!)

So for today, focus on that!  You will do well, my friend!!  I can feel it. 

Dear Michelle,

This process is more than just the physical re-making of our anatomy.  It involves examining why we gained weight, ate badly, didn't exercise, made excuses, etc.  A lot of why we got the way we did is more than just putting the wrong things in our mouths.  For each of us, there was and IS a trigger.  Part of what we have to do is to try and identify that and learn how to deal with it.  It is a daily struggle that doesn't go away just because you have WLS. 

There are a lot of good suggestions posted here.   We have all been where you are, and we deal with the issues everyday that pushed us to obesity.  You are not alone, and we are here to help.

Take a deep breath, try to relax and remember you can do this.  PM me if you would like to exchange phone numbers.

*hugs*

~Naomi

Thank you so much, Naomi! I will be PM-ing you, soon. I appreciate that you took the time out to respond to me. It means a lot to me. Thaks again!