I need you advice & support. Please No Judging! I feel bad enough.

Dear Cali friends,

I need you all to help me through this tough time that I am going through. In order for you to give me your advice, I need to fess up. Please do not judge me, but offer your words of wisdom. Well it started about two months ago, I had lost about 140lbs and was stuck at 175lbs. So, I went to my Dr. for my checkup & the Physicians Assistant is who I saw. Well, she said, I might want to try a little pill to help suppress the cravings. I was hesitant about trying it, then I decided "what the hell" . So, I got my little perscription for Phentermine and now I am hooked! I was is total weight loss heaven. I dropped 20lbs in six weeks! OMG!!! I thought, I found the cure!

For those of you who have never tried this, let me give you my advice. DON'T EVER GO THERE!

Once you start it, you are hooked. To me, it is like a legalized speed. I maybe exagerating, but it does give you the most incredible amount of energy, but I do warn you of the side effects, which are, headaches, insomnia, confusion (about life & decisions that you are making) and quiet irritable. After using this pill for mmm...about two months, I am having problems coming off of it.  When I stop taking it, I feel as though I am going to put weight back on. I find myself munching all day long. My cravings are worse than ever and I know, I have a lot of work to do mentally to get myself mentally healthy. But I am just so scared about putting this weight back on. I tried to go cold turkey this past week and a half and I have gained about 3lbs. OMG! I know, some of you will be like..oh'well three pounds, but in my mind...I am like those three pounds could turn into 5lbs which will then turn into 10lbs..etc!! In lost 140lbs by making the right choices & exercising, so why do I feel as though, I can't maintain with out my new so called friend. 

When I started this weight loss journey, I was told it would be a roller coaster & that I needed to buckle in for the ride of my life, but I never thought it would be like this. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad I did it and I would do it again in a heartbeat. But in my mental mind, I never knew how mental this process is. I am amazed that insurance companies make you see a psych before the process to make sure you are mentall ready for the lifestyle change, but why don't they make you see someone during the process. Yes, I do have an appointment next week to see someone, but I just can't understand why, I feel as though I can't do it without the help of a pill. I was so lucky to be given the gift of a fabulous tool and I don't want to ruin it. I know where I have been and where I want to be, but I need help in the direction of how to get back on track & stay on track!

So, I ask/beg you all for your much needed advice & support.

Your friend,

Jules

Jules,

You came to the right place.  First off you can do it without a pill and you have done it without a pill by using your tool.  Yes when you come off the pills you will gain a bit of weight back, that is normal.  What you need to do is to replace the eating with something else.  Chew on a straw, chew some gum, drink some ice water, take a walk what ever you possibly can do to keep from munching things that are not so good for you.  Plan every meal, plan every snack.  You can do this girl.  You are not alone.  We are here for you.  You also need to pick up the phone and call someone when you feel the urge to go back to the pills.  You have done a wonderful job of getting the weight off and you will keep it off I kow this in my heart.  You are a beautiful person inside and out and you can and will get through this.  You may also want to consider therapy.  There are therapists that specialize in wieght loss surgery and the effects it has on people.  This may help you relieve some of the stress you are going through right now and your fear of gaining.  Take care my friend, we are here for you.

((((((Hugs))))))

Rhonda

Thanks Rhonda. I really appreciate the kind words. I think you are right when it comes to planning my meals ahead of time, including my snacks. I need to be more incontrol of what I choose to put in my mouth. I will be making a therapist appt, today!

(((((((hugs)))))))

Julie

You go girl.  You are doing the right thing.  We are here for you as you can see.  You are a dynamic woman and you are capable of anything you put your mind to. 

Rhonda

jules...no judging from me... i fight the battle of craving and grazing every minute... i, too, have gained some weight back, and am harsh on myself about it...

each day is a new chance to start out right.... i think the emotional issues need dealing with.... and our addictive/compulsive natures that led us to obesity in the first place.

For me, i'm about ready to look for counseling to work on some of the internal issues...

Thanks for 'fessing up... sometimes that honesty is the first step to getting back on track...

Lori

Lori,

I thought if I fessed up, then maybe someone else out there is going through the same thing it would help them, too. I know if I want to reach my goal, then I need to be honest with my self and my friends. I do notice that I have a addictive personality. I am currently on restriction from the mall! Ouch!! I know that stinks, but I had to do it for myself and I have to take control back and not depend on some little pill. I will be seeking counseling and thank you for your kind words.

Julie

Jules,

No judging here, I think it's safe to say, we've all been there in one way or another, and you're not alone.  I think Rhonda was right on with her post, try to plan out your day with healthy choices and snacks.  There are great counselors out there either individual or group who can help get you through the "withdrawl" part.  I also can related about the weight gain, I put on 1/2 lb this past week and really got down on myself.  But I hadn't journaled as I am acustomed to, and my protein intake wasn't what it should have been, so this week, I'm righting the ship and we're sailing full steam ahead. 

You might consider journaling (I use Fitday and it's free) to keep you accountable and maybe even the 5 day pouch test to get you back on track.

One thing I am sure of, we're here with love and support, so please don't feel alone.

Hugs,
Barb

Barb,

I can honestly say..I get on the scale everyday just to make sure I have not passed my 5lb mark. I gave myself a 5lb mark on gaining. It's like when I get on the scale and I am at the same weight and have not hit that mark, it suddenly becomes "ok" to have that extra snack. When in reality, I know I am not hungry, but I must be using food again to hide whatever I am struggling with. I do give myself credit for atleast being able to acknowledge the fact that I am noticing when I am snacking, but I just don't know how to say.."enough, is enough". I need to become stronger mentally and to deal with whatever the underlying issue is. I am making a therapy appt today. Thank you for your kind words.

Julie

Jules ((((HUGS))) First off, I have to say I am very surprised your PA gave you that medication in the first place ...that was stupid on her part.
Secondly, stop beating yourself up, yes, I know easier said than done. You said you have an appointment with someone to help you deal with this  and that  is the very best thing you can do for yourself!!! I think all WLS patients should have to see a shrink or counselor to help us learn how to deal with the huge life changes we go through with WLS. This is 40% weight lose and 60% mental and emotional challenge!! Do you go to a support group? This too might help you.
I don't have an answer for you other than to say there is support and understanding here  and I am sure you know.
You have done fantastic on your WL...so I know you can turn this around and get back on track.


HUGS
JOY

Joy,

I totally agree with this process being 60% mental. It's sad though, we have come so far and lost so much, but our brains are still a couple miles behind. It's like we have to let out brain catch up. My mental mind sometimes thinks, I am the same big girl when I am not. I am not sure if anyone else has felt this way, but I have lost all this weight and suddenly I feel as though, I have lost who I was. I used to be the sweet girl with such a pretty face, if only I lost weight. Ugghhh... I hated hearing that. It was like, your pretty, BUT.....but what? What has weight have to do with who I am? I know this mental rollercoaster is not over, as a matter of fact, I am just beginning to see some more twists and turns. I know I need to see a therapist and I will be making an appt today. Thank you for taking the time to share your kind words & support.

Julie