I lost my way.........

Hello to all my old OH buddies, and to new ones I've yet to meet.   I have not posted on OH in way too long, and have really suffered the consequences.  I have lost my focus, lost my way, and lost sight of my journey.   I am recommiting today to myself, to my journey, to my future.  I need to find the way to get re-started and begin again.  I back tracked so much, gained back some of my hard earned weight loss pounds, and am emotionally miserable and dejected.  I have nobody to blame but myself and am going to work hard every day to find my way again.

My biggest mistake was in feeling "normal" and that I could stop caring what I ate and what I did because I did not think I would gain the weight back.  Well here I am, halfway back to my former self and I have nobody but myself to blame.  So nobody but myself can get me out of this mess.

Thanks for listening.  It just helps stating it publicly.  Like standing up at an AA meeting.  Admitting there is a problem is the first step.  Asking for help and acknowledging that I can't do it alone is the next step.  So here I am. 

Hi there Deanna,

Well.. Welcome Back Home!  Its super awesome that you are coming back and working it before you gain more.  You can do it!  As you must know, this is the greatest source of support ever with the greatest motivational people ever!   

Ive seen people talk about the 5 day pouch test, maybe thats a good thing to try?  Im only a couple months out so I don't have super advice, but I do have super support for you!

Hugs!!  And YOU CAN DO ITTTTT!!!!!

Jackie

Hi Jackie,

You are doing great.  Keep up the good work.  Please do not lose focus like I did.  I know I need the support and will continue to visit OH daily to remind myself why I am doing this and to get the support I depserately need.

Take care.

I stand and applaud you for admitting everything out loud.  You need to get back to being yourself emotionally tho.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  While you have gained some weight back, you are still so far from where you first started.

So with that said, we are here for you.  I need to become accountable too, but in my condition at this time, I feel I am doing really well.  Worse thing I eat during my day is too many bananas, they just go down so easy and don't annoy my tummy, but I along with you, will watch what I put in my mouth and try to get back on track myself.  I got 50 to go....and it's been almost 1 1/2 I gotta get with it.

Hoping to see you post more and remember, you are not alone in this fight!

Diane

Hi Diane,

I have a similar problem.  I have ulcers so soft foods like potatoes and bread are easiest on my tummy.  Protein hurts more.     I do just need to stay focused, and that is why I am back here on OH - to get the support and guidance I need.

Thanks for your kind words.

Deanna,

You are not alone.  There are many of us old timers who have "fallen off the wagon", myself included.  I've gained back nearly 70 pounds of the 250 I lost.  And you are so right.  After a few years, we can eat rather normally.  Almost like we did before surgery and we forget that the surgery was just a tool.  The honeymoon period is just that.  A time where it doesn't really matter what you eat, you will lose weight.  But get to 3 years and more out and everything changes. If you haven't dealt with your food demons, they are just waiting there to creep back into your life.  We are the only ones who can conquer them.  No one can do it for us.  Some have resorted to revision surgeries, some have become disciplined and learned to work the tool and others have just given up, feeling like failures and walked away from here due to embarassement.

All that being said, I too have recently come back here to find the support to get back on track.  Some days I do really well and other days I don't.  But as they say in AA, one day at a time.  I think that is all we can do.

You won't see alot of the old faces, but there are some very nice new faces who are very supportive.  So, welcome back.  We can do this together.

Stephanie

Hi Stephanie,

It is nice to hear from you.  It has been an amazing journey and I do hope that I can find the strength and will power to do this.   I have gained back 60 pounds and am definitely not happy about it.  I refuse to buy any bigger clothes so I need to get this weight off!   Today is my first day of the rest of my life.  

I learned the hard way that I cannot do this without support.    I never should have tried.  I want to be one of those who "become disciplined and learned to work the tool ".

HEY!!!!  How much older can this face get?????????????? 

You'd be surprised for sure.  But as my mother always used to say, "getting older sure beats the alternative".  So I guess I gotta stick to that theory.  Of course a little nip, tuck and pull here and there wouldn't hurt. 

You know that old saying, "we were born beautiful, not rich".  Well here is what I've learned.  That is BS.  It takes money to stay beautiful. 

Oh shoot, I just felt another wrinkle start. 

Hi Deanna... park your butt right back here on the loser's bench and work that tool.  Im a recent RnY'er, and things are going great for me now, but realistically I know that its just a matter of time before it will become more difficult to stay focused.  The fact that you are here means you are on the right track to accomplishing your goals! This soon out I am grappling with my expectations, both short term and long term, and I have heard, and I keep reminding myself that going back to day one after surgery and starting all over again through the stages is always an option to kick start that tool back into action.  Are any of us truly ever Normal? naw.. we are all amazing and special - and must treat ourselves accordingly!!! All the best to you!!!