Anyone read Dear Abby today?

SUBJECT:  Wife Who Slimmed Down Is Pumping Up Her Social Life

Don't we hear a lot of this...only reading one side of the story, but it is sad when some sacrifice their marriage over a little weight loss.

Actually it just  me!

I haven't read the article yet...but I am in a same sort of dilemma...regarding spouses.  I can move and get around much easier now...feet don't hurt due to new "Superfeet" brand inserts,  my knees aren't grinding and swelling, and my feet go the same direction when I walk!! 
 
Well, anyway, what's happening is, my husband knows I am in much less discomfort, so now..., instead of me finding it easier to accomplish what I used to do, he expects me to pick up the pace and do twice as much as I used to do...ergo, I am still as exhausted as before. 
Some things are gonna CHANGE around here...and soon!!!  If you hear tell of a really messy "fan" in the news....it's me making sure a certain situation HITS it!!!..lol 

Kim in Fontana

My doctor and I actually had a conversation about this earlier in the week.  I had to stop my weight loss for about 12 weeks because my husband weirded out on me and kept thinking I was going to leave him now that I got all skinny.  I stopped, gave him time to adjust and now I am back on the losing track (albeit a bit slower).

The doctor said they actually had a conference about dealing with insecure spouses and helping the patient deal with the spouse and how to reassure them without compromising their weight loss goals. 

Many a marriage has not withstood the weight loss journey.  Most were not healthy to begin with and crumbled under the strain. 

Mine, I am happy to say is excellent.  The bald man, with enough gentle MoMo reassurance, is firm in his belief that I am his partner for life and the two of us lead the MoJo Team in all our adventures.

MoMo

"The bald man"!!  I resemble that statement!!  We in the know prefer the term follically challenged, please...

Haven't read the article...but can fully understand how emotions and security get all wrapped up in this journey.  I'm dying to shove my weight loss in my ex's face...but I'm too lady-like to actually do it.  I'll just help him pick his chin up when he does finally see me LOL

Lon, on the other hand, has been my biggest champion thru this whole journey.  Of course, I 'check in' with him every few weeks and make sure he knows I love him and would never dream of causing a break; you would be amazed what comments he has had to endure from so called male friends...all alluding to him not being 'good enough' for me now.  Just burns my buns when I hear it!

We need to remember that this journey doesn't just affect US...our spouses or SO's also have changes to accept...and some of them they hadn't considered before our WLS.  A little TLC on our parts can make a big difference in how our relationships survive and thrive!
Nancy aka Sunray

Well, my world has opened up since I lost my weight and I'm not going to sit at home just because my husband gets more and more anti-social as he gets older. Luckily, he doesn't expect me to.

I don't have a spouse, but I would love to see the article.

My family (it was mostly my sister) has been so funky and weird about my weight-loss.  I'm now the smallest member of my family...well, if you don't count my nephew's newborns, I'm the smallest adult now.

No one ever mentions my transformation or compliments me openly. My nephew's wife (leave it to the outsider) made a big deal when she saw me last Christmas and went on about how great I looked. No one really said much else.

When I mention my running I don't get much attention or congratulations...thank God for OH, at least you all cheer for me!!! My family has never seen me cross a finish line nor have they responded when I've invited them.  My nephew's wife wants to run a race with me though. (Darn those in-laws....rocking the boat! LOL!)

Yet it's funny, because now my sister thinks I should be super-woman doing everything and never getting tired "because you're not as fat anymore"

Sometimes you can't win.

 

 

Funny you should say that but my sister is the same way.  No encouragement, no "great job" or anything like that.  I get the - You're not looking healthy, you're going to die becaue your'e not healthy etc.  KMA!!!  Now that I hit a size SIX and the lowest she can squeeze into is an EIGHT I get glares.  Going shopping with my mother and her is intersting.  She keeps trying to hand me 10's and 12's and I'm reaching for the 6's or the 5/6 sizes.

Thankfully I don't live with her.  My hubby is awsome and so supportive now that he's been propped up and fluffed and on sound footing.

And he loves the term Bald Barberian Bas*ard - his favorite nick name. 

Mo

Hey stranger.  Where have you been hiding out.  Long time no see.  Come to the high desert dinner sometime.  Mike and get up there every so often.

As to the article.  My doctor said to me before my surgery that if you have a strong marriage before surgery, you'll have a strong marriage after.  But if your marriage was in trouble before, the weight loss is not going to make it any better and the strain may tear it apart.  So, it's not sacrificing a marriage over weight loss.  It's fixing what was broken to begin with.  So many MO individuals are broken and make bad choices, not just of food, but in every aspect of their life. After WLS, the patient starts to make better choices (at least one would hope they do) and in so doing the choice of that mate may not be the best or healthy choice for the patient.  In order to be successful, the patient MUST make the lifestyle changes that will best help them to be successful. And lifestyle changes do not just mean food choices.

So again, I can understand your feelings of anger, but as they say, until you walk a mile in someone elses shoes, you can't know what they feel like. And then again, some people after WLS just go crazy.

Steph

I read it this morning and it is sad that a lot of people go crazy and think they can just step out.  Though some people stop eating their troubles away and realize that they are in a relationship that just doesn't work.  One of our friends loves to tease my husband that I am going to exchange him for two 17 year olds!  That just grosses me out!  I have a great husband and he is very secure in our relationship but I do remind him I only have eyes for him.  Our marriage is better than it has ever been.  I am truly blessed!