Help, I am way off track again. HELP, HELP, HELP

First, let me wish everyone a healthy, safe and happy Thanksgiving. Make good choices. Here I go.... I want to apologize before I start rambling, but I need help. It all started this summer when I was home on vacation. I had RNY in March of 03. I lost about 115 but since the summer, I have gained 15-20 lb. and am very very very depressed. I know what I am doing wrong. Bac to eating vcrackers and breads. I started to eat again because of being bored, worried about my 28 year old son who has a tumor on his lung and can't be operated till February and they are expecting their first baby. Every little thing bothers me. I worry about everything and everyone. My job that I have had for 28 years has changed. I am being moved around from dept. to dept in my school and I feel like a realy failure. I joined the gym 4 weeks ago and gained another 2 lbs. but lost 4 1/2 inchs. (muscle weight, so they say). I am hungry all the time. My thyroid is o.k. I really think I streached my pouch. Every morning I get up and start the day right but by night time, I am a goner. Here is what I ate so far today. I am ashamed to tell, but I really need help. 6 a.m. Protein Shake 9 a.m. Coffee and a Protein Shake Lunch 1:00 Large home made Salad with 3 oz. cheese and 2 oz. chicken dinner 5:00 Hamburger with the bun ( yes - I said BUN) w/ lettuce and tomatoe, mustard 7:30 3 graham crackers Water, Ice tea all day long It is now 8:30 p.m. and I am thinking what I want to eat. I won't though, because I am trying. What is wrong with me. I am so devistated with the gain. I want to go back to my surgeon but I am scared. I really can't explain to you how bad I feel. I am afraid that I am a big failure and can't go back. I don't know if I did some kind of bad damage that can't be fixed. HELP

Hi My name is Kathy K. Can you see counselor because it sounds like emotion eating to me because of all stress you have now. Can you go to support group to talk other post op people to support you in your area or call them to talk about why you are eating this kind of foods when you are stress. It is not too late and you can start from today and will go back on right track by using tools. I am so proud of you to type on Ct Message Board. We are here to support and help you because we do care about you. Hang in there and keep come back! Hugs Kathy K

Laura, Please don't feel ashamed. You are human and it is very normal to fall back on old habits when things get too stressfull. And it sounds like you have a lot of things on your plate right now! But there is one thing you did differently, you came here before all the weight came back. 15 to 20 pounds is not so bad and you have all the tools you need to get back on track. I like all the suggestions Kathy K made and I agree that getting some support would probably help a lot right now. I noticed in your menu for today that you had a protein shake for breakfast and wonder if you ate something more solid that it would stay in your pouch longer to make you feel full for a longer period of time. Also at dinner time, maybe instead of the bun you could have your burger in a pita bread or lite toasted bread. I usually save a protein bar for my night time snack. Makes me feel like I am having a treat without the empty calories. It has a little more substance than the graham crackers and maybe would take that hunger pang away. Today, I ate a salad, but felt like I wanted something else with it, like the big hunk of bread I used to eat with my salad. Instead, I had a bag of soy chips on hand and ate those with the salad and it was really good and practically no carbs with 12 more grams of protein. It gave me the texture I was looking for. Laura, I suggest these things, but am only 8 1/2 weeks out and haven't experienced the challenges you are facing after the main weight loss, but I am sure it is very difficult to rein in those old behaviours. When you want to be bad, it doesn't matter how many better alternatives and choices are out there, right? I do remember at one of the support group meetings when the psychologist was speaking, she said that you will always have this tool. Your pouch will never stretch out as big as your old stomach and you can start using the tool and following the rules of the pouch at any time and get back on track. Come to a post op support group meeting the 1st Tuesday of the month at Middlesex Hospital. A lot of these issues are discussed at these meetings and you may find it to be very helpful. In the meantime, know that we are here to support you in anyway and please don't feel like you are a failure, you have proven how committed you are to your health by having the surgery and the huge success you acheived from it. So you fell off track -- it happens to the best of us....just know that you can get back on track. YOU CAN DO IT Laura! Praying for your son and family and that things get better for you soon, terri

Hi Laura, Believe me you are not alone with your struggles. I'm going to e-mail you directly, Lots of hugs, Mary Lou

Hi Laura, I'm only one week out, but what you describe is my biggest fear. I've decided, (maybe easy to do at this point because I'm new and excited about the prospects), is to keep my head in the right place with this surgery and with all food choices. Let me tell you, I was home for one day and walked by the pantry and wanted a handful of mixed nuts, my favorite pre-op snack. All of us have issues, some more than most. I would put myself in the much more category, my job is beyond stressful and I've had 6 major surgeries. But I'm determined to make the right decisions on what I put in my mouth. I did not endure this to make bad food decisions. My best to you, hang in there, this board is a wonderful support with educated ladies who can help advise you along the way. Before you reach for the bun, you must get your behavior in line with all you've been through.

Hi Laura, Happt Thanksgiving to you too! This time of year is notorious for adding stress to already stressful lives!! But you need to be proud of yourself...you realize you're falling into dangerous territory, and looking for help to get out of it. A gain is a gain is a gain, and while they're depressing and discouraging, you have made the first step towards getting back on track. Everyone made great suggestions and I hope you follow them, but also in the meanwhile, start keeping a food log of everything you eat. FitDay.com is a great tool, or if thats too much, even post-it notes help. I hate keeping a journal, but if I can keep slips of paper and a pen nearby where I eat, or find food, then I have no excuse not to. A trip to a nutritionist, a therapist, and support groups are the way to get back on track. And visit here often...where else can you find such a bunch of caring people??? -Deb

HI there! First of all, you hang in there. We can't control the stress in our lives and when it comes, but we can try and control how we handle it. That's a lesson I'll be trying to learn for a LONG time. ;) I've heard our doctor say if we have a weight gain, to go back to Stage One of the bypass diet, then progress ourselves up. It makes sense, don't know how hard that would be, but it seems like pretty sound advice. Good luck - and always, ALWAYS use this site to vent! Love, Tammy

First off- you're not a failure. You're having some issues, and you're here to deal with them. It IS a good idea to go back and see your surgeon. He WILL have ideas to help. It is extremely unlikely that you have hurt or damaged your pouch. It sounds like most of your eating is emotionally related. Please consider going to see someone and talking about your emotions and your eating. The surery is only a tool. We can easily eat 'around' it. The glaring problem that I see with your menu above is that you're not eating solid protein to start your day. Ditch the protein shakes, you just don't need them. You can eat enough solid protein at this point that you don't need to supplement your protein. Solid protein right off the bat will fill you up and make you feel full longer. Give that a shot to start with. Getting on a regular exercise regimine will help a lot too. Perhaps you could concentrate more on cardio than on weights to begin with. The cardio will burn more calories for you. I'm not horrified at all by what you ate. It REALLY wasn't THAT bad- it's just that you have not made the best choices for someone who is trying to loose weight. You know what they were- ditch the bun, skip the crackers. Coffee can be an appetite stimulant, and you may not even know it. Try some herbal tea instead or at least make sure you're drinking decafe coffee. I'm not sure about your intake quantity- but if you eat the protein first, you should be ok. Think SOLID protein first, then veggies, forget the carbs. water water water and EXERCISE. That's the basics and that's what will bring you back to weight loss. Please DO go see your Dr. there is no reason to be afraid. He can help, I'm sure. We're here for you too. Best regards, Lisa C

Laura, Like Lisa said, what you are eating doesn't seem all that bad and you do know your mistakes. Go see your Dr, you are not the only one who has fallen off track. He know this surgery does not fix our emotional eating, it is a tool to help us. Your Dr can help!! Everyone here has offerd such great advise, and you obviously want things to change, so I know they will. Go to support groups, call the nutritionist, therapist or your surgeon! Good Luck, Carmen

Laura, Looks like you already got lots of great advice. Don't really think there is anything that I could add to it but just wanted to let you know that we are here for you to support you. I know how difficult it is to get back on track but you can do it! Eileen