Help! I really need support!

Hi everyone, some of you may know me. My name is Kristen. I am a pre- op gastric bypass patient of Dr. Aranow. I still have 1 dietician appt.and insurance approval. My family and friends aren't really giving me their blessing about the surgery. They say that I am going to eat alot and be sick all the time and don't understand how someone's old habits do not come back. I have explained it numerous times. Supplied them with information, etc. They also tell me that while some issues go away, (after surgery), I am opening doors to new ones. "You'll be in and out of the hospital with complications, you'll throw up all the time." I know I am 30 years old and my decisions are my own, but I feel that I can use some more support. I need more positivity in my life. I know my depression is not going to vanish into thin air, but I becha I'll want to socialize more, and have a higher self-esteem. Oh, yeah family and friends, my sleep apnea, chronic aches and pains, high cholesterol high BP, lack of motivation, low energy..(the list continues) MIGHT GO AWAY TOO!!!!!!!!!!! No one will ever know unless they have been HERE with us. I may not get the acceptance that I want from certain people but I know I will get that and a whole lot more from all of you. Thank you.

Hi Kristen, Some folks just cannot understand al the issues that come into play being overweight. For some it's as easy as just eating less and excersizing and God Bless them for that. Others need help and thats where consuling and medical intervention come into play. It's very important to have the right mind set when making the decision to have the surgery.Just having it done is not the answer. You have to to be mentally ready to take on this "Journey". First thing is that you talk with your doctor's psycologist about your emotional issues. Many of us used food as an escape from problems and demons like that need to be adressed. Remember, we are just fat. Not axe murderes! If someone want's to treat you poorly just because of your weight, it's them with the problem , not you! So Take your time to get ready for your surgery and know when the time comes, there are lots of folks on this board here to help you thru it.Take Care and good luck! Julio

Kristen, Having this surgery is a huge step, and, in my humble opinion, people who do not understand just how debilitating obesity is from personal experience, cannot be counted on for "understanding"... Yes, your family is right, all your issues will not go away overnight, and some new problems might arise, but your overall quality of living, health, and mental wellbeing WILL improve... Hang in there..... Love, Dorota

Hi Skinny! Hope everything is going well for you. See you at group.... someday. Peter

Hi Peter..... Hope to make the meeting this Monday....It's been so busy...But the support is so important...It was such a pleasure to meet your wife at the party..She is so sweet and lovely...And you are so good for my self-esteem...LOL...Skinny ?? Not yet, but working my way up (down?) to it...Met with Dr. Aranow last Wednesday and he is very happy with my progress...I do need to start taking iron supplements as my iron count is low...Other than that everything is going well....I look forward to seeing everyone at group soon... Love, Dorota

Monday is the pre-op meeting. Tuesday is the post-op meeting this week. Peter

Tuesday it is then......Will try...Are you going to be there?

It is a more difficult process when you do not get the support from your family members. My wife, Joanne was one of those who did not from her family, and although we feel this was the right thing to do, others would to this day (over 4 yers) still question. Bottom line is that you need 2 things. 1) You must be ready to make the lifestyle change. That starts now, not the day of surgery.Walk, eat a little less, better choices. Consider it practice, along with losing the weight you will need to lose. 2) Find your support. If not from family members, find a circle which you can run to as the days progress, find comfort when necessary, and rejoyce as each little goal is reached. Your family will come onboard as time goes on. When.... who knows. But they will. Now, will your family ever accept what you do? Not certain they will. Everything will be under a microscope. From "You are not eating enough" to "Why are you eating so much". Be prepared to ride the good out with the bad, and remember..... You can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family One last thing.... get help for the depression NOW. The weight loss will help, but all the things that are depressing you can be more forceful when you no longer can eat to subdue them. See us anytime at group on Mondays. Peter

HI KRISTEN S, I WENT THROUGH A SIMILAR SITUATION WHEN I ANNOUNCED THAT I WAS GOING TO GET A GASTRIC BYPASS. FIRST THEY SORT OF LAUGHT IT OFF. (MY KIDS AND HUSBAND) MY MOTHER AND ONE OF MY FRIENDS JUST CRIED FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE THEY SAID I WAS GOING TO DIE. THE ONLY SUPPORT I HAD WAS FROM ONE FRIEND THAT HAD HAD IT DONE, AND THIS BOARD. HER JOURNEY IS WHAT ENCOURAGED ME TO DO IT. MY OTHER FRIEND (THE ONE THAT CRIED FOR DAYS) FINALLY CAME AROUND AND BECAME MY SUPPORT PERSON. MY HUSBAND AND KIDS FINALLY ACCEPTED THE SITUATION. BUT THEY WERE NOT AS SUPPORTIVE AS I NEEDED THEM TO BE. THEY WERE LIKE "YOU DON'T NEED THIS. YOU ARE NOT THAT FAT." BUT I WAS THAT FAT! I HAD A BMI OF 40+ AND COMORBIDITIES. I WANTED TO BE AROUND TO SEE MY THREE YOUNG SONS (I HAVE EIGHT ALTOGETHER) GO TO COLLEGE. IT HAS BEEN ALMOST SEVEN MONTHS SINCE MY SURGERY. THEY STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND. NOW THEY SAY "OH YOU HAVE TO START TO EAT SO YOU WILL STOP LOSING." I TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT I CAN'T JUST OPEN MY MOUTH AND EAT." THAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS. ANYWAY THE POINT OF ALL THIS IS THAT MY FAMILY DID NOT COME AROUND TO BE FULLY SUPPORTIVE BECAUSE "THEY" HAVE THE ISSUES! ISSUES WITH HOW THEY VIEW FAT. SO I CANNOT MAKE THEM FACE THEIR ISSUES. I CAN ONLY DEAL WITH MINE. I CAN ONLY CHANGE MINE. HOPEFULLY THEY WILL COME AROUND. YOU HAVE TO BE TRUE TO YOU . IF THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, MAKE YOURSELF STRONG AND GET YOUR SUPPORT FROM WHERE YOU CAN. DON'T LET THEIR VIEWS AND OPINIONS ON BEING FAT CAST A CLOUD ON YOUR JOURNEY. GIVE THEM THE INFORMATION IF THEY WANT IT AND THEN LET THEM DEAL WITH IT. IT WILL NOT BE EASY. THIS WHOLE PROCESS IS NOT EASY. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND HOPE TO SEE YOU ON THE LOSING SIDE. MY JOURNEY HAS NOT BEEN AN EASY ONE, BUT EVERY SINGLE LITTLE WRINKLY INCH I HAVE LOST HAS BEEN WORTH IT. BLESSINGS, SPLENDALICIOUS

Dear Kristen, I've started my journey and Dr. Aranow is my choice for surgeon too. While my husband, boys, one sister, inlaws and best friend all support me, I have not yet told my parents or other sister. In the past my mother hasn't been supportive or accepting of me. The other sister appears vain and in a way insecure. I don't feel the need to subject myself to their probable reaction. But I think alot of when to tell them, even if to tell them. The process for me to come to this decision of WLS has been a long one and I just don't need the crap. I am so anxious to start a healthier life - less medications, better lab numbers, more energy, etc. But I am also aware of the complications and I am aware that the depression I suffer from won't go away and my reaction to stress cannot continue as it has. It's going to take alot of work on my part and I need to have support in place - like a counselor and a surgeon that has a follow up program. And I have to use the follow up program, attend local support groups, and follow Doctor's orders. I have also found support, acceptance, and information here! It sounds like we are in a similar place. I am so very hopeful of a healthier future and a future with less fear and shame. I wish the same and more for you, Kristen! With love, Lisa