Have I really lost who I am?

Hi to you:
I had a similar experience about 10 years ago after losing a lot of weight.  What I realized (eventually) was that I felt I had missed out on some of life's pleasures and relationships as a young adult, and was trying to go backward to have those experiences.  I had a series of hard life experiences throughout young adulthood.  Then finally I had this need for change that I didn't know how to direct, and a hunger that would not quit for hedonistic experiences (most of which I did not indulge in).  It was like a new personality, and sometimes I felt like everything else needed to get out of the way because it wasn't going to stop. 

My experience may be dissimilar from yours so if this doesn't help, just ignore this.

In my case I was also depressed, and it took me a while to realize and come out of denial that I was having marriage problems.  An element of this is that I am a conflict avoider, so the idea of running away or toward a new life is understandable to me.

What seemed to help was making sure I had enough enjoyment in life, antidepressants, and doing something about things that were bothering me.  I also took a lot of very long walks away from home and thought a lot.  My psychologist at the time said it was important that I find ways to enjoy my life more.  He also suggested that there are really some life stages that if skipped tend to keep coming up again for reliving, and to some extent I had skipped the young adult experimental freedom stage.  Really there is no going back in time. 

I am not proud of some of the things that I did in this stage, but I did end up making some major personal changes including a divorce.  I almost see myself as a different person now.  However, I would add that getting professional help, trying more to take care of myself, and letting myself change in unexpected directions was part of the picture over the following years.

Best wishes to you, I hope you find your way!

Joy,

Thanks for your support!


Julie

You know I still wander around sometimes wondering where I went if that makes any sense. I have often said that I do mourn my old self because I knew her for so long.

I am one of the fortunate ones who has stayed in a wonderful marriage to a man who married me bigger than life...and loves me even more now. We have a solid relationship and I thank God for that because that is what has kept my sanity.

He also knows that even before I had WLS, I was not a person to be controlled or suffocated. I have always had my freedom so to speak...he knows that I will get reeled out, but come right back in.

I think that feeling of wanting to run away so to speak is because you want to find out who you are and it is nautral I feel to want to experience what you have not due to weight. But you have to ask yourself....is the grass greener on the other side? Is your or was your relationship solid going into WLS? Have you talked with him about this? Trust me at my age, I cannot imagine dating being fun! LOL

I don't know....I am not a lot of help, but before you do anything, I would seek out some counseling to help you examine your feelings before you do something that you might regret and something that could not be repaired if you know what I mean!

Your honesty here shows you have a lot going on and smart enough to realize that no you are never going to find "her" again because you do not know who "her" is yet.

Dear Janine,

I just want to thank you for all your kind words & tons of support. I think you were right about me wanting to find out who I really am. I am 33 years old have had been overweight most of my life and I know so far I have not lived life to the fullest so far. I guess I just want to start over and make up for all the lost time. I need to work on me. I do need to find out who "I" really am. I was always the girl that hid behind my weight. When I was overweight and someone didn't like me, I blamed it on my weight. Now that I am thinner I don't have the excuse of being overweight anymore. But as far as my boyfriend is concerned, I do understand that the problem is not our relationship, its the "new" me in our relationship. I am still learning to love & live life to the fullest.

Julie