Negative People

 I just got done eating dinner with my family.  Of course they all started in on me.  My mother said "I hope you are honest" at my psych evaluation on Friday.  Really, does she think I'll try to lie?  They are all convinced that I am not ready for the surgery because I have gained more weight recently.  I know I am a mess- but why are they constantly riding me?  It's like they think I don't wan't to lose weight.  In a couple of weeks I have to go on a pre-op diet anyway.  It just hurts my feelings- they say things like "you're breathing really hard again."  I can see them give me those dirty looks of disgust.  I actually try to breath quieter around them.  Why do they think I am going to fail?  Maybe they know something I don't.  they make me feel so stressed out.  It makes me not want to tell them anything.  All they do is criticize... and they are supposed to be my support?

Well, I know for me, when ppl around me were being negative @ even the thought and mention of me having the surgery, they thought it was  me being a failure. Like, why couldnt you lose the weight on your own...? Do you think I would be going this route if I could lose and keep the weight off on my own??? DUH PEOPLE!!! LOL My suggestion is dont let the nay-sayers influence your descion... you are doin this for yourself so you can be a healthier you.  Let them talk, just prove them wrong in thier ideals.......

Good luck on Friday with the psych thing and with the rest of your journey!!

Hello,

I am very sorry you family are riding you so much!!!  Maybe they’re just jealous of you.  I believe that sometimes people just can't see it...but if my family was that way I would be determined to show them they are wrong.  Don't worry they don't know anything you don't know...Don't get stressed out and keep a positive attitude and you can do it.  PM me anytime...if you need to talk to someone!!!

Best of luck!!!!

Michele





 

    

Hi, Please don't think me rude or mean...I try never to be any of those things, but ...Do you think maybe, just maybe, they (your family) are concerned with your health and well being?
I am wishing you all the best of luck and please, just take a deep breath and try to relax. This will make your journey so very much easier!If nothing else hang in there an know the OH family are here for you!!!



HUGS
JOY

Isn't it terrible that the ones who should be supporting you the most, are the ones that are so negative and unsupportive.  My mom is alot like that, in fact today she said, "Boy this 'diet' youre one is expensive!" I said not really mom, I hardly eat anything and one of these yogurts, lasts me for a whole week. and the protein at least 1 and1/2 weeks.  She hates it that I don't want to cook and bake with her anymore.  Just always negative. 
You just hang in there and remember, the Cali boards are a great bunch of people who are like family.  They listen, give helpful advice and are positive roll models.  I just had my RNY last month and they have been great. 
Best of luck to you on your surgery and any questions just holler.  Keep in touch and remember,
You're worth it and you will be successful.  Dont listen to those negative people, even if they are family.                       Love.     Donna

Wow . . . you have a rough ride ahead with the peanut gallery in your corner.  There is no easy way around this . . . I would personally distance myself from them for awhile if I could .  . but that isn't always possible I know . . . then there is the lock myself in my room .  . . go on MORE walks . . . know that you are doing this for YOU . . . for your HEALTH and for your LIFE . . . and you have to put on blinders and have thick skin.  Some people don't know how to deal with change .. . are afraid of it .. . are afraid relationships will change . . . the list is endless.  I should have read your profile before I started typing but I'll give you some thoughts:

I was 305 at consultation.  I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol . . . could hardly sit or stand without the use of a cane  . . . and had to walk with a cane most the time.

13 months later I'm down 80 lbs (lapband) . . . (and guys loose quicker than gals on either type of surgery) .  . . I've been taken off meds for all those things I had before . . . only to have to go onto a new med for the osteroarthritis in both my hips . . . brought on by years of extra weight.

I just wish I could have done this years ago . . . I have energy, I enjoy going places . . . I fit in a movie theater or air plane seat and don't need extenders . . . I can walk and keep up with everyone (expect when said hip is being a PITA)  . . I LOVE what this has done for me and I know I would do it again without batting an eye . . .

THIS IS FOR YOU!  You take the wheel and set your mind you can do it - no matter what anyone else says or thinks. .. sorry for rambling . . . but dang it . . . you OWE it to yourself!

Welcome to the beginning of you journey . . . and know that there are ALWAYS people here on this board willing to listen, comment or advise - we are one big happy family and don't judge.  You will get straight talk - straight comments and encouragement!

Best of luck to you!
Chris

There is no one who knows you better than you.   You have done the research, you are getting prepared, you will be the one who will go through the sugery and live a healthier life after. 

In the beginning, my husband was not in favor of WLS, this was mainly due to the fact that he didn't have enough information.  He then came with me to all my Dr appointments and he comes to support group with me most of the time.  His eyes opened and he's my biggest supporter!

Do you think they are scared because they don't know enough about the surgery and instead of being honest and saying so, they are acting out that way?

I realize that we must be respectful to our family members but there is nothing wrong with saying, "This is my life and my decision, I am sorry if you don't agree with it."

I wish you all the best on your journey and please know that the folks on the Cali board are like family and you will get positive support from us.

Barb

First off, hang in there - many of us know how tough the pre-op period can be with our families.  Try to remind yourself that their feelings and opinions are theirs - they don't have any magic power to see whether you are going to be a successful WLS patient.  Yes, they know you - but they don't know what it is like to be you, and live in your body.

To be fair, they are probably scared and concerned about you pursuing the surgery - even if they think the surgery is a good idea for you.  If they are anti-WLS, then their fears are probably even worse. 

So breathe as loud as you damn well need to - and do what is right for you.  Thing is, you know that doing what is right for you is not getting stuck in 'last meal' land either (if that is what you think might be happening).  Take a moment and think about what you can do to make yourself ready (physically and emotionally) for WLS.  Then treat yourself, by starting to do those things.

I wish you all the best and hope you have a great week,

Cathy C.

My mother who I know loves me felt it necessary to point out how big my butt was or when I ate something made comments and I don't think she thought what she was saying was hurtful, but I indeed let her know. I didn't tell all my friends what I was doing, but of course there is always one who ad negative comments to make. In the end it didn't matter what they said because I knew what I decided to do was for me not for anyone else. This is my life, my health, and definitely my decision. Even now, 4 months out, I believe I have unsupportive people around me, constantly offering me cookies, cakes, etc. And I get really upset about those close to me who know that I've had surgery to offer me items that I have clearly stated that I do not eat. Just hang in there because for every negative comment from a loved one, comes 10 positive statements from others. Just be comfortable with your decision and work the program and you will be great. Good luck on your surgery - you have chosen a great surgeon.

I think your mom is concerned about you. I think all she meant was you have to be honest to yourself about your relationship with food. For me I have a love hate relationship. I know your family cares about you and they are just concerned about your health. Before I had my Rny, my dad was worried that I was making a huge mistake. Why, you ask? Because he did not have all the knowledge and information about the surgery. He was not fully informed about the procedure and how it was going to change my life for the good. Now that I have lost 143lbs, he is sooo happy for me and your family will be too. Just give them time and remember that they love you and want the best for you.

Best of Luck!!

Jules