This is out of WLS subject Please Read

I am so mad right now that I can almost cry. Lately when I talk about getting the WLS to my husband he gets upset. And he starts saying how people change after loosing the weight. Yeah let me tell you the a**hole is 5'6 and weights 150 so he does not know the meaning of being overweight. Well today he just crossed the fu*ken line he came up to my computer and took it off. And said he would rather leave me now then wait for my outcome if I even get the surgery. I dont know what to do but I said fine leave now I dont know what to do please any advise is greatly appreciated.

 Hello and Namaste --- Some people fear change and perhaps he fears you will leave 
him if you lose the weight...  There could be many reasons he is having this reaction 
but understand he is acting from his conditioning and fears  maybe it's better not to talk 
with him about this and simply keep council with those who understand and are walking 
this journey.  Love & Light gk

Let me start by saying that just sucks!  I don't want to say anything mean about your husband, but he sounds like he's being a real ***** right now.  It sounds to me like there is something else going on with him.  Why on earth would he not want you to do something that will make you healthy and increase your life expectancy.  Doesn't he want a wife to grow old with.  Either way, you have a weight problem that needs to be dealt with, you either lose weight through diet and exercise alone or you have the aid of WLS as a tool to help you along your journey.  Either way, you being on this site shows that you are determined to make a change in your life and if he's not going to support you 100% then he's not the right man for you. 

I'm sure he's just insecure, he's afraid that you are going to lose weight and start getting more attention from other men and then you'll leave him.  If he's willing to, then you should try to get some counseling as a couple to work through what's at the root of his issues.  If he's not willing to get counseling, well, I don't think it's okay for him to basically threaten you with him leaving when all your trying to do is get healthy so you should just let him go.  

Good luck with everything, I hope things work out.  

You need to communicate with him and reassure him that the WLS is for you and is not a reflection on him.  Include him in the process, make him your advocate, let him know how it will improve your life together.

Think about couples counseling. 

When you go to bariatric support groups, bring him along so that he can meet the spouses of other WLS patients and see that are couples who manage to stay together and stronger after a spouse has WLS.

Lisa

That sucks.  He is just scared that you are going to leave him when you thin.... he just needs you to reassure him that your feelings for him will not change as your body changes. 

Well I dont know what to do. I had already told him that I wanted to go to the LB coffe.I really want to meet everyone that goes. He had said it was okay that he would stay home with the kids. And I just heard him talking to the brother about going somewhere and his picking him up at 800 in the morning so I guess I wont be able to go.

I think you should still come to the LB Coffee and bring the kids....there are lots of gals that bring their kids......you need to meet all of u s and if he doesn't want to support you then go out and get the support you need from us....Ihope I get to see/meet you tomorrow

 Screw that, that is just another way of him controlling you,, take the kids with you,, go anyway!

I hate hearing this crap,, he is just afraid you are going to turn into a full blown hottie and take off,, he is insecure,, and you WILL turn into a hottie and  men ARE going to look at you but so the hell what?

I have heard stories like this,, and when I was talking about getting my surgery my husband was like,, go ahead and do what you want to do for yourself, its your decision and if he had any thoughts of me losing weight and leaving, he has never said so.

Life is short, I wish I would have had the surgery a lot sooner. And I can testify that being slimmer is a way healthier way better way to live.

PM me anytime,, Im pms'ing,, so hope my email dont sound mean! 

Marie

This is going to sound bad.  If a relationship is bad before the surgery let me tell you surgery will definitely not improve it.  I have seen many marriages that were bad fall apart.  The one thing that you need to remember is after surgery when you start to physically change you will also change some.  Many people say well I didn't change everyone else seems to change.  Actually we change.  Many people change and it for the better for them.  They change as their self esteem improves.  They start feeling better about themselves and it appears that the person has changed.  The change is a change for the better for most.  So realize that they many times are afraid that you will change and you will not want them any more.
I wish you the best.  As when you have surgery you have to have it for you.  It is about your health.
Liz

Sounds like fear to me, he may be feeling that he may lose you to surgery or change afterward, and yes, like Liz stated, you will change....

I suggest you take him to some support group meetings where the partners are welcome, I know my groups they are welcome to learn and listen to what goes on pre and post op...get him around some others that have gone thru this so he can learn also. It is a family things, WLS affects the whole family.

I am recently divorced after 11 years of marriage. We didn't have any problems, so I thought, we never argued or fought about anything....his reasoning was he felt left out of my life now as I surrounded myself with helping WLS people....and yes, if the relationship is rocky now, it will and can get worse before it gets better,,

But remember, he probably loves you and has all these fears.....