I need some advice....I am between a rock and a hard spot!!!

Desr Michele,

How about this, tell her to make a time to meet the guy and you will see if he is legit, then you can talk to him and see if he a honest person or what, 500 is a lot of money to put down without a paper saying what it for and what you will get back.. Also let her stew for awhile, they know that are biggest fear is that our grandchildren will be homeless and hungry.

Kathy

Michele,
I sure do feel your pain. Right now, I feel like the OLD LADY of the room. My daughter is now 34 yrs old, but I went thru all this crap w/ her, and I was a single parent. I tried to trust her, many, many, many times and finally, after paying for a used but nice car,books and tuition and food and apparently FUN at college, they sent me a letter and said "Please DO NOT send her back here"... So, she moved back home and got a "part-time" job.. Part-time and she was available full-time.. well I let that slide too, until I found out she was NOT showing up for work. I finally had to do the "TOUGH LOVE" thing and told her she had to do what she had threatened for yrs... Move to her dads house, 1200 miles away, for 3 months and decide what she needed to do with herself. (She dangled that carrot, "Well then I am going to live with my dad" too many times. Just like your daughter dangles your granddaughter in front of you as a pawn). 6 months later she called and was coming back but going to live on her own and work and make it on her own. Now that being said, as long as she worked hard and proved herself, I always help her as best I can. She is now my best friend, after many yrs of hating her. Yup, I can admit that now, and she does too. Make her stand up and be the adult she wants to be, especially when she is a parent!

It is soooooo hard, but she will someday thank you!

I wish you peace in your life and in your heart!

Hugzzzzzz, 

Sweeny

Michele,

Oh how I understand what you are going through!  I have come to understand that tough love is the only way to go.  But each situation and each child is different.  Don't ever allow your daughter to use your grandson as a pawn, the first time they get away with it will not be the last I guarantee you.  If you have the money to spare then I would do what maureen suggests and you check it out first.  I would never hand her the money or anyone without a rental agreement.  I would also steer clear of ever co-signing for her or anyone, I guess I watch too much Judge Judy.  I wish you the best and I know you will make the right decision for your situation.  You will be in my prayers.

Rhonda

I agree with everyone else .. don't just give her the money.  The way I see it, because you have extended your unconditional help in the past and things have turned out to be a mess ... then, if she needs your help this time .. then it will be done in a way that your are comfortable with. 

Also, there are lots of ways to trust someone.  You might trust someone with $10.00 but, not with $100.00.  You might trust someone to watch your place in line but, not your children.  So, because in the past your daughters decisions have cost you ... then NO !!!  I don't trust your past decisions with money borrowed from me. 

The question to your daughter is? "Doesn't she trust you?"  I see enough to come to you for money.

As Dr. Phil once said .. " How'z that working out for you?"  And apparently in the past, her way didn't work.

Michelle, I say stick to your guns. Everyone here has told you somewhat the same thing and I agree with them.

Hugs
JOY

Michele,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this.  I will pray for you that she appreciates you for being the loving person you are, and the wonderful Grandma you are, not for being the BofA for her. 

I must agree with the others who have said, don't hand over the money unless you see the place and/or a rental agreement.  People (sadly including our kids) will tell us anything if they think they can manipulate us into giving them what they want or need at the time and certainly know how to make us feel guilty if we challenge them on it.  The tough love is very hard on the parent but it's best for the child if we ever want them to be able to stand on their own.

My love goes out to you. 
Hugs,
Barb

I'd like to weigh in.  Ditto on what everyone has said.  She has not been responsable before (or made wise choices), what make you think she will do them now.  I had to pull up Google Maps to see where these places are.  It seems like Pomona might be good for both of you.  She will be closer.  She may be able to use you to watch her child while she goes to school (trade school or other school) or look for work.  After she gets settled she should be at EDD, if she is not working now.
Two other things...she needs to learn how to budget.  You do not need MTV to live.  Also watch the phone or cell plans.  I have my daughters on a prepaid plan.  It can be as cheap as about 10 bucks a month if you do it right.  You and her can hit the yardsales for clothing and kitchen items.  One other thought...I know no one has said this, but I want to bring this up...could she be on drugs?  Just from the people she has been hanging with...  Also talk with your husband...don't clam up or have him clam up (you and him talk it out).  Show a united front and the both of you need to come to an agreement on how best to work with your girl.  Praying for your best.  Brian

Thanks again everyone....Brian, I think you have hit the nail on the head......As much as I don't want to believe it...I think she may be on drugs...I went by her place tonight and we really got into it...Well she was yelling at me...big time...because I would not give her any money.  I found out that the money she needed is to stay at some ones uncle's house that she just met.  I told her I am not going to give her any money and have her put my granddaughter in harms way.  She then blew up and threw diapers and said "you can take my FU@# baby".  I  told her fine but then she would need to be complety out of our lives.  Then I stook to my grounds and told her she is on her own.  So before I left she took the baby and I left....I don't know how much sleep I'll get tonight, but I feel so much better not giving her any money.

After reading everyones advice...I am just going to leave it up to the Lord to get me through this and help me with tough love...

Hugs to all!!!!!!!

Michele

I love you so much Michele and it breaks my heart that you have to go through all this!

I agree with everyone and say DO NOT give her any more money for anything.

Charlene needs to be with you guys in a stable home. I think you should do all you can to get her.

Let me know if I can do anything for you, I'll be right there.

Oh and I forgot to tell you the soup was wonderful! Thanks so much.

Hey hun, I agree, I would NOT just give her the money..  Even though she is a "good girl" doesn't mean others won't take advantage of that, or maybe there is something she is hiding.

Sometimes you can only do so much and the rest is up to her.. If she really needs the help, she will abide by your terms, and if she doesn't stand your ground or you can end up being a doormat for her to walk on later.. I know it is hard, and you want to do what ever you can for your kids, but her not wanting you to come and check things out is very suspicious.  Just be careful..

I pray this all works out for you hun, and if you ever need to talk/vent I am here for ya..

Hugs,
Jenn