What happened to the Good Ol Days in So Cal?

Ahhh Kirsten, as one of those oldies I can sum it up for you quite simply.  Evil. 

Unfortunately, at least for me, there were too many people around who just had no good in their hearts and would take every opportunity they could to "sh*t" on someone else for no freaken good reason even stooping to telling lies about them.  I stopped going to "open invite" events because I could not be sure who would be there and I didn't want to have confrontations. To avoid those types of things, if I attended, I had to go, keep my mouth shut and pretend like these a-holes were ok people. I couldn't deal with being a hypocrite and I wasn't going to be thought of as a "sore loser, gossip type". So I backed away, as did alot of the other old timers.  The drama, the nastiness, the vile behavior of certain people was just more then some of us could deal with.  Additionally, some of the OK old timers who knew about the skanks, for whatever reason, remained close to those people in spite of the fact they knew what the skanks had done.  When that happens, how does one possibly know who to trust anymore.

So, yes, I miss the old days.  Even before your time, there were so many get togethers, it was hard to participate in everything. Everyone opened up their homes and there was probably a party every other weekend someplace.  But then rumor and inneundo and law suits made people afraid and then people started having things in their homes disappear.  They literally were being robbed.  You can't open your home up to people who will do this.  So more private parties were started and discretion was used for the invite list.

It's all sad and maybe someday the latest group of folks will get something started again.  Most of the old timers don't even lurk anymore.  Or they show up here once in a blue moon and do a quick read by and are gone.  Time changes things, but bad cir****tances and results change them quicker.

Steph

I know what you're talking about, I've seen some of it unfold over the years I've been here too.

Whenever you bring enough people together there will ALWAYS be conflict and people will get hurt. It's part of the risk you take whenever you choose to be a friend. In fact, it's almost better to expect to be disapointed in some way.....not because people are evil, but because they are also imperfect. Although I will aknowledge people will appear to show kindness when they are really hiding evil or selfish intentions.

I once posted here the quote that "Evil prevails when good men do nothing". I can admit that I was aware of some bad behavior and choose to keep quiet because I didn't want to get involved. No more! I'd rather risk sticking my neck out than to let people be bullied if I have a choice.

 Life is too short to hold back on living just to avoid bad people. Don't let evil stand in the way of loving others. Life is too harsh already.

:)

Couldn't have said it better myself!  I have run across evil here.....as well as other places in my life.  Bad people are everywhere!!!!!  And so are good people!!!!  One thing I WON'T do is stay away from those I want to be around because of those who bring evil or aren't nice.  If I had, I would've lost out on meeting someone very special to me.  ;-)

I can ignore bad behavior.  That is not my issue.  But things were done to me personally and to other's I know that cost us dearly.  Emotionally and financially.  For me, once it hit my pocketbook and once it brought into the picture members of my family who had nothing to do with my life here on OH, then it went too far.  I can't allow my choices, good or bad, to impact on those that I love and care about.  Without siting specifics, let's just say for me, it was enough is enough.

I am much more cautious now in who I pick and choose to befriend.  And I don't even call someone my friend until I have met them in person and spent considerable time with them getting to know them.  A couple of lunches or dinners or parties, does not a friend make.  Hard lessons for me to learn, but I've had no choice but to learn them.  Even after all this time, I'm still dealing with perceptions people may have of me based on lies told by others in the past.  I choose not to defend myself or my actions because by doing so, I stoop to their level.

Friendship is an earned right.  Until someone can call me a friend, then I shouldn't be calling them a friend.  Until then, we are acquaintences.

I'm happy for you that you feel you can look the other way and just ignore the evil.  I've just been hurt too much to completely be able to do that.  My guard is always up.  I hate living like that, but for now I have no choice.  Since I've ventured back into the OH pool, I've tread cautiously.  I imagine I will continue to do so.  Besides, you "crazy kids" are just to wild for my old feeble self. I couldn't keep up with you all anymore.  LOL  So I'll just sit back and watch the shenanigans and live vicariously through all your escapades. 

Steph

Steph,

I cannot say that I understand how you feel, because I have not had any problems concerning my family and any OH member clashing.  But I will say that you have to live your life and by staying away (IMHO) you give that person your power.

Kim

And that is why I'm not staying away from here Kim. I won't give them the power. I'm back here on OH.  I just pick and choose carefully where I want to go and who I want to spend my time with. And in so doing, I truly do believe, I am probably missing out on meeting alot of really great folks, but really great folks don't pay my bills.  Nor do really great folks explain to my son, why their mother may have acted in what some would call inappropriate behavior in days past.  Honestly nothing all that inappropriate, but some things you just don't want to share with your children.  And pictures from such occassions, taken without your knowledge and annonymously sent to your child after someone hacked into your email account, kind of makes one just stand back and reasses who they befriend.

Steph

Damn Steph...You said it too well.  Very true, many good hearted people have been hurt.

With all of it Gus, I still miss and love you and Anna.  You two are the cutest and sweetest couple next to Mikey and me that I know.  LOL 

xoxox  my buddy,
Steph

To be very honest, what has kept me away is the use of the word evil to describe people and actions of some of those on this board. I remember when this board used to be a positive, uplifting place where newbies received really good advice and everyone shared weight-loss stories and ideas. I loved being a part of that. But now, too many have turned on others and the talk of violence and evil leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth. I am actually a bit afraid to send newbies to this board, a board I was always proud to be a part of. I hope the board can get back to its old ways, but til it does, count me...and others like me...out.

nancy

Hmmmmm, interesting question.  For me, I used to love to drive down there to the get togethers, which, as far out as you are Kirsten, I am at least two hours drive further.  But I didn't mind at all, because it was sooo much fun.  I remember the cruise as such a fun memory, one that I will have for the rest of my life.

Nowadays, it is not like that anymore.  It changed.  Like Steph said, the evil crept in.  You couldn't trust very many people anymore.  I have continued to come down south a couple of times for get togethers, but ONLY when I KNEW who would be there.  I have never been one to rock the boat and have always tried to take the high road on things, but when I was warned to not put where I worked or any other personal stuff on Facebook because of what had happened to others and could happen to me, that became the beginning of the end for me.  Who needs it?

I would love the support again, but it just doesn't seem to come from here anymore and I have failed miserably at keeping in touch with most of the true friends I met through OH (Kirsten and Monica W. to name two).

Now I am going to say something that will get me flamed I suppose, but oh well.  Here goes:   I have tried to understand the mentality of some of the posts lately.  They just seem slanted to say, "LOOK AT ME!!  LOOK WHO I CAN HANG OUT WITH!  LOOK AT HOW WONDERFUL I AM!!  LOOK HOW MANY FRIENDS I HAVE!!"  These are attention ***** (AW) posts, and although everybody does this from time to time, I am tired of reading it from the same few people everyday.  To me, if you have to put this out there so many numerous times, you are not sincere.  You are just being a boor and a braggart.  There are WOW moments and those are great!  But  there are also those few who think a bowel movement constitutes a WOW moment.  It doesn't. 

Also, those who have to say in public, "Thank you for the ___________.  you are such a good friend and you know who you are!"  WHY?  Do you need our validation that you have a friend that gave you something?  Why can you not just thank the friend in private?  Why must it be done where everyone can see it?  I could totally understand if you wanted to publically acknowledge the person.  But when you say "you know who you are" on a public forum, to me it smacks of snarky, passive agressive bahavior.  Not the type of thing I want to be around for support.

O.k. I said my piece. Flame away.