Confessions of a Former Fat Girl: Feeling attractive?

Hi hope Monica doesn't mind that I used her post's name, but the original Confessions of a Former Fat Girl made me think about all of the stages and emotions we go through along the journey of weight loss. It just seems like it would make a GREAT series of posts & shares as things come up along the way. Recently, the big emotional shift for me has been feeling attractive again.

It's been over 7 years since I truly felt attractive. It didn't even occur to me until a few weeks ago when I started getting attention from the opposite sex again. I find myself so surprised by the attention that I don't even know what to do! I'm afraid to flirt back because I'm just sure that I must have misread them...I have to retrain my brain to be sassy again, but I'm finding it difficult to muster up the courage to do it. It's scary to put myself out there again!

Has anyone else had experience with this transition? Any insights or lessons learned?

Thanks in advance for sharing,
Somayeh

No I dont mind at all, and it would be a good thing to discuss as issues come up. The mental transformation isn't talked about often enough...and sometimes I don't think it gets the attention it deserves. Losing this much excess weight has its effect on our brains too, not just the waistline.

It surprises me too when I get attention from the opposite sex. Sometimes it scares me. I don't know how to receive it or handle it. Guys buying me drinks or asking for my number was amusing to me...I thought they were just being nice.

A good friend from this board gave me an assignment. "Look up. Look at men in the eye and smile.....you'd be surprised to see how many are looking at you." She was right, but it was also scary and hard to accept.

The guy I'm dating now was telling me about the last girlfriend he had and past relationships..he said "She was hot, all the girls I've gone out with are hot, present company included."

I thought he was being sarcastic. I don't think I'm close to "hot".

In that moment I knew it was my ugly fat girl in charge. I have lots of moments like that. There have been moments when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and don't recognize the person I see. Last night I caught a glimpse of my torso in a mirror while shoe shopping and was amazed that my tummy was so flat. (I had plastics this past summer)  I still feel really REALLY fat and I have to remind myself that I am smaller than I think.

I continue to remind myself that I'm not Fat Monica anymore. She' gone. That was the old me. If I'm not careful, she may return...or make food choices for me (if I let her)...but for the most part she is gone and I have let Thin Monica be in charge and give her confidence in her new role.

Thanks for sharing, I can really relate! I'm going to try to take that assignment to heart. It's great advice!

Thanks,
Somayeh

Somayeh,

When I read your post, I thought...WOW..I am not the only one! I have always been overweight. I was a fat girl in Jr. high, high school, in my twenties & a couple of years in my thirties. I don't know how to accept the fact that I am NOT the fat girl I used to be. I will be out in public and some guy will be flirting with me or talking to me..and I think.."Is he really flirting with me?" I have always had to deal with rejection and I always had the weight to blame it on. But now it seems I am having problems with just trusting and it's like I am just waiting for them to hurt me. I am currently dating a man I went to High School with and he is so sweet and caring! I was honest with him upfront about my WLS and how much I have lost and he is so supportive! I feel as though I am going to drive him away with my insecurities. I know in the back of my mind, I am just waiting for him to hurt me. I am always doubting him and asking him.."Are you sure you like me?" HOLY CRAP!!! My freakin mind is killing me!! This is some crazy emotional journey! The first year I lost the weight..it was fun! Losing the weight & buying new clothes and getting all the attention of.."WOW, Your shrinking!" I just hit my two year surgiversary and I am now at the point of, I lost the weight & I lost me, too! I have started therapy, but if someone would have told me how this whole process would affect you..I would have told them.."They are crazy, just because I lose weight doesn't mean that I will change!"  Guess what....I would have been a huge liar!! This process is physical, but I it is also very emotional!!! I am a emotional eater & I didn't get to 326lbs without holding in A LOT of emotions! It seems we all come to the boards for support & there is a lot of support, but every once in awhile a post like this appears & makes us face the reality of our decisions! I would do this surgery over in half a heartbeat, but the only thing I would do differently would be to work on my mind and myself during the first year out. If I can give any advice to anyone no matter what stage you are at, it would be to not to forget to work on the inside as well! Lets face it, it's what's on the inside that counts, but it also doesn't hurt looking good on the outside, too!

Julie

I haven't lost enough to have men start to flirt with me, but my husband fell for me when I was almost at my heaviest. Many times I will look at him and ask "Are you sure you like me" or "Are you sure you like the way I look?" It's interesting to see that even as a thin person, you're still asking your boyfriend this question. I often think I won't feel this way if I end up losing another 60-70 pounds, but it sounds like that low self esteem or low self image stays with us until we realize we don't look the same way.

Even though I've lost 90 pounds and people notice, in my mind my appearence is still the same or isn't much different. I have to realize I do look different, we all look different. 

Interesting conversation for sure!

MsBlues