Hi BJ,
I sat here for over an hour the other day trying to reply to your last post about feeling depressed over family issues, but after many attempts, editing, and deletions, I finally gave up.  I just don't know enough about your family dynamics to offer sound advice. The only thing I am certain of is the trouble you've had with your Mom being overbearing and controlling, and in your situation; you've had to tolerate her because you still need her help. I can relate to that same need, although my Mom wasn't so mean.  There's a time and season for everyone that enters our life and towards the end of my mother's "season" with me, the kids started telling me about some of the not so nice things she was saying to them, she was short tempered with them, and was just plain ugly.  I knew then that her time with us was no longer beneficial to the family and I had to let her go. Yes, I still needed her to help with the kids so I could keep my job but when one door closes, God will open another.  I had to depend on that faith and sure enough, things eventually worked out.  It wasn't easy at first and I missed a few days of work here and there.  She went on her way and I walked the path God intended for me to walk, without Mom.  I will always be grateful to her for being there for me but we both knew it was time for her to move on.

I can also relate to the clothing issues.  My weight fluctuates so much that I don't know from one day to the next if my jeans are going to fit.  I can seriously weigh 8 pounds more today than I did yesterday.  I know it's mostly fluid weight because it can come off as fast as it came on, and fat gain simply doesn't go away that fast.  I have problems with "body dysmorphia" because even though people say I look great, I don't always feel that way.  My upper belly from my ribs to where my belly button used to be is at least 2 sizes bigger than my hips since the tummy tuck.  When I gain the fluid weight, it's always in that upper belly and it makes me feel so uncomfortable in my jeans, so I wear pajama pants that are stretchy and more comfortable.  At the hips, I can wear a size 10 but above that, I'm not comfortable in anything less that a 12 or 14.  It's ridiculous because I really can't do anything about it as far as trying to exercise it off...the arthritis pain and the herniated disc at the T-7/8 level prevents that.  So I deal with it.  I get pretty depressed because I can't go out and do normal stuff in my pajamas, you know?  I've hovered around 155-158 for over a year but lately that has gone up to between 160-168.  I hate it and it scares me.  I'm afraid I am on my way to gaining it all back.

I don't have summer or winter clothes.  I wear the same stuff year round, except for my shorts.  They just kind of hang out in my drawer all winter.  When the weather warms up, I get into a cleaning mode where I start feeling suffocated by the clutter so we go through and start chucking the junk we don't need anymore.  Then walls and windows get washed, closets get cleaned out, etc. etc.  Yesterday, we bought the paint and supplies and will start painting the inside walls this week.  The shed also got cleaned out so now all the junk that has piled up all winter has a place of it's own, out of my way.  There's just no room in this double-wide to keep alot of crap we don't really need.

I hope things start working out for you, BJ.  Just keep your head up.  Take care.