Crockpot basics

I know, it makes you want to cry, doesn't it?

Wanna know what's WORSE? He has four half gallons of Candian Club hanging out there, from hunters who heard via the grapevine that it's the only whiskey he "likes." Thing is, "like" means a couple slugs per year LOL.

Worse yet? I sorted through the booze supply and found this lovely sounding cranberry schnapps. Nobody could remember where it came from. I poured a drink of the stuff and CHUNKS came out. From schnapps!! Who knew schnapps could get icky?! Trust me it did. Hurt my feelings horribly to pour it out.

Maybe if you come to MT next year and I tell him in advance that you're in no-booze world, he'll shake loose a bottle of the good stuff. He was awfully sorry he couldn't get together with the party animals this time, but haying demands, plus his crippled state, made it impossible. (Hopefully by next July he'll be dancing like a kid again--he's getting both hips replaced this fall, one in October, one in November.)

But but but I have two questions, please?

1.  Hunk-o-meat - does it matter at all about the cut? 

I have never successfully cooked a beef roast in the oven and I'm told I get the wrong kind of meat (apparently I do this every time -d'oh!).

So, going on the premise there are dry-cook and wet-cook cuts of beef (or maybe that's a big myth used to spare me from the humiliation of horrid roasts), what, if any cuts, are _not_ preferred for use in a crock pot?

2.  My DH hates stringy meat.  Will he ever eat anything coming out of a crockpot?

Oh dear, you are woefully uneducated on the hunk-o-meat thing. Please go to http://www.beefitswhatsfordinner.com/meatcase.aspx and learn about cuts of beef and how they should be cooked.

HOWEVER, I shall give you a true native person beef and flesh tutorial.

FIRST thing to understand about hunk-o-flesh is this: Ya gotta look at the fat and bone content. Fat and bone are keys to moisture and flavor. The most fantastic such cuts of beef include porterhouse steak and prime rib, to use but two examples. Both such cuts could go straight to the grill, fat side up, and get cooked to yummy wonderfulness by almost any idiot. There's enough fat there to save any fool who pokes the meat.

Thing is, those fantastic cuts of flesh are godawful expensive--with good reason cuz there are only a few pounds of such flesh on a cow--and people panic and **** them up by over cooking or over seasoning or over working them.

Our usual pocketbook for regular wage earning people says to buy burger, flank steak, skirt steak, chuck roast, pot roast etc.... Leaner cuts of beef, which by definition require long cooking and moist heat. AKA crock pot if you aren't grilling burgers.

Notice two qualifiers: Long cooking, moist heat. These are your friends. I grew up with everything from ratty beef leftovers to nasty venison to semigood elk to horrible moose **** to bear meat we won't talk about......and it ALL got cooked with long moist heat to make it non barfworthy. We hoped. I will refrain from ranting about how gross wild meat is other than milk-soaked elk. ICK.

This little aside about wild meat **** to tell you that ANY meat can be made non barfable if you cook it right and long enough. So have hope, yes?

Back to the beef you might buy. Let's use a piece of critter from that website called a chuck pot roast, which is a typical leanish hunk-o-flesh that doesn't cause bankruptcy concerns. This piece of beast comes from the front quarter and is kinda sorta muscular and therefore kinda sorta lean. Has some fat and flavor and needs to be slow cooked to be edible. Good example piece for hunk o flesh in crockpot. Think of your shoulder when you get this hunk o flesh. Or not, but that's where it comes from

Damn, my shoulder hurts. Meh.

Oh wait, we're about beef. I gotta focus on agribusiness here. Okay, chuck pot roast. Do you want to brown this piece of beast first? If so, sprinkle him good with flour salt and pepper and press it in till the bits fall off. Heat your skillet up to almost smoking with some oil in it. Throw on hunk o flesh so it smokes and splatters and scares you on all sides. It will smell like yummy scorching meat if you do this. Most people don't do it any more, but I thought I should mention the option cuz it smells and tastes good.

Step two, with or without browning: Throw hunk o beef in crockpot. Add yummy goodies like garlic, onions, mushrooms, carrots, celery and (VERY IMPORTANT) something acidic like tomates, wine or beer. Acid is mega important for later tenderness.  One can of tomatoes, one bottle or can of beer or half a bottle of red wine is good.

Season hunk o flesh to taste. We covered that elsewhere. IMNSHO garlic is more important than anything else and should be added by the chopped cupful, but you do what you love.

Ignore hunk o flesh all day, six hours minimum, preferably eight to twelve hours.

Okay, at this point hunk o flesh is theoretically so tender even your hubby will love it, but in case he's so picky I couldn't stand him, you need to know how to cut across the grain: Pull hunk o flesh out of pot and look at him, Can you see the strings/strands? If not, get glasses, cuz this is very obvious.

You gotta cut across those strands. Take your knife, which you MUST sharpen (what? no stone or sharpener? Good Lord. Go to Joann's and get 'em sharpened and buy a stone. EEEEP. Very important for anybody owning anything more than a butter knife!!), and attack hunk o flesh across those strands. That is "across the grain" and is vitally important to ediblitlity of hunk  o flesh. If you don't see the strings, don't cut it. Call someone, anyone, like me, and send a photo and ask which way is across the grain :-p.

I had the butcher pick the "hunk of meat" for me. Cooked it just as you said, still the damned thing came out dry. I am jinxed when it comes to BEEF roasts. I've even had my Mother pick them out (when she was still living) and hers were to die for. I just ruin them.

However, with pork roasts, I can NOT cook a bad one if I try. So I stick to pork roasts and let others cook the beef ones.

Liz

Dang. I don't get it. Ya know what? Try marinating hunk o beef for a good 24 hours first next time and see if that helps. Also, sear the beast off hard at very high heat on all sides before tossing it in the pot.

I just don't make beef roasts, stick to pork roasts. If we are really wanting beef roast, we go out. Liz

Tammy, make friends with the butcher at your supermarket. Tell him/her what you want to do and they can suggest good cuts of meat for it. They may also have suggestions on how to do it that you may have not thought of.

Just the other day I put in a frozen turkey breast, with the plastic pouch of gravy still stuck in the middle.  I put a couple holes in the gravy pack and left.  Turned out awesome.  (Can you tell I was in a hurry and forgot to thaw the stupid thing?)

And I check for "doneness" by seeing if the "hunk o meat" pulls apart when I put a fork in it.  Don't have to worry about how to cut it when it does that.  May be a little overcooked, but at least I won't die of salmonella.  

But then again, I could choke on a piece of plastic...

Oooo yummy, I gotta try that sometime.

I'm really enjoying this thread, thanks EN!
I had NO idea how to cook meats and had never used a crockpot but dove in earlier this year and I really like it.  I got this one:  (well, mine isn't as pretty, it's white and I got it at Target but has all the same features)  http://www.amazon.com/Hamilton-Beach-33967-6-Quart-Programma ble/dp/B001AO2PXK
We share meals with my parents a lot and I love that it has a locking lid, we can shove it in the car and you never had to worry about it spilling. I also like the temperature probe. You don't need one but I find it is handy to make sure nothing gets really overcooked. You just stick the probe through the lid and into the meat and the crockpot automatically changes to 'warm' when the correct temperature is reached. I'm not good at electronic things but it is easy to use, I never even read the directions.

We buy boneless country ribs a lot at Walmart and just throw in a bottle of Kraft BBQ sauce and they come out yummy.  Eye roast is really good from the crockpot but it is one of those ones that you *have* to cut the right direction. I let my DH do that but it makes all the difference in the world. So yummy with beef gravy.  I've made a crockpot version of Olive Garden's Pasta Fagioli soup that was really good and my family loves this really creamy cream cheese chicken that I make in it. Also white chicken chili, and soups. I like looking up recipes and trying new things as long as they are easy because I am by no means a cook! Dressing packets make good easy seasonings, like Italian dressing or ranch.

Three cheers for Crockpots!!!