Why are we judged after wls by some people?
Since having this surgery I've come across several different kinds of reactions to it. Most of them are good reactions. I had a good friend prior to surgery that was the same weight as me, she's a year younger than me. We went to school together, worked together, heck we even looked alike so much that people thought we were sisters. We were always the same weight, height. When we worked together we worked at a little truck stop. She was sometimes jealous cause I'm an outspoken, flirty person. Not now, I'm married, but I was. She shouldn't have been jealous but she was. She's a sweet beautiful person. She just, well, I don't mean to sound bad by saying this but she is a trifle spoiled. I never minded it cause unless it was about me flirting and being flirted with, her attitude never bothered me. All this is leading up to a point I just beat around the bush and take my time getting there. Around the time I had my gastric bypass surgery her mom had been on a diet for a while and had lost 75 pounds or so. I was thrilled for her cause her mom was a teacher at my high school and after Abby and I became better friends I got closer to her family too. Well I had surgery. I saw Abby in Walmart one day and she had seemed a little weird. Her attitude was a little cooler toward me. She hadn't seen me since right after my surgery and when I saw her this time I'd already lost over 100lbs. I didn't mention the surgery or my weight loss cause I knew from things she'd said before that she wasn't happy about me doing that. She asked me though how much I'd lost and I told her. She said Well, mom has lost 100 pounds too but she did it the hard way, the old fashioned way, the right way. She'll keep her weight off but who knows with u. Needless to say I was shocked. I didn't say much. Since that time she's changed her email, got a unlisted phone number, and won't respond if I write to her. Today I saw her and her mom in Walmart. I didn't know her mom. She looks so good. I wasn't going to say anything but then I thought, what the heck, I'm proud for her that she's lost weight, any way to lose weight, I don't judge people. I stopped them, said hi and I told her how good she looked. She was very friendly till Abby said mom, this is Angela. Remember she had that surgery. Then they had to go. Ok, this is just nuts. Yes, I have a gastric bypass and I am proud of that. I tell everyone. Its no secret. Whats to be ashamed of? If a person is big and they lose weight then Yeah for them. I'm happy that her mom lost weight without surgery. The woman looks great. I always thought the world of Abby. We had alot of laughs together. I just don't know how to fix this and I don't think she would want too. Just thought I'd share. I'm not upset about this. Not mad I mean, its sad, it really is. But what can ya do?
Hugs everyone!
Angela
Hey Ang there is nothing to fix. We are treated diffrent. Nobody knows what we have gone through. Like Mimi says, educated yourself before you form an opinion on
WLS. But people don't. I talk to people and they don't even mention my WL. It's like it never happened. And I just go along with the conversation and I don't mention it either. We are all under a huge microscope. Everyone is watching to see if we fail, if we succeed. I only have to please myself. Thats really hard to say because all I ever wanted was to please others and by being that insacure I believe I was the size I was. Oh this is way to deep for after midnight. I'm going to bed.
You take care. You need to update your picture on your skin removal. I am tossing the idea around again.
Thanks
Jane
I'll try to post some tonight lol. I'll have Adam take a pic of my tummy before he leaves. I just had the panni which is all my insurance would pay for. But he did do 3/4 of a tummy tuck and reposistioned my belly button. I'm happy with it. I'm thinking of getting my legs, boobs, arms, and hips done this year. Depending of the price of all that. The price is what scares me lol. But Adam wants a new motorcycle, pontoon, a new shed, new tilt trailer, heck, if he can get all that I'm going to see about financing these surgerys with a healthy down payment. I know I'm getting lasiks eye surgery if I qualify for it.
You know, at my office I've run into quite a few people that have varying opinions of gastric bypass surgery. A couple of them seem to insinuate that it's the "easy" way of losing weight. And I whole-heartedly DISAGREE with that. If anyone thinks it's the "easy" way, they're crazy!! So for all the haters, I say, forget those people. All that matters is that you're healthy.
Awww Angie. I know how painful it is to have a friend that doesn't support your decision. I battle this everyday. I wish I could say that I just don't let it bother me but it does. I have 2 people that I work with that are/were very good friends to me. One of them had RNY in Sept 2005. The other one has been batteling her weight for quite some time now. When I decided to have this surgery, I heard comments like: "She is only doing this because her sisters did it", "why don't you just join WW for a year", "you just need to work out", "I understand that people that are over 300 pounds having surgery, but you don't need it". Stuff like that. Now that I have had the surgery, they don't even mention it. It is like they purposely ignore it. Now that I am beginning to change, other people in the office have noticed and reacted. Not them. The lack of questions, praise is deafening. It hurts me because I was very supportive of the girl that had WLS. I made a point to comment on how great she looks and how nice her outfit is...etc. I sent her flowers when she had surgery and told her how much she inspired me and how proud I was of her. That is what friends do...right? Well, she totally ignores me. I have my theory as to why this is. It just stinks. I know that I did the right thing. I know this isn't easy. If it were easy, I would be losing more weight. I know that I will succeed. I know that other people are kind to me. I try not to care.
Keep your chin up and don't let someone make you feel bad for doing what you needed to do. This is a personal decision. Personal meaning that it is nobody's business. I DO think that people should research research research if they don't understand it. Instead of saying, "I don't understand why you would do this"...go look it up. Hang in there. You have tons of love and support. One person doesn't mean anything!!
Ange,
I think people who consider WLS surgery the easy way are simply uneducated. They seem to think that we can just sit on our asses and lose the weight. They don't realize that we still desire food, have to be very careful about how much we eat, what we eat, and have to exercise.
My experience with my friends has been very positive. They had seen me lose 150 pounds once before only to regain 210 and saw how miserable I was. When I was in the hospital several of them came to see me and one friend made a point to take me walking a couple of days a week while I was off work. The people I work with make a point of telling me how good I am looking and asking how much weight I have lost.
The few negative comments I have had have come from people who are merely acquaintances. They mention people who have regained or had problems after the surgery. I simply tell those people that I made the best decision for me and am happy with my choice.
The one time someone did say something about taking the easy way out it was a friend who was teasing me (you know how us men are) in front of some other people. So I ad a little fun with him. I said easy way out huh? Does this look easy? I then pulled up my shirt and revealed my 14 in*****ision. Needless to say, he hasn't made that mistake again.
I know it hurts to have friends turn their back on you, but it seems your friend is the one with the problem. Maybe it is a case of the old "misery loves company" and she doesn't consider the new you "miserable" enough anymore. However, she is the one who will be the poorer for the loss of friendship.
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