How do u tell someone u worry about their weight?

Since I have been morbidly obese I know it hurts when someone, even if its because they love u and are worried, it hurts to have them bring up your weight problem. I know this and I'm having trouble figuring out how to tell Adam I'm worried about him. Adams 5ft 7in, and I thought around 240 pounds, he admitted last night that he's gained to 260 and then he wonders why his back still hurts some? Adam is also type 2 diabetic, he has high cholestrol and on Lipitor. Normally he eats and drinks whatever he wants. He works nights and will come home eat 1-2 big bowls of cereal. Now we don't buy sugar to use in tea, cereal, or coffee. We use splenda and sweet n low and I've been buying fat free milk for a while now for Adam and the kids. Adam likes cookies, cakes, ice cream, candy bars. He knows he doesn't need them. He's on 2 diabetes meds a day. Glucophage 1000mg 2x a day. Glipizide 20mg 2x a day. I worry about him. I'm not saying I think he's fat, he's not to me. I love him no matter his weight. I just worry. Last night when he said he weighed 260 I was shocked. He's never been that heavy since we've been married. When we got together he'd found out like 6 months before that he was diabetic. He had weighed 250. He lost down to 190. He's gradually gained. He told me this morning that he wants to start a diet and work out at the gym again. He used to everyday. Adam can lose weight. He's gotten up to 230 before and lost by down to 200 by watching what he eats and working out. It just seems that each time, the past few times, he's wanted to diet, he'll tell me not to buy cookies or sweets. But after a day or so he's tired of dieting and he's back to eating huge amounts of whatever we've got. I go grocery shopping tomorrow and once again I'm not too buy sweets. Our daughter doesn't need them either. He blames me that she's overweight. He keeps saying she'll be just like I was. Well she gets a small amount of sweets each day, when we have them. Not like what he eats. But I'm not buying any sweets tomorrow. I'm going to buy fresh fruits and veggies. I just need some suggestions. How can I help him to keep from getting frustrated this time? What can I buy to keep him from getting bored with it? He likes that sugar free jello pudding thats 60 cals a cup. But he'll eat 2-3 at a time. I'm so worried about him. I just don't know how to really talk about it without hurting him. I'd never knowingly hurt his feelings. I love him no matter his weight. I just want him to be healthy and to be around for a while. Thanks for any tips. Ange

Not that I want you to trick Adam or anything Ange, but have you thought about maybe providing him with healthier snacks and desserts? Perhaps you could buy him some protein bars or something and let him snack on those and when he'd like dessert, make a low-fat, sugar-free one instead. Also, you could maybe use whole grains and multi-grains, rather than just plain simple starches. I'm not an expert, but perhaps you could just reevaluate how he's eating and cut corners to make it healthier without him feeling deprived. (not implying you're not already doing the healthy lifestyle ) I would also sit him down and just tell him about how you're feeling and your concerns with his health. I know before I had surgery, I was very concerned with my own. When I told Mike that I was going to go ahead and do the WLS, he was less than thrilled. Mike was almost 400lbs himself, and I was thinking, not only would I help myself, I could encourage him to think about his own weight/health too. I was lucky in that regard, because St. Joes seminar not only put his mind at ease about me, it left him to consider and do the surgery himself. I'm not suggesting that Adam by any means do the surgery...just so you know. I'm trying to illustrate that example can sometimes qualify as a motivator. I'm thinking of you hon. I know this is a sticky topic, because in some ways it still is around here. My folks are the same situation as you and Adam. We don't live with them or them with us, but they're down the hall from us in our apartment building. Last night, my mother got a little upset when a nightgown she gave me fit me, but didn't her. (hence why it was given to me) Meanwhile, my father is in the kitchen making a prepackaged, unhealthy meal for them both. Mike and I used to cook for them, but they didn't like our "fancy-tasteless-healthy-eating". *I digress* Hugs-- Dee

Well Adam decided to diet for all of 24 hours. This morning as I was getting ready to go to the grocery store he woke up and made a point to tell me that he wasn't going to diet at this time and for me to make sure I got stuff that he regularly wants. Cookies, chips, etc. I've tried to tell him that even if he's going to eat sweets he should watch the amount. I know what u mean on the inlaws. Pop weighs close to 300, he's over 6ft so he doesn't look too huge except for his belly. He's on insulin shots and like Adam he'll eat sweets, fried foods, carbs galore. I don't know. I'm still planning on the whole family starting back at the gym. Exercise can never hurt. Maybe Adam will get better motivated after he sees us all exercising together.