Adjusting to the new me

I am wondering if anyone has ever experienced this before.  I had my surgery on 12/13/06.  I am currently down 100 lbs.  I am down from a size 26 to 14 in pants and from a tight 3 XL to a 12 in shirts.  When I go clothes shopping, I think that I am shopping for my children.  I have never been this small (at least I cannot remember it).  Both of my children are grown and moved out the house but their clothes from their childhood (elementary age and middle school years) are still here.  I take pictures of myself in their clothes and send them off to them.  When the laundry is done, I look at the clothes and think that they are my husbands.  They just seem too small for me. The problem I am having:  I look in the mirror and see the old me.  I do not see the weight loss.  Friends and family say I look great.  My daughter and mother did not recognize me when I saw them in May.  I feel my arms and my neck and it is wonderful to actually feel bone instead of layers of fat.  But, looking at myself, I still see the old me.  I don't want to get down so low that I will look sick.  I feel really great right now.  I think that another 20 lbs. or so will do it for me.  My body is slowing way down.  It took me 2 months to lose 5 lbs.   I have seen the movie about anorexia with Tracy Lord and wondered how she was unable to see the damage that she was doing to her body.  I now understand what she was going through.  I don't see myself as the world does.  I see myself as a 282 lbs. highly obese unattractive woman without a bright future. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can change my way of thinking?  Will this response change with time?  I wanted the weight loss to be rapid and I have been very frustrated that it has not been as fast as I had hoped.  I did finally get rid of all of my "fat" clothes.  First time I had ever done that.  I don't plan on ever being heavy again but I don't want to look or be sick either. I, also, would like to know if anyone has any suggestions on getting this last 20 lbs. off.  I am currently walking 7 miles every other day and doing aerobics on my off days.  I thought about looking into Jazzercise but I am not sure if it is worth it or not. Congratulations to all on their weight loss.  It has been and continues to be a fabulous journey for me.  I pray that everyone will reach their goals both in weight and health. God Bless, RJ

First and foremost CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Sounds like you are a true success story.  I think you should lose until you feel comfortable.  I f you think you are to thin then contact your NUT and they will give you suggestions on how to maintain.  I had my surgery on 12-29-06, a have lost 97 lbs total.  I can not wait to hit that 100 lb mark.  I weigh 202 now, and getting below 200 is so exciting and I can not wait.  How tall are you?  My goal weight is no more than 150, but would be really happy with 130.  I do have a large frame, and I am not for sure what 130 would look like on me.  I will just have to wait and decide as I make progress.  You seem to be a very smart person, you will know when you need to stop losing and start maintaining.  Hey just a thought, so strength train?  maybe soething fun to add to your workout.   GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS Miranda

Miranda, Thank you for the words of encouragement.  I was beginning to think I was a little nuts.  I am 5' 6" tall.  I do have a large frame so I have always been able to carry the extra weight a lot better than someone who is not.  I lose my weight first in my face.  I have had Belz palsy in the past and with the weight loss, I feel the pull on my face and it bothers me.  I also have a bulging disc which I thought would feel better with the weight loss, but just the opposite is true.  With all of the exercise, my disc is hurting more now than ever.  I keep walking and praying that it will work itself out.  With the slow down of the weight loss, I think that my body is already saying enough.   Congratulations to you.  I know that you will achieve your goal. God Bless, RJ

RJ, I had my surgery on 11/27/06 and I feel the same way you do.  I'm down 141lbs from my weight at my consultation (127 since surgery).   I FEEL great.  I can do so much more now than I've been able to do in years....and yet I still look at myself in the mirror and see 441lbs.....not a 300lb woman.   I hear the compliments from friends and family and usually just blow them off because in my mind....they're just humoring me and I still weigh 441lbs.   When I see pictures of myself....all I see are the fat legs, fat hips, flabby arms.....not the smaller waist, thinner face, slimmer hips.    When I put on clothes.....even clothes I wear everyday....I still find myself thinking "This will never fit me" and then I put it on with no problem and sometimes it's even too big on me.    I think it just takes time for our minds to catch up with our rapidly changing bodies.  I know for me, I've been overweight my whole life.  The most I've ever lost it 50lbs and that took close to a year.  So to lose so much weight in such a short amount of time....my mind is just having a hard time adjusting to the new me.   I'm hopeful that in time I'll see the real me in the mirror....but until then, I'll just keep following the program and losing weight.   If I still have trouble, then I'll see about talking to a professional about it.  

Chris, Thank you for your encouraging words.  I felt I was all alone in my twisted thinking.  My husband is pushing me to put the weight back on.  He nows says that he always loved me as a heavier person.  I am hoping that he will adjust to this weight loss as well.  He had always weighed 135 lbs. for the first 20 years of our marriage.  Now, with my weight loss, he is starting to put on the pounds.  I keep telling him that one day, we will go on vacation with only one suitcase for the two of us.  He leaves all sorts of candy and sweets around the house trying to tempt me but has given up on the idea.  I have no interest in them.  I do not want to have the "dump" experience that others have had.  To be told not to eat it or this will happen was enough for me.   I had lost about 50 lbs. in 2001 and there was a guy in my shop who started flirting with me.  It made me so uncomfortable, I put all of the weight and then some back on.  The same thing is happening to me now.  I have even heard rumors that someone is telling people that I am single.  I do not feel comfortable in these situations, but I am sticking to my new life style and I feel great.  I just don't see a new me.   Thank you again.  I know that you will reach your goal. God Bless, RJ

Hey RJ you are doing great!!!!!I am 20 months out and my goal was 170.  I am currently at 150-155.  My heaviest was 311 day of surgery was 296.  Your body will quit losing.  Somehow it just knows.  I was at a stall for 3 months and then started losing.  That is when I lost an additional 15lbs.  I still find myself picking up clothes that are too big.  I went from 28 to size 8 and from 4x to mediums.  I always just bought my clothes and came home and I would only try them on there.  Can't do that anymore because I still pick up stuff and try it on and have to go back and get smaller size.  Don't get me wrong I love it but my mind still says I"m 300+pounds.  I see it in the mirror.  I know how small I am.  You will start hearing from people saying "Don't lose any more" or "You are too thin and you don't want to look sick".  I can take those comments so long then I just say " Where were you when I weighed 300 lbs, nobody told me stop eating, your too fat"   that usually shuts them up.  Your body will adjust as far as looks as you stay the same weight.  At first I didn't look good at 165 but I lost it so fast.  Then everything settles down.  You learn how to dress.  You learn how to hide the lose skin.  You are no longer invisiable.  You just learn how to live a normal life.  When I tell people how much I have lost they say no way,  you look like you have been small all your life.  It still feels like a dream.  I wake up everyday wondering if my fairytale is over.  I no longer consider my self on a diet.  I am aware of what I need to eat to stay healthy.  I walk for my exercise.  We do alot of camping and I will hike for a couple hours, which I love.  Just give yourself time.  You will adjust. Jane 

Jane, Thank you for the words of encouragement.  I am so thankful for Dr. Tom and his staff.  They are fabulous.  I would recommend them to anyone.  As a matter of fact, I have.  Do you find yourself saying little comments under your breath or out loud about "fat" people?  I do.  I find myself doing it more all of the time.  I will be driving down the road and see someone and just blurt out, "too many twinkies".  I don't say it loud enough for them to hear, but my husband hears it and reminds me that I was once in their shoes.  I find that I want to walk around with Dr. Tom's cards in my pockets to hand out to everyone to help them feel healthier.  I have found that there are some who just love to eat and don't want to be healthier.  They would rather suffer with all of their medical problems, then give up eating the way they do.   I work with a lady who had the surgery some years back.  She doesn't look like she did.  I think that this daily reminder will be enough to keep me on track.  I don't want to go back to my big self again.  I was told that because I hated being called "daddy's little girl", I proved to everyone that I wasn't.   Do you know how to post your pictures on this site?   Thank you again. God Bless, RJ