Update on me (long)

As most of u know I've had alot going on lately. Nothing as bad as whats going on in the world, that bridge incident, the miners, the hurricanes, the earthquake. Nothing like that. Just alot for me to deal with.  1. My inner/middle ears are inflamed due to sinus infections, allergys I've had all summer. 2. Dizziness from that ^ 3. Panic Attacks, Anxiety Issues 4. I have scheduled a appt with a Ear, Nose & Throat Dr next Wed afternoon to see whats going on with that.

I had a Upper GI done at Hardin Memorial yesterday and it didn't do right. I drank the biggest portion of that white stuff but HMH is not sensitive to us GBS patients. They said I had to drink ALL of it, if u have had a GB u know u can't chug! I'm on Xanax .5mg, sometimes it helps. Normally when Adams home I'm fine. I have some dizziness caused from the ear thing.  My biggest problem with the panic/anxiety is in the afternoons when I know Adam has to work and I'll be alone. First of all let me point out, he's worked night shift for almost 6 yrs now. I've never been like this before. I enjoy the nights he works, yes I miss him but I enjoy the peace and quiet too. I love him and love him being home but the nights he worked up until recently I enjoyed my time too. Now I'm petrified to be alone here. I have this irrational fear that I'll pass out or something will happen to me and I'll be all alone with Allison. None of this started until the inner ear thing! Ok, as to this anxiety thing my pcp is scheduling me with a pysch dr asap for anxiety depression issues. This runs along with what I was going to number, number 5 so here goes, we'll just skip ahead to 5. I called my gastric bypass surgeon Tues. His nurse/wife/office manager Holly is in with patients with him and she called me back today. We talked for awhile about my weight gain. My nervous urge to nibble. I had told her that I'd had a upper GI done yesterday (before I knew it wasn't good) and she wanted a fax of that. I told her due to our car accident last fall I had to take alot of ibprophen, motrin because of nerve damage in my hip. Tylenol doesn't help inflammatory pain ( I probably misspelled that). I told her that I've cut out all sweets and caffiene. She is such a sweetie. I had put off going to my 2 yr appt caused I'd gained 10 pounds, now its been a few more months and I'm up 30 pounds from the last time I saw him a year and a half ago. Since my upper GI wasn't good, my family doc wanted to send me to a gastrointestinal something or another but I told him that I had made a appt with Dr Shina's office Sept 5 and that they'd take care of it. He's going to do a scope, that doesn't sound pleasant and maybe send me to Suburban for a upper GI. They are GBS sensitive there because they do the surgery there all the time. HMH is just now starting to do it. I feel better for talking with Holly and I'm glad I finally called her. I was afraid I would have disappointed her and Dr Shina but they're just concerned about me and they want to help me get back to where I was and to find out whats going on, if I've stretched my pouch. She was talking about too much ibprophen, motrin NSAIDS of any kind doing that. 6. Other than that, I'm ok. Well, I'm mad that I'm having this anxiety thing, I wi**** would go away. The xanax .5mg isn't helping much but it does make me feel groggy and loopy the next day and I don't want to stay on it long. I want to be back to normal. Being happy to be home by myself and not scared. 7.I am also going back to church Sunday, its been awhile. Adam told me last night to pray. He said "Ange, u know that God will watch over u and U know that u will be ok." I said "Yes, Adam, but do u know how long its been since I've been to church? I'm not as strong as I need to be, no one is ever strong enough in faith and we should all desire each day to grow stronger in our respective faiths and grow closer to God." I don't mean to offend anyone with this post, I'm Christian, if u aren't, I'm not knocking u, I'm talking about myself. I'm not Baptist, Methodist, Catholic or any denomination, I'm just a blood bought born again child of God who is back sliden and weak in my faith right now. Catherine, Barbara, Bro Jube (I know he won't actually read this Barbara, but u can share), Shirley, James and all my family and friends that know how to pray, not just mouth the words but actually reach the throne of God, please pray for me. That I'll keep this desire to get back in church and that I'll beat this anxiety thing.

I guess thats about it. Yes, for those of u who didn't know I've gained 30 pounds. I don't gorge myself but I do find myself going back to my bad habits of nibbling and grazing but hopefully I've caught it. No more caffiene, no more sweets.  To those of u who may be like I was and have gained 10, 20, or more pounds. DON'T be afraid or ashamed to ask for help like I was. I've realized I had a problem and I'm dealing with it. Hopefully we'll find out that my pouch isn't stretched. If it is I don't see how. I've never drank and eat at the same time. I always wait after meals the allotted time I'm supposed to before drinking anything. Am I ashamed? Yes, but with all my panic, anxiety, depression issues going on right now, I'm not going to dwell on it, I'm going to get help! Love and God Bless Ange

Hang in there all will be better.

Thank u. U r the only one who has responded. I posted on the mainboards and expected at least one or two ppl to respond but I guess everyone's busy. Or I'm just feeling sorry for myself lol. I'm doing ok tonight. Thank u for your response.

need to stop and go back to like rite after surgery-- i really dont know what to say on the gain bu****ch and work on it--i have to watch myself too --- its hard!!!!---thiers a bunch of us pullin for ya

Thanks, I'll make it. Just wish I knew what was causing this anxiety so I could deal with it. I'm fine as long as my hubby is here but when he leaves for work I get nervous and I never used to. We lived in Eastview 4 yrs before we moved up here and I never got scared of being home alone at night. We've lived here 2 yrs and I've never been afraid. Oh well, I will get thru it and find out whats going on. I believe since my inner ear is screwed up, thats screwed up my whole system.

Hi Ange, I'm pretty new to the board but I wanted to respond even know I don't know you. I just want you to know that it doesn't matter if you aren't going to church, God is with you wherever you are and He is not dwelling on you being a backslider either because Jesus already paid for your past, present, and future and He knows the contents of your heart. Even in our weakest moment Jesus has not left us, He is holding us up, He is carrying us, He is the feet that walks our journey and even when you can't pray the Holy Spirit is interceding for you so please don't feel dishearten. I too am a christian but I am not a church goer not that I haven't gone cause I have and I love church but sometimes there's more politics in church then there is God. Churches have a tendency to get in God's way sometimes. I will keep you in my prayers!! I have an anxiety disorder too and xanax didn't help me either. My doctor put me on a low dose of Zoloft which is an antidepressant and it worked great for years. Even though it has a bad name here in Ky. Prozac is another good medicine...I switched to it because I felt that I had gotten so use to the Zoloft that it wasn't working very good but I took it for a number of years. Now I take the Prozac and I have weined myself down to the lowest possible dose which still works just fine. Neither of them have caused me problems with sexual side effects unless I was taking more than I think 50 mg on the Zoloft and I am not sure of the dosage of the Prozac. They also don't make me groggy or loopy. I am really sorry for the hard time you are going through just know that things will get better in time. When my husband worked 3rd shift and I got nervous which was alot I usually tried to sit down and read the bible or just even a devotional on the computer....after awhile that began to help me relax. Take care of yourself and again I will keep you in my prayers! Kellie