OT: I've got the baby blues
| This is going to be sort of long. Not sure where to start it. Last night I was thinking about getting a new puppy and probably will because we love our furbabies and our kids both very much. I love my husband Adam, I do. I was 24 yrs old when our daughter Allison was born (she's 6) now. I had a miscarriage the year before. I have a 14 yr old stepson who I love very much. When I had Allison Adam wanted me to get my tubes tied so we wouldn't have any more kids. He's 10 yrs older than me and said at the time we couldn't afford more kids. He may have been right at that time. Well they took me into the operating room and was getting ready to give me a spinal to tie my tubes. I started crying. My OB asked me if I really wanted to do that. I said no, I'm young I want another baby. So they took me back to my room. 2 weeks later Adam had a vasectomy. It hurt. It still hurts. I do love him but I think that was selfish of him. There was nothing I could do or say to stop him. He's always been implusive and makes fast decisions. It bothered me for a long time. I cried and cried. I begged him to get it reversed. He told me once that if he could afford a reversal he'd do it, well we've had the money several times. Anytime I mention having another baby he gets mad, cusses, screams, and says he'd rather have his nuts cut off than to have anymore kids. Unless God himself unties Adams "tubes" I'll never have another baby. I've been doing pretty good with it for a while now but both my neighbors are pregnant, well one just had a baby. My brother and his girlfriend are expecting their 2nd in April. A friend asked me last night when I said I was thinking of a new puppy if I was subsituting for a baby. I could be. Probably am. But we love our furkids and spoil them rotten. Usually I do pretty good and it doesn't bother me. Its just a dark dreary day and its on my heart alot. I know better than to say anything about it to Adam, he just gets mad and upset. I can't talk about wanting another baby to anyone so I came here to vent even though my heart knows I'll never be pregnant again, or know the joy of carrying a baby and giving birth. Babies are truly one of God's greatest gifts to us and so many ppl abuse that gift. If u r able to have kids then u r truly blessed in my book. Sorry I'm so down. Its a cloudy day...I'll be fine. I've been fine for 6 yrs and I'll get over it this time just like I do every time it bothers me. Hugs Ange |
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