Looking for advise

Divorce So I want your good? Your bad? Your ugly? Did you think about it and change your mind? Any Advise? I posted this a month ago to some other friends but I am looking to see what my friends close to home have to say.  I know there is a lot of this going on after WLS and I can say this is not the blame. It just woke me up!

Kristen, were you heavy when you met your husband?  How much "experience" did you have before meeting your husband?  We really do go through a lot of "head" changes as our bodies change and if you and your husband weren't on the same page before surgery, I can't imagine you'll be on the same page after.   I have many thoughts about this whole weight loss process and relationships, but no experience with divorce.  Hang in there sister...it can't be easy. Peace E 

Kristen,  I know this topic quite well, I've been through it twice. lol  Although I imagine there are even more emotional changes going on with your weight loss thrown in the mix, which is not something I was going through with either of them.   Both of mine were in states that are much easier than Maryland.    Divorce is a really tough decision to make.  No matter how miserable you are in the situation,  you still go through alot of self doubt.  "Maybe it isn't so bad afterall" "Am I being selfish for wanting to be happy?" "How will the child(ren) take it?"  "What if nobody else ever wants me and I'm alone for the rest of my life?"   One thing I have come to realize, life is too damn short to live it unhappy. It is up to you and only you to determine exactly what makes or breaks that happiness.   Yes, it may be difficult if any kids are involved, but they do adjust.  When my boyfriend was going through his, his daughter was his main concern.  We were friends at the time he was trying to decide what to do and one thing I asked him was:  "Would you rather her grow up seeing you divorced and happy or grow up thinking that it is ok to live your life miserable and that a "normal" relationship is one that shows no love towards each other and constant fighting?"    He is a better father now because his happiness in life shows through to her.   I'm not trying to advocate divorce.  I just know that it can be a terrifying decision to make and a long road ahead if you do decide that is what you need to do.  Feel free to send me a message if you need someone to talk to more about it. :)  Tina

Tina This is so me right now!  "Maybe it isn't so bad afterall" "Am I being selfish for wanting to be happy?" "How will the child(ren) take it?"  "What if nobody else ever wants me and I'm alone for the rest of my life?" 

Kristen I sent you a PM. Candie

Kristen,  I have to say, when I was with my son's father I was so in love.  While we were together he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and paranoid episodes.  Our lives were turned upside down by his behavior.  His behavior was just out of control.  His highs were HIGH and lows pretty stinking low.  Throw some anger in the mix and that was how are lives were. He accused me of stealing our son and  setting him up for conflicts with the police.  He broke into my house, flattened my tires, threatened me and placed 4'x6' signs in the yard reporting both my and the police departments behavior.  His behavior is irratic, irrational and just plain difficult to deal with.  I loved him very much, but in the end, it was all too much, and very unhealthy.  He really is not the person I fell in love with.  I'm not even sure he remembers how he was. Our breakup had nothing to do with my weight as I was obese the entire time with were together.  It has been caused by his mental illness.  Our court experiences were AWFUL!!!  I can't imagine staying with someone for the wrong reasons.  There was no way I could change him.  He is ill but, he will tell you there is nothing wrong with him so "why would I take medication?" It has been very hard to explain to my son who is now 10, but he has not had any contact with my son since he was 3 1/2.    I am currently married to a wonderful man.  He totally understands what I have been through as he has had similar experiences with his ex-wife. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

Kim see my pm, thank you!

Only YOU can answer this...We all have issues...My husband is a caring,loving man...but I still want more...I always thought that he was my savior...my knight in geeky armor....but something changed inside of me and I didnt see that any longer....Do I think about divorce? Yes.....but for selfish reasons...Bigger......lmao...Im laughing but damn......the truth will set you free..I would not divorce my husband based on that...but if you are TRULY unhappy in a relationship and dont see any hope...than do what you have to do to make you and your little girl "healthy" again.

The you all so much for all the response, e-mails and pm's.  This really speaks volumes to me.  This has been a tough couple of months but I have made the next step.  A lot of you already know that my husband is sick with bipolar psychosis.  Life has not been fun for 17 months.  His doctor tells me he will never be the man that I married and will always be on heavy duty meds.  I worry about my daughter and how she will deal with this.  Her father is really her playmate, he has not been her father in a good while.  Like Tina has said I have all these emotions but this is all normal.  I have been married for 11 years and we have been together for 15 years there is a ton of history here.  I have no need to be ugly with this divorce.  I can't believe I can type that word!  I come from a big family and when you get married divorce is never a option, if two people love each other enough to get married, you can work anything out.  He is just not there anymore, I am usually talking to myself or the wall. This month is call my education month, I am seeing a lawyer today.  I think we will go through a mediator that way he really understands things.  I found a mediator the used to be a pysch. and that would be better for him.  I also signed up for two classes at the YMCA to get info about my daughter and the divorce.  So I am planning and thinking.  I just have to tread water so he does not go into psychosis. He knows I am not happy and I think he has a little clue that this is going to go much further.  Again like anything I do in my life I have to be the planner and the thinker cause he can't. It is ok for me to talk about this here. My parents and my sisters do lurk here but I have told all of them this past weekend.  I have some really good support.  AGAIN THANK YOU ALL! Hugs Kristen

Hey Kristen I hope everything works out and goes smoothly. love ya Jen