Oh when it rains it pours...
Today I set up my dad's room so that he can come home and die comfortably. My father has end stage copd and this has caused uncontrollable congestive heart failure. He has spent every day minus 10 days in the hospital since Oct 2. Oddly enough five of those days was the five days I was there for my perforated viscus.
My life is going to be turned around and flipped over in the coming days. I will be setting up residence in his home until his passing. What will be negletted during this time by me? I have two little boys, a husband that just had a mastoidectomy one week ago, I am eight weeks into my classes at school that I am still earning A's, I am almost four weeks out from major surgery, and my Dr is concerned to the point of bringing up TPN infusions because of my continued weight-loss.
I have spent hours and hours trying to contact my siblings. One is out of state and seen my father. Another has had closer but does not want to see my dad in this condition. Four others hardly even talk to any one in the family, including my father. (they have a mom they share, yet they do not talk to each other, either) My father had 11 children from four wives. Two children are deceased. The other two were adopted but do know "of" my father. The dynamics are just, oh cruddy. But, I want to do the right thing and make sure they know in case they need to see him. I hate voicemail, by the way.
He lives with an ex-wife(#8) I am ever so thankful for her and everything she has done to help my dad. I have been scrambling to get care in order for my children during this time. They are young and will be so bored being with me at my dad's home.
I think things happen for a reason. I am off from wor****il Dec. School closes for one week, beginning Friday. The support is coming from all over to assist me with my boys. The care for my dad is being left upon the ex and myself. There will be an aide coming in daily and a nurse.
Tomorrow, I will go and have breakfast with my dad, head to my last class of the week, and back to the hospital for lunch. The plan is for him to be discharged under hospice care in the afternoon. I am going to be instructed on how to give him the meds he needs to remain comfortable as his body drowns in his fluids. Yet, I have promised him that we will keep him alert for the Michigan-Ohio game on Saturday because he just wants to see that and then he says he will be ready.
My heart is breaking. I can not stand seeing my father suffering as he is. I know what to expect and I still do not feel ready to the changes his body is going to go through in the next week. I also know he will not be here much longer in body and the finality of it all is so overwhelming. My mind says be with him as much as possible while you have the option. And yet, I have my little guys wanting their mommy to be home with them. I feel so much tugging in my heart. I wish I could be everywhere.
I understand the circle of life. My dad does too. He is not afraid to die, he just wants to do it at home, comfortably. I told him I would help him do this. I am so sad and I am going to miss this man so much. With Thanksgiving approaching, I can say I am thankful that I am available to be there for this man I love so much on his final days of life. I am thankful I can help him do it his way. He has made the decision and needs the feeling of being in control. He will be leaving me forever, but I will not have any regrets.
Positive vibes
Megan
Megan,
All I can say is I am sorry you are having to go thru all of this. It sounds very difficult. I haven't had to deal with this yet but, my day is coming and I know it, I am definately not looking forward to the day. I think that you have made the best decisions you can in the situation you have been put in. Try not to be to hard on yourself, We can not be all things to all people, we can only do our best, I am sure your boys will understand and someday when they think back to the scarfices you made for there grandfather, they will think of you with great respect. Besides childern learn what they live, when they see you giving of yourself unselfishly they will learn a great and valuable lesson, probably one of the greatest lessons we can teach our childern. I am praying that your dad has a peaceful passing and you also will find peace. God Bless and take care.----Toni
Toni, thank you. All of this happening has given my a greater apprieciation for my children and husband. You are so right about learning by what they live. I have explained some of the things going on to my children. They sure understand a lot more than I expected. They also ask lots of questions. I do not hide things from them that are part of nature. This could help make them into even finer young men. I thank you for you prayers. Peaceful is the goal. May God bless you also, and please have a nice thanksgiving.
Positive vibes
Megan
Dear Megan,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. And I can understand in a way.
In June 2005, on the same day I went through my PAT's at CMCH for my WLS, my father learned he was dying of cancer. They gave him 9 months to live.
From that day on he endured round after round of chemo. One particular round was injected incorrectly in his arm, and it later died. He would have sued the hospital, but learned that the nurse who injected him incorrectly, was a single mother of 4 and he just couldn't do that to her. His heart was broken, yet he was the one who suffered.
I saw his demise quickly. I suggested that I for go my WLS because of his condition. He and Mom quickly said "no", and asked me to proceed. I knew however that my Mom would not be able to be here to help me if I needed it.
In August I went to see my parents, and it was probably 80 degrees outside and my father was outside in a pair of Khaki pants, a t shirt, a sweatshirt and a lightweight jacket, and a hat. He constantly said he was cold. I felt so badly for him that I would hope that I didn't have to be witness to his suffering.
In January, just after the New Year, (06), I went back home to see my parents. I knew this could be the last time I saw him. However, I was in school at the time, taking a computer programming course and was having some problems. He had taken the text book and was reading it. This man, 78 years old, dying of cancer, was reading my "visual basic. net " text book.
In the end, when it was over, I recall how Mom said "we just lost Dad"....and in a matter of moments, I was on my way home.
I can tell you that I have no regrets, and that I loved him all I could. I can also tell you that what you are doing is NOBLE and anyone who knows you should be PROUD of you for what you are doing.
How unselfish of you and how caring, kind and loving of you.
And what it all comes down to is love, compassion and empathy.
What goes around Megan, comes around. And the boys and your husband will be great, and it will all work out. Trust that.
For what you are in your father's eyes is an Angel, and that is a rare gift indeed.
Many warm hugs, and anytime, I'm here...just a phone call away.
Stacey
Sorry, I wasnt able to chat with you last night. I was doing some major multi-tasking. I am not one to be the most organized but I am trying to get so much coordinated with the boys schedule.
Thank you for your support. I just got off the phone with his Dr. What a great Dr. too. It looks like everyone is on board for the next phase here. This is strange but I am excited and nervous at the same time. I feel like I am giving my dad one last gift.
Take care Stacey, keep healing up well hon and have a nice Thanksgiving.
Positive vibes
Megan
to help you through these next few weeks.
Know that we are all here for you and will support you any way we can.
sarah 
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