Not a friendly place! Help!!!!!!!!

Ok, I'm going to play devil's advocate here for just a minute.......... I think that many people (not all) that have problems with weight also have problems expressing their emotions. I know this was true for me. My first reaction was to not tell anyone about surgery. Then I realized that my whole life was lived as a quiet person that hid from everyone because I didn't want to hear negitivity from people. I apologized for everything because I felt that people didn't think I was able to make my own decisions. I was the fat ugly girl, so I couldn't possibly stand up for myself, right? When I thought about the after effects of surgery, I knew that if I didn't come out with it, people would be talking about me anyway. I stood up and told everyone I knew I was having it done. If they didn't like it, I shut them down right away by saying "I've done my research, I have made an informed decision and it's not open for discussion." Your DH's loyalty lies with you. You make whatever decison is right for you, but if you do decide to tell, or if people like your nasty SIL find out, then stand your ground and puff out your chest and put on your "Oh sister, don't even start with me" attitude! Listen to your heart and dig deep to find your confidence. You're going to need it very soon! Brenda

I figure that surgery is kinda like your wedding - you should be able to do whatever you want. I really didn't care and told anyone that was interested. Have gotten mostly good comments and questions from surprising people that I didn't expect it from...

Here is what I told my sister when I had the Surgery. I told her to S??K OFF!!!!! it was my body and my health. and to mind her own business and take a good look at herself. She had no room to talk at 400 pounds and 5ft 8 inches and fat hanging under from her shirt. Looking discusting. I told her 3 months after I had the surgery. Everyone else I told was support of. My best friend was not in favor of it cause she thought she was going to have to plan my funeral. I told her if I died on the table it was worth it cause I would go out knowing I tried to get a better life. I am 5 years out next week and 150 pounds lighter. Who ever thought I would be 137 pounds at 52. God I was born at 137!!!!!!!. I have a new life and you will too. go for the gusto and live life. You deserve it. Carla Dont pay attention on all the negativity go for the positive. Carla Centennnial colorado/Chicago/ Dewitt Mi Sometimes

I am sorry for what you are going through. I too am in that same situation. My parents are dead set against having "this type of surgery" and they just don't understand. I have only told a select few friends and my husband. The only problem is...I talk to my mom everyday and I don't know what to tell her. I'm sure she will be able to hear that I'm "drugged" the day of my surgery and the day after. I don't know know what to tell her...yet. I have plenty of time to think of something. Here is the way I look at it right now...MY FAT, MY PROBLEM (LET ME DEAL WITH IT ON MY OWN)!!! Hope things get better between you and your hubby (he can be a bit more understanding though). Laura

Hi Judy, Your post struck a rich chord in my soul. In October 2005, after I had my 3rd heart attack I was told, at age 45 that I should never go back to work (too stressful). I was devastated. There was no way I could just sit idle in the house, doing nothing. My health was in a very dangerous place as I teetered on the brink of death. The longer I sat idle, the worse my arthritis, apnea, ankle and knee pain, coronary artery disease, and shortness of breath got. I had to do something, and fast. A person knows when the end is near and I felt that dread every single day. It was horrifying. Since my hubby had already went through WLS, the research had already been done, so I contacted a PCP who specialized in weight management and her first words to me were "you NEED this surgery, ASAP or you will not be here in 2007. No diet plan is going to work for you in your condition." My knees had disappeared into my fluid filled tissues, I couldn't breathe laying down, and from the arthritis in my back, just standing for more than 1 or 2 minutes made me cry in pain. I had another blockage in my coronary arteries and was on my way to cardiac death. And so my journey began. The first step on the trail of weight loss was telling family and friends. I agonized over this for several weeks. How am I going to tell my Mom about this decision? I knew her feelings on weight loss and health issues. She has always said that "anyone can lose weight on their own if they eat properly and exercise." What she couldn't comprehend was that I was trapped in a vicious cycle of pain with any exercise which caused weight gain, which caused more pain with exercise. I was so depressed and anxious, and worried constantly that "this could be my last day." I had to go on yet another medication for anxiety. I told Mom. I had to. Of course, she started sending me all sorts of articles in the mail about how to lose weight the natural way, using herbal supplements, low impact exercise, yada yada yada.(She lives there in Michigan..I had moved to Delaware.) I finally told her to please stop. I had seen, read, and tried all of that and never had a lasting result. What I needed now was a method that would result in fast weight loss because my health being so delicate did not allow the time these diets take to work. I was doing this for myself with or without her support. She was afraid of losing me on the table, or post-op complications, etc. Once she saw that I was seriously committed to my decision to have WLS, she started showing alot more support. I called her a couple of times a week to update her on my process of getting approved, all the tests, etc. Her attitude got better and better. Now, 4 months post-op and 77 pounds down, she says she can't wait to see me. Praise God, because if I needed support from anyone, it was my Mom. Do this for you. Block out the negative, however difficult that might be. Good Luck and Take Care. KathyG